New Triad: Field Notes

[mixer]

As mentioned here, Lucy brought home a new friend and we’ve decided to keep her.

We had our Awkward Chat last night, and it went very well*. We’ve decided to go with a triad rather than a V. There was much poking and prodding from me to be damn sure that that’s what Ethel actually wants, as she and I don’t really know each other yet.

Which brings me to my next point. Ethel and I both get to experience a very quick ramp-up of NRE in a situation that will be as close to casual sex as I’ve ever experienced. I’m already feeling (obviously) a good amount of that now, and we haven’t even kissed. Obviously she’s already been swimming in the stuff, so she won’t see nearly as much increase in proportional terms. The slope of that graph promises to be an interesting one for me. The last time this happened the buildup was much different, much more like the typical quasi-spontaneous unicorn scenario.

Seeing them both out the door this morning was… interesting. I realized later that I had felt a bit guilty when I put my arm around Ethel’s waist while we were standing in the kitchen, and hugging her as she left. I believe it’s residual cultural programming that will fall away. I imagine it will be much easier to relax about it all once there’s a slight bit less sexual tension in the air. She slept in the guest bedroom last night, as it was an early morning for us grownups. Tonight, however, involves no Awkward Chat** to get through first, and none of us have any early morning commitments tomorrow. And hey hey, what do you know, there’s clean sheets on our bed, too.

*Too well, almost?
**I do intend to discuss the previous footnote a bit further before it all goes silly this evening.

[mixer]

I had all of the above written by around 5pm, going back and forth between that and real work. It was still in my browser unposted when a cuddle puddle formed on the couch. Long story short, by the time I went back into my office and posted that, she and I had already kissed. More than once. I briefly considered “sneaking” into my office (our guest bedroom) to post the previous report while it was still, you know, true. But alas, I had higher priorities.

We all spent a few hours in bed, then had a lovely, if somewhat late, dinner. She slept with us last night, proving once and for all that our bed just isn’t big enough for three people. This morning Lucy slept uncharacteristically late and Ethel and I had a lovely morning sharing coffee in the nude.

We’ve all discussed things, together and in pairs, and so far nobody seems to feel any awkwardness, jealousy, territorial twinges, or any of that. Ethel and I have talked further about the things I mentioned being skeptical of, i.e. her willingness to be involved and intimate with me, and also her comfort level with being excluded from intercourse. She claims to be okay with both and seems to have pretty solid reasoning behind those claims. From everything I can tell she is being honest with both me and, much more importantly, herself. Time will tell, of course.

So 36 hours in I would have to label this a stunning success. The dynamics are already much more sound and stable than they were three years ago, despite Lucy teasing me relentlessly about having a “shiny new toy”.

[BaggagePatrol]

Sounds like you're having a wonderful time! There's nothing like the beginning stages of a triad; so exciting, fun and revelatory every day. Enjoy!

[AnnabelMore]

Glad to hear that things are going well! Communication and honesty are paramount, and it seems like you guys have a good handle on that. May I ask, are you asking exclusivity from Ethel, that she not be involved with anyone else while she's involved with you two?

[mixer]

Originally Posted by AnnabelMore

are you asking exclusivity from Ethel, that she not be involved with anyone else while she's involved with you two?

No, we’re not. Obviously if she got involved with someone that might or might not change the dynamics of what currently exists. We’ll work that out if/when it arises.

[AnnabelMore]

Originally Posted by mixer

No, we’re not. Obviously if she got involved with someone that might or might not change the dynamics of what currently exists. We’ll work that out if/when it arises.

Kewl. I've seen other peeps in your situation try to set such restrictions and it always seems hella premature and controlling to me.

[morethantwo]

Originally Posted by mixer

I had all of the above written by around 5pm, going back and forth between that and real work. It was still in my browser unposted when a cuddle puddle formed on the couch. Long story short, by the time I went back into my office and posted that, she and I had already kissed. More than once. I briefly considered “sneaking” into my office (our guest bedroom) to post the previous report while it was still, you know, true. But alas, I had higher priorities.

