Many Questions Please Help...

[QuestioningPolly]

Im not sure where to begin but I want to ask this question first:

I am currently working towards a poly relationship but I find that I am questioning why my husband wants this so much. I feel that he is unsatisfied with me and may be trying to ride the wave of me liking girls to the point where I don't want to like them well at least not with him anymore.

Is it normal to feel like I am not adequate enough anymore and he now wants another woman to make up for my faults?

[NeonKaos]

I would say listen to your gut feelings.

And I would recommend that you explore relationships with other women on your own before getting caught up in the "triad mentality".

Hey folks! I just coined a new phrase! Yay me!

[Derbylicious]

I don't know if normal is the word you're looking for but it isn't unusual. What I have found with poly is that it magnifies all kinds of things that are already there. So if you're already feeling insecure and not good enough poly will really draw attention to that feeling.

What does he say that his reasons are for wanting to be in a poly relationship? Listen to what he says, what he actually says, not how your mind re-interprets it to being "You're not good enough and I need someone who isn't you".

Also try not to compare yourself. Your husband married you and he did so for a reason. There are probably a lot of things that he loves about you. Take it slow and talk lots and don't do anything until you're ready. I hope that helps. Feel free to PM me.

-Derby

[QuestioningPolly]

Originally Posted by Derbylicious

I don't know if normal is the word you're looking for but it isn't unusual. What I have found with poly is that it magnifies all kinds of things that are already there. So if you're already feeling insecure and not good enough poly will really draw attention to that feeling.

What does he say that his reasons are for wanting to be in a poly relationship? Listen to what he says, what he actually says, not how your mind re-interprets it to being "You're not good enough and I need someone who isn't you".

Also try not to compare yourself. Your husband married you and he did so for a reason. There are probably a lot of things that he loves about you. Take it slow and talk lots and don't do anything until you're ready. I hope that helps. Feel free to PM me.

-Derby

Well I have listened and he says that he just wants more of a good thing which is this third person. Which I understand but I find myself having a hard time finding anything that another woman has to offer me besides sex.

[QuestioningPolly]

Another question...Is it fair to be involved in this if I know that I will never have a love for this third person like I have a love for my husband? That I dont see myself ever telling them I love them only that I could care deeply but not love.

FYI...both parties know this and think that my feelings will change but I disagree.

[saudade]

Well I have listened and he says that he just wants more of a good thing which is this third person. Which I understand but I find myself having a hard time finding anything that another woman has to offer me besides sex.

Polly, I suspec that she could offer you friendship. If your personalities don't mesh, that's another issue entirely from one of gender.

Another question...Is it fair to be involved in this if I know that I will never have a love for this third person like I have a love for my husband? That I dont see myself ever telling them I love them only that I could care deeply but not love.

FYI...both parties know this and think that my feelings will change but I disagree.

It's okay to be unsure how you will feel in the future, or to be wrong if you are sure. It's also okay to tell your husband you aren't interested in picking up a girlfriend yourself. It's even okay to tell him he can have a girlfriend without sharing her with you, IF you're okay with that. From what little you've said here, I wonder if that might be a healthier set-up.

Good luck, and please correct me if any of my assumptions are in error!