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Old 03-25-2012, 12:54 AM
KyleKat KyleKat is offline
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Default Insert Witty Title Here - A Story by Kyle

I've been considering starting a blog on here for some time. I just never know what to say first. I suppose I could make this a continuation of my thread (found: here).

Since that week my wife has found someone (J) nearby that she can spend time with and I met someone (A) that lives several hours away. Although we haven't had a chance to meet, A and I have been talking for hours a day and I really feel myself connecting with her. My wife and I went to a birthday party and invited J to come along with us. This was their first time actually meeting so I gave them space so as not to scare him off and I can tell he really likes her. She says she's not super into him or anything but I think that they will get along well. He also fit in our circle of friends pretty nicely. So that's good. He also wasn't weird around me and he actually talked to me instead of being a jerk like the guy in LA (LA for short, the one that was supposedly both of our friends, but I don't want to talk about him so moving on). I even told her that maybe it's good that she isn't super into him so it doesn't end up moving too fast and she doesn't end up hurt and she can be more herself without worrying so much about everything.

My wife mentioned to me both last night and this morning that I have been on my phone a lot and talking (well... texting) to A more than she has LA and J combined. She also said she wished that she had someone she could talk to the same way A and I talk. Her and LA used to talk like that before she went out there but now they don't. I understand her frustration but this is why I kept telling her to take it slow and she didn't want that so what do you do? Just ride it out. I told her she always has me and she said I knew that's not what she meant. So then I tell her she has J and she says she just doesn't feel like that towards him... yet. The conversations remind me of couples trying to date other couples and everyone being worried about the connections all evolving at the same speed. Except our two people don't even know each other so it's even worse.

I also think she's a little jealous of how much time I've spent talking to A but when I was telling her that I felt left out she said it's because we have known each other for 5 years and she already knows so much about me. Tables are turned and suddenly she knows how I feel. She's still done more than I have with another so right now I think even if she does have a problem with it she wouldn't tell me for fear of me feeling like it wasn't fair. I have told her that life isn't fair and if she realized she really wasn't poly then we would figure it out but she says she wants to keep this up.

She also mentioned that she's cautious because she didn't know A as friends before all of this. None of us did. I thought that was odd considering LA was someone we DID know and that could have potentially gone poorly for a lot of people and we don't know J (even though he lives here). I understand her point, I guess, because A lives a little distance away. However, every single person I've been in a serious relationship with I've met online. My first girlfriend lived in Pennsylvania and I met her after several years of talking. My second girlfriend was a friend of my friend. I guess I met her at a party but she told me she had no interest in me then. I started talking to her on AIM and we dated for over two years. My third girlfriend lived 3 hours away and I started driving to see her every weekend. I met my wife through MySpace. She lived a couple hours away but was here for college. So, no, it's not something I'm concerned about. I can tell when people are feeding me bullshit and aren't really who they say they are.

But enough about everyone else, this blog is about me!

I feel like... I don't know how to explain it. I imagine all of you out there that have either cheated or wanted to cheat or just longed for something you thought you could never have know what I'm going through. It's like this burden of secrecy has been removed from your life. It's the first time in my life where when I saw someone I found attractive I didn't have to worry if the person I was with would be mad because I talked to them or looked or whatever. Mind you, since I've become an adult I have never cheated on anyone. Before then I was a juvenile and those records are sealed!

I also am happy that I finally found someone I can talk to. I've been looking since we started talking about being poly and I went on one date towards the beginning but it just didn't feel right. I'm glad I decided not to go back to her because I know she was mono and I feel like she would have gotten attached and that would have been messy if I decided to break it off. I also didn't want to hurt her like that. As so many people are quick to say, "Don't forget, you're dealing with people." A is pretty amazing and I find myself checking my phone throughout the day hoping that whatever reminder or notification I received was from her.

It helps enormously that she's poly as well and that I can talk to her about this stuff and she can give me real advice on how to handle situations. I talk to several friends at work and they say things that are clearly coming from the mind of someone that's mono. Things like, "Well, you let her go be with another man, she should do X". That's not how this works and it's not good to let them reinforce those thoughts in my head. I gave up jealousy a long time ago and I've been a great deal happier as a result. I don't need people putting it back in my head. I don't want people to reinforce my envy. It's not healthy. So when I talk to A and she says, "Why are you counting? Quality over quantity" it really strikes me. When she talks about her problems with other people, and I'm able to talk about my problems with my wife and neither of us get jealous and we're able to just give advice and be rational about it... it helps. A lot.

