Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Life stories and blogs

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 03-06-2010, 06:08 PM
Marco's Avatar
Marco Marco is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 21
Default Quad relationship

Hello all,

I am currently involved in a quad relationship which includes my wife and another married couple. We've been at it for a year and up until recently, everything has been pretty good I must admit. So in the meantime I've been researching as much as possible.....browsing forums for insight, hopefully good advice and what not. I've been coming across some pretty interesting stories and so far it seems like quad situations are the least attempted/hardest to maintain. And even though things are not looking so good for the home team, we've been resilient enough to keep it alive somehow (barely). Anyhow, thank you for taking the time to read this. I'll be here, reading the postings. I just wanted to make sure I introduce myself.

Marco

By the way...for anyone interested about the details of my situation. Please feel free to read the rest by clicking below....
__________________
Polyamory Love Story

Last edited by Marco; 04-08-2010 at 08:06 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 03-06-2010, 06:21 PM
CielDuMatin's Avatar
CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Upstate New York, USA
Posts: 1,456
Default

Marco,

Welcome to the forum. I would agree with you that I don't see many quads around, but I wonder if that's more because it's just uncommon rather than because it is more difficult to do.

I have a friend who is in a quad, but that's not two couples, more one couple, each of which has an OSO.
__________________
Please check out The Birdcage - an open, friendly Polyamory forum for all parts of New York State
http://www.thebirdcage.org/

"Listen, or your tongue will make you deaf." - Native American Proverb
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 03-28-2010, 12:52 AM
wstrnfu wstrnfu is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 8
Default

we are currently in a quad...have been for 2 years. Damn its hard. I love them so, I love my husband so...but I'm not sure how much longer we can do it, but when we call it off, my heart is broken..........
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 04-02-2010, 09:19 PM
venusaquarius venusaquarius is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: in the country in the Pacific Northwest
Posts: 8
Default The evolution of our quad

I've been in a quad going on 5 years now; however, it has changed over time. My partner and I (18 years) formed a quad with another couple (11 years); after about two years they broke up but stayed friends, continued to share finances, and they stayed (individually) lovers with us. So it became more like an N, or 2 Vs connected. We are now undergoing further changes and you can read about this (and other musings) on my blog at www.venusaquarius.com. I think it is a huge challenge to find partners who all share a willingness and interest in being poly at a sustainable level. However, I know it can be good, it can be challenging and it can work. Good luck!
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 04-08-2010, 08:02 PM
Marco's Avatar
Marco Marco is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 21
Default

@venusaquarius

Wow, definitely sounds like you're in a unique situation. That's for sure.
__________________
Polyamory Love Story
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 04-08-2010, 09:13 PM
venusaquarius venusaquarius is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: in the country in the Pacific Northwest
Posts: 8
Default maybe not so unique afterall?

Read your blog and I loved it! We were once like your quad in many ways. I won't say our quad failed, I just think the difficulties were too much for some. I bet a lot of people are situationally poly - they fall in love with someone already partnered, and become part of a group. If one is situationally poly, as opposed to 'politcally poly', say, it will be hard to transition. When things get rough, the taboo against poly and the huge bias towards mono, combined with the really hard work it takes to sustain poly, likely will result in a retreat toward comfortable, acceptable mono- land. Some people are likewise situationally gay or bi - it happens once and is fun, but it may be hard to sustain amidst the societal backlash. But back to your blog - it is very fun to read, has lovely pictures, and your experiences are likely to resonate with many.

Last edited by venusaquarius; 04-08-2010 at 09:14 PM. Reason: typo
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 04-19-2010, 06:47 PM
katydid katydid is offline
New Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 3
Default

Hi. We have been in a quad relationship for about a year now. It has grown stronger over time and I feel some of the bonds getting stronger than others. Specifically I feel stronger feelings for the other man than my girlfriend feels for my husband. We have set a rule that we can not "swap" original partners (me with her husband and vice versa) without a third present. Think that may prevent some jealousy issues. So I have been with her alone, my husband alone, but only her husband when she or both others are present. This is frustrating for me at times, but I think it is a good rule. So far so good, but it is scary for me. My feelings are very strong and I am scared someone will be hurt in the end.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 11-26-2014, 08:23 AM
jediandbabydoll jediandbabydoll is offline
New Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 1
Default Mr. Marco, please respond :)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Marco View Post
Hello all,

I am currently involved in a quad relationship which includes my wife and another married couple. We've been at it for a year and up until recently, everything has been pretty good I must admit. So in the meantime I've been researching as much as possible.....browsing forums for insight, hopefully good advice and what not. I've been coming across some pretty interesting stories and so far it seems like quad situations are the least attempted/hardest to maintain. And even though things are not looking so good for the home team, we've been resilient enough to keep it alive somehow (barely). Anyhow, thank you for taking the time to read this. I'll be here, reading the postings. I just wanted to make sure I introduce myself.

Marco

By the way...for anyone interested about the details of my situation. Please feel free to read the rest by clicking below....

HI MARCO! I am one of your biggest fans. I had read your beautiful blog several years ago, polamory Love Story. I was recently telling my husband about it and tried searching for it everywhere. I just wasted the last hour of my life trying to find it searching images to see if there would be any I remembered from the blog, ANYTHING. I remember the titles, and even tried to search by those. My wife has a boyfriend, Polyamory everywhere, Mr. Marco, please step up.... I finally came across your name here. Now, I realize you must have deleted your blog. I know you left off the last blog with having finally shown your blog to your partners, and feeling like you were offering a gift that was shattered on the floor due to their disapproval. Did you delete it then? Was that the reason why? It was such a beautiful contribution - so candid, heart felt... so intriguing. I guess now, I'm wondering, do you still have it somewhere? Can you send it to me so I can show my husband? Whatever happened to the "Quad"???
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 11-30-2014, 03:44 PM
Jimmyfun Jimmyfun is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 14
Default

There is a good reason why everyone in a quad says it's hard and why most end up failing. Almost all of them at least change and they will say it didn't fail but just changed. Sorry but that is a failure. If two couple end up anything other than still couples together then that is a failure. The reason is simple. Humans can't help but be selfish. If people were selfless, in other words cared only about others feelings and had no regard for their own, there would never once be a misunderstanding or someone wanting the other partner more than their own or jealousy over who wants who and all that. Sex is a very dangerous thing in the hands of selfish people and finding a human that is not selfish is like finding Bigfoot. The kicker is if you ever do find a unselfish person they likely will NOT be in a poly relationship. I believe a lot of people go poly for the wrong reasons instead of the right ones. Reading many of these stories you can almost see who the most selfish ones are in the relationship and it isn't hard to see what the final outcome is going to be.
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 11-30-2014, 07:54 PM
Candiedlove Candiedlove is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 255
Default

I prefer to independently develop relationships. If my boyfriend fell for a married woman, fine, but I don't want the pressures of trying to fall in love with the husband. And then oftentimes jealousy breaks the quad apart even if I AM willing to risk it to begin with.
__________________
Newly poly, but never monogamous

The "polyship":

Me 28F,
Sam 39M, my partner
Jen 38F, Sam's fwb & my friend

The former players:
Candi 41F, Sam's and my fwb/emphasis on the "f"/light on the "b"
Felycia 29F, Sam's and my fwb?/potential girlfriend
Leana 29F, Sam's and my girlfriend
Charlene, Sam's ex-wife
Paul, Charlene's boyfriend
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
quad

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 06:57 AM.