Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 03-19-2012, 02:34 AM
Lotus Lotus is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Iowa
Posts: 16
Unhappy Jealousy

My husband and I have been open for nearly a year and a half. He's had two girlfriends in that time, and both of those relationships basically fell apart because of my jealousy and possessiveness.

I currently have a boyfriend, who is also in a poly marriage, and I have noticed that I am starting to feel those same emotions with him. And I really don't like that.

I don't want to be the reason anyone is unhappy, especially my partners.

My question is this: How does one conquer jealousy? Or, at the very least, how does one get it under control?
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 03-19-2012, 02:39 AM
NovemberRain's Avatar
NovemberRain NovemberRain is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 695
Default

You can do a tag search here in these forums, for 'jealousy' and find many threads on it. There's a thread somewhere called 'golden nuggets' full of many wonderful tips.

Have you done any therapy? Could be helpful, especially since it sounds like you're recognizing the common denominator is you.
__________________
Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own...
Robert A. Heinlein

Me: female, bi, (formerly hinge of a vee)
with FirstBoyFriend (FBF)(moderately long-distance)
and no longer with CurrentBoyFriend (CBF)(who lives in the apartment building next door)
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 03-19-2012, 02:43 AM
Lotus Lotus is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Iowa
Posts: 16
Default

Thanks.

I know I need therapy for issues other than the jealousy, and that couples therapy might be helpful as well. I'm just worried that any therapist I/we find will try to tell me/us that we need to close our relationship in order for me to get rid of these issues.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 03-19-2012, 02:48 AM
NovemberRain's Avatar
NovemberRain NovemberRain is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 695
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lotus View Post
Thanks.

I know I need therapy for issues other than the jealousy, and that couples therapy might be helpful as well. I'm just worried that any therapist I/we find will try to tell me/us that we need to close our relationship in order for me to get rid of these issues.
I know someone else can speak to this, but I think on the internet somewhere there's a list of poly-friendly counselors. And you can ask before booking a session.

If you have other issues, working on them might go some ways into relieving the jealousy, too.
__________________
Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own...
Robert A. Heinlein

Me: female, bi, (formerly hinge of a vee)
with FirstBoyFriend (FBF)(moderately long-distance)
and no longer with CurrentBoyFriend (CBF)(who lives in the apartment building next door)
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 03-19-2012, 01:48 PM
redpepper's Avatar
redpepper redpepper is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,634
Default

Usually jealousy can be broken apart, as jealousy is comprised of a cluster of different emotions. Jealousy is like an onion, that has different layers that can be looked at. Some people can do that on their own, some need help (therapy sounds like it could be a good idea).

If you are able to find the time to sit and pull apart every piece of this feeling in your brain and look at each bit individually then you might not only figure out why you are jealous, but what to do about it. Sometimes the simple act of pulling it all apart and looking at it relieves the symptoms and makes a person realize that its not all bad and that really they are just needing some support in certain areas.... most of the time its about not feeling loved and needing to get to the bottom of what makes one feel loved, not getting enough time with a person, feeling inadequate in some way etc.

Hope you figure it out
__________________
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM
My blog

Last edited by redpepper; 03-19-2012 at 01:50 PM.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
envy, jealous, jealousy

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 02:45 PM.