I'm running out of things to talk about right now without going into detail and not all of it is my story to tell so I'm going to stop for now. Maybe I'll try to write here daily to keep myself grounded and have a log of how I feel from day to day. I know some people don't like others posting in your blog but I don't mind. You're all welcome to reply if you like.
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"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is the regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." - Sydney Smith

Kyle: 27 year old male
Katie (rymmare): 25 year old female
Kids: girl: 5 years old, boy: 3 years old
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  #2  
Old 03-25-2012, 02:40 AM
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NovemberRain NovemberRain is offline
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Yay. Glad you have a blog. You tell great stories.
It encourages me to see you sharing your struggles and your triumphs.
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Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own...
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Me: female, bi, (formerly hinge of a vee)
with FirstBoyFriend (FBF)(moderately long-distance)
and no longer with CurrentBoyFriend (CBF)(who lives in the apartment building next door)
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  #3  
Old 03-25-2012, 05:27 AM
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Arrowbound Arrowbound is offline
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I'll be here reading all the time, I already know it, lol.
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Old 03-25-2012, 09:03 AM
KyleKat KyleKat is offline
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Default Later that night/the next morning

Haha, thanks to both of you. I doubt you'd be saying the same if you knew me in person. I suck telling stories. I always leave out important details and pause and all kinds of shit. Anyway...

I just got back from the third of four birthday parties I had this weekend. The second one was for my brother and while there were drinks I opted out since I knew I couldn't stay long. Katie invited a friend over to hang out with while I went to a birthday party with my coworker. We drove over to the next town and hit up the casino followed by just one bar. There were only four of us but it was perfect. We had a ton of fun. I thought about poly shit and my relationship a little but for the most part it was just us having a good time. I only had three drinks so one of them must have been stronger than I thought because I was pretty messed up for a while. By the time we were ready to go we were all just tired though. Thank goodness because I would have been in deep shit had I stayed out.

I found out that the girl my friend is married to is basically in the same situation as my wife. Stay at home mom, no vehicle, no friends. She totally needs to be my wife's friend. They would get along so well.

I also found out that A didn't exactly have a great night and the reception where we were at sucked so I wasnt able to talk to her and make sure she is alright. From what I got when I made it back to my house it sounds like she is handling it well but I want to make sure she wasn't pretending for my benefit.

Anyway. It's 4 AM and I'm falling asleep. I'll say more tomorrow.
__________________
"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is the regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." - Sydney Smith

Kyle: 27 year old male
Katie (rymmare): 25 year old female
Kids: girl: 5 years old, boy: 3 years old

Last edited by KyleKat; 03-25-2012 at 01:47 PM.
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  #5  
Old 03-26-2012, 04:55 AM
KyleKat KyleKat is offline
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Default Day 2 ends

I woke up this morning with the kids and let my wife sleep in. We tend to alternate who gets to sleep in but lately I've been making and effort to take the mornings to give her much needed peace and quiet. I also kind of relished in the opportunity to text A for two hours. Which I did. It was awesome. Despite the crappy coincidences of last night we were able to work some stuff out and I think I made her feel a little better.

After lunch I took a quick nap and then did two back to back Insanity exercises. Well, I attempted two. The first one was Pure Cardio (which I keep referring to as max cardio). Pure Cardio is ridiculous. Absolutely awful. So I was too worn out to get through more than half of the second one. For those of you that don't know what Insanity is, watch the biggest loser. Then imagine something even more difficult every day except Sunday. There you go. For those of you that do know you're probably asking yourself what is wrong with me. Well, I didn't get a chance to do Friday or Saturday exercises and what better thing to do in your free time than try to kill yourself by raising your heart rate. I'm doing this crap because I'm tired of feeling out of shape and fat. My wife shed all of her baby weight plus more using this program so I figure I could drop my weight 20 lbs too. It'll make me feel better and I'll look better too. Yay!

So we got done with that and went to the final party of the weekend. I spent a large portion of it eating, kicking ass at Street Fighter X Tekken and playing Magic. Yeah, I'm a nerd. During the party I texted A a bit. My wife had gone home and had been talking to my friend about a camping trip and mentioned it to A and she mentioned she liked camping. From there it turned into us meeting half way between where we live and camping together sometime later this year. I love camping and I think it'd be a lot of fun to meet in a sort of neutral territory and just spend a weekend together. I'm not sure I'd want that to be the first time we met or anything but if nothing else it would be a great escape from electronics and the bothersome busy ass lives we all live. It'd give us a couple of days just relaxing and being together and getting to know each other without distraction. I'm excited!
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"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is the regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." - Sydney Smith

Kyle: 27 year old male
Katie (rymmare): 25 year old female
Kids: girl: 5 years old, boy: 3 years old
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  #6  
Old 03-27-2012, 05:42 PM
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LadyKane LadyKane is offline
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This is wonderful. I'm glad you are doing well, I followed the thread when your wife was in LA pretty closely, and I'm glad to read this. Also- being a nerd is awesome, just sayin'
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dysfunctional marriage, lack of communication, mending a relationship

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