We all spent a few hours in bed, then had a lovely, if somewhat late, dinner. She slept with us last night, proving once and for all that our bed just isn’t big enough for three people. This morning Lucy slept uncharacteristically late and Ethel and I had a lovely morning sharing coffee in the nude.

We’ve all discussed things, together and in pairs, and so far nobody seems to feel any awkwardness, jealousy, territorial twinges, or any of that. Ethel and I have talked further about the things I mentioned being skeptical of, i.e. her willingness to be involved and intimate with me, and also her comfort level with being excluded from intercourse. She claims to be okay with both and seems to have pretty solid reasoning behind those claims. From everything I can tell she is being honest with both me and, much more importantly, herself. Time will tell, of course.

So 36 hours in I would have to label this a stunning success. The dynamics are already much more sound and stable than they were three years ago, despite Lucy teasing me relentlessly about having a “shiny new toy”.

Good Luck.. and remember the killer "b's"

Be Fair
Be Honest
Be Safe

[redpepper]

Originally Posted by mixer

As mentioned here, Lucy brought home a new friend and we’ve decided to keep her.
.....
She slept in the guest bedroom last night, as it was an early morning for us grownups.

Originally Posted by mixer

Ethel and I have talked further about the things I mentioned being skeptical of, i.e. her willingness to be involved and intimate with me, and also her comfort level with being excluded from intercourse.

It seems you are starting something lovely. Good for you. I was just wondering about the above quotes.

Is this how you are seeing it? Like she is something that you are keeping? Or are you being cute here. I'm just a bit skeptical (from hearing of past experiences with this kind of arrangement) about this and your assumption of ownership. I noticed that someone asked you if you are intending that she be inclusive, and you said no, but I just thought I would ask.

Is it also meant to be funny when you say that the grownups have an early morning or is she much younger than you? I dunno, I found this a little off some how... likely I am reading into all this, its really early in the morning here.

Lastly, this is a non-sexual arrangement between you and this new woman in your life then? It seems so.... just wondering. And just wondering how that is working in a triad? I would think there would be some frustration arise... unless one of you is asexual and its a comfortable dynamic this way?

[mixer]

Originally Posted by redpepper

It seems you are starting something lovely. Good for you.

Yes, it definitely does. We are all three quite happy about things, and not just sexually.

Originally Posted by redpepper

Is this how you are seeing it? Like she is something that you are keeping? Or are you being cute here.

Yes, I am rather, shall we say, glib. If there’s a point of any gravity that I’m trying to communicate, I’ll generally do so bluntly. Everything else is just me trying to amuse myself and whatever poor fool has to read what I write.

But no, that’s just silly phrasing. We are all three adults, and while we are planning for the long haul, there is no expectation of ownership, possession, or anything of that nature. We will probably joke around and say things like that as terms of affection and whatnot, but that’s as far as it goes.

Originally Posted by redpepper

Is it also meant to be funny when you say that the grownups have an early morning or is she much younger than you?

Yes, she is much younger. I’m 40, Lucy is in her early thirties, and Ethel is in her mid-twenties. We discussed this extensively. Our previous girlfriend was also much younger, and that was a point of concern. We came to the conclusion that she was very mature for her age. We were mistaken. Therefore we have looked even more closely at that issue this time, and we have discussed it at length with Ethel.

But what that comment referred to is that Lucy and I have schedules to keep, and Ethel was here visiting, so didn’t have to get up early on a weekday. She’s just as much of a grown-up in that regard, and actually has a tougher work schedule than me and Lucy combined. Which kinda sucks from a self-centered point of view. Really complicates visiting arrangements.

Originally Posted by redpepper

Lastly, this is a non-sexual arrangement between you and this new woman in your life then? It seems so.... just wondering. And just wondering how that is working in a triad? I would think there would be some frustration arise... unless one of you is asexual and its a comfortable dynamic this way?

It is a full and proper triad, except that Ethel and I don’t put Tab A into Slot B. There are some solid reasons behind this decision based on both of their histories. So far we seem able to satisfy each other just fine, and we’ve only barely scratched the surface.

[redpepper]

Thanks for the clarifications I am understanding much more now.