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Old 03-28-2012, 10:52 AM
Spyke26 Spyke26 is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Washington
Posts: 2
Default Not sure how to feel

Greetings everyone,

Gosh where do I begin. I am a straight mono male in a relationship with a bi poly female for about a month now. When her and I had started talking she mentioned that she was poly and bisexual and i hadnt paid any mind to the poly part. well a few days ago she said since i was comfortable with her being bi if i would be willing to share her with another girl who she used to be in a relationship with last summer. She said she would understand if i couldnt but also made the comment that she didnt know if she could be ok with the idea of sharing me with another girl. I told her that i would have to sleep on it and the next day i had told her id be willing to give it a try. She said she couldnt see herself leaving hers and my relationship for the girl she also wants to be with and i shouldnt be worried. But lets be frank, i cant help being a little worried even though i shouldnt be. Im not jealous or envious of this girl she wants to see. Well monday night she said she got a date with her girl friend and that she was staying the night monday night and tuesday night. Im ok with it and then again im concerned. She has been responding to my txts so she isnt ignoring me but she is also telling me certain things going on with her and her girl friend that make me feel as though im not gonna be adequate enough for her. She made the Comment that shes loves me very much and misses me and that having a female partner and a male partner make her feel complete.. Can anyone help me here.. I really love my girlfriend and dont want my feelings of uncertainty to be the end of something that i could see blooming.
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Old 03-28-2012, 03:15 PM
KyleKat KyleKat is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Central Illinois
Posts: 284

First of all, welcome! It sounds like you've been very understanding so good for you.

On to the subject at hand, if you aren't jealous or envious then what's the problem? You seem to be nervous that she may leave you. If you're worried about it then figure out why. Confront her about it but make sure she understands you want it to work and you are just apprehensive. This is new to you. It's not to her. She needs to help you through it.

I'm not sure how I would feel with the situation being one sided but if you are mono and you're not concerned about it then good for you. Do what makes you happy. Remember, each of you brings something different to the table. Her girlfriend isn't better or worse. She's just different.
"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is the regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." - Sydney Smith

Kyle: 27 year old male
Katie (rymmare): 25 year old female
Kids: girl: 5 years old, boy: 3 years old
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Old 03-28-2012, 04:47 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

How old are you two? You've only been seeing her for a month - that's really just a few weeks, you know. A blink of an eye. You really hardly know each other at all. So it's very soon to be in love or to worry about where the relationship is going. This is an early stage and it's okay for both of you to date other people.

I think you need to relax, continue to date other people yourself, and let things develop naturally. If it really turns out to be something long term, it will happen, but not by worrying or making rules. Good luck!
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

Click here for a Solo Poly view on hierarchical relationships
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Old 03-28-2012, 08:39 PM
Spyke26 Spyke26 is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Washington
Posts: 2

Thank you Kylekat. yes this is very new to me and I am trying to understand. As of this morning her and I have been talking about it and she told me that with her gf its more of a feminine sexual need than anything else.

Nycindie im not making rules but that is a valid statement. And the only thing im worrying about is that like Kylekat said im new to this and she isnt. I dont know what to expect so her and i are discussing it. Thank you both very much for replying and helping me figure out what to do.

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