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Old 03-20-2012, 09:03 PM
veryinterested veryinterested is offline
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Default True or False: Open relationship + happily married long-term = extremely rare.

I posted a question concerning open relationships at another forum and this was one of the answers I received. I'm curious to get alternate opinions. Thanks!
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Old 03-20-2012, 09:46 PM
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You also have to consider the answer to

True or False: CLOSED relationship + happily married long-term = extremely rare.

I formed my relationship wants/needs in reaction largely to what I saw in the unhappy and broken marriages in my family and their friends.

Anyway, the plural of anecdote is not data. What is it you're really trying to find out?
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Old 03-20-2012, 09:52 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by drtalon View Post
anyway, the plural of anecdote is not data.
Awesome.
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Old 03-20-2012, 11:01 PM
KyleKat KyleKat is offline
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I've been with my wife for 5 years, closed marriage. She's been unhappy.

We opened our marriage earlier this year. She's finally talking to me and it feels like we are making progress in our marriage. She's still unhappy but it's all very new.

You decide.

Ironically I brought up polyamory originally. She was the one that suggested it again earlier this year.
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Old 03-20-2012, 11:09 PM
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I think a lot of people get caught up in what "successful" means when they ask these kind of questions. If you mean happy as in long term, glued at the hip, closed in a triad or quad, all of which seems to be the "poly dream" for those starting out (at least in these here parts), then yes, extremely rare. Some people really feel successful and happy in solo poly relatuonships where they have loving and spritual connecting moments in one night stands or with their friends (where everything is consentual amongst many). Its all subjective and the vagueness is awesome I think. Love poly vagueness when it comes to success. Love that nothing is pinned down. "Happiness" is accomplished by individuals deciding to be so anyway in my opnion anyway.
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Old 03-20-2012, 11:43 PM
veryinterested veryinterested is offline
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To expand, my original question was whether it was possible to be with the same person sexually for a lifetime and not get bored. I also mentioned that I was interested in an open relationship, but my fiance was not. Here are some of the other replies I received:

"U R NOT ready for marriage -- U still have lust issues. An "open" marriage" is for immature people who are easily bored out of immaturity."

"open relationships are for people who are over-sexed (beyond the normal high sex drive of healthy people). Open relationship + happily married long-term = extremely rare."

"Entering a marriage thinking its gonna be boring & you should see other people means youre not ready to commit to your fiance"

"People have stayed in jobs their whole life despite the boredom. If you told your boss that you want an open work relationship how do you think he/she would take that?"

"Your fiance needs to get out of this relationship ASAP."

"Thinking that sex with the same person for the rest of your life is boring is immature."

"If you all think fcking other people is fine that's your choice, but its pretty sad that you think this is normal or acceptable"

"It is sad you are already interested in having an 'open sexual relationship' when you are not even married yet."

"If you are wanting an open relationship, and aren't even married yet, that means you aren't ready for marriage. Marriage is about monogamy."
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Old 03-21-2012, 12:02 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by veryinterested View Post
To expand, my original question was whether it was possible to be with the same person sexually for a lifetime and not get bored. I also mentioned that I was interested in an open relationship, but my fiance was not. Here are some of the other replies I received:
Just curious... where did you post this?

Many of those answers sound like conservative opinions. I would have answered that way... about 20 years ago. ---Doesn't mean I was right then... doesn't mean I was wrong then... I was just different.

In 20 years... maybe those folk will change their opinions also.
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Old 03-21-2012, 03:59 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by veryinterested View Post
To expand, my original question was whether it was possible to be with the same person sexually for a lifetime and not get bored. I also mentioned that I was interested in an open relationship, but my fiance was not.
I believe it is possible to be with one person for a lifetime and not be bored. I don't, however, personally know anyone for whom that's true. I know a lot of folks.

The person you marry at 20, or even 30, will not be the person you find yourself married to at 70, or even, likely, 60 (even if they have the same name and weight as they did when you married them). People change. I find people endlessly fascinating. One or many, they all fascinate me.

I also noticed nobody said it depends on what you call 'long term.' [from the original post] If that means till you die, I dunno. I know there's a poly tangle on here in which the married couple has been together 14 years (although married slightly fewer years than that). I haven't had any relationships that long. ('cept parents, and that's not pertinent to this discussion)

I'm glad you found this place. Much better for answers to poly questions than yahoo.
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Old 03-20-2012, 09:51 PM
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I guess it depends on what you mean by extremely. It's not the norm, obviously. But there's no way to get real numbers, because people are so closeted.

Dan Savage suggests that successful open marriages are much more common than people think and filled a column with anecdotes to prove his point -- http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/S...e?oid=11412386 -- and this great article from The Advocate expands on the topic with some very interesting research and more anecdotes -- http://www.advocate.com/Print_Issue/...es/Monogamish/

My gf and her husband have been together for 10+ years and married for, I think, 4, and they have one of the strongest marriages I've seen (now, wasn't always).

So, I'd say false, but again it depends on how you slice it.
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Old 03-20-2012, 11:06 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by veryinterested View Post
I posted a question concerning open relationships at another forum and this was one of the answers I received. I'm curious to get alternate opinions. Thanks!
How can we give opinions when we don't know what the question was? You only gave us one of the answers you got.

BTW, I think that, in general, blanket statements based on assumptions or limited observations suck.
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