Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 03-09-2012, 08:40 AM
insanity insanity is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 58
Default So, how does it work?

So, after finally having this conversation with my fiance, who was very shocked..
For now we agreed that he won't get pissed off hen I go to hang out with her and that she can come more often an even stay here to sleep (and he will sleep in another room or something)
For now this is the best I could get
But I guess I have to be happy with that.. and whatever future brings..

But I don't know how to deal with my feelings.. whenever I think of the girl, and I do that A LOT I feel sort of bad, whenever I think of him, I feel bad, I am full of anxiety and can't let go of it..

I want them both to be happy with whatever is happening and I feel like I am failing... I don't want to give up on any of them so that's not an option..

We are supposed to go to our friend how are leading this kind of a relationship so that my friend can talk to my boyfriend and tell him that he is not being left out and all that stuff.. it seems that it is how he feel that there is "no more us" and it is so not true...

How these things work really?
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 03-09-2012, 09:00 AM
insanity insanity is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 58
Default

what I mean is that I can never be 100% emotionally connected to either of them, is that even right??
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 03-09-2012, 04:25 PM
redpepper's Avatar
redpepper redpepper is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,634
Default

You can never be connected to those you love all the time. I'm sure you love certain relatives and yet don't think of them all the time and feel connected to them all of the time. I suggest giving yourself a break and remind your self to connect with yourself first before concerning yourself with connecting with others.

How you are feeling is how I burned out, until I decided to switch it around. I would connect in those moments when you rediscover how wonderful they are and decide to be delighted and filled with joy then. It seems to be a good way to live and make love abundant in my life anyway. Guilt and fear do nothing for spreading love in my experience.
__________________
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM
My blog
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 03-09-2012, 04:34 PM
insanity insanity is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 58
Default

I know you are right, but sometimes (most of the time) it is hard on me to control my emotions.
I sometimes feel like a mental cheater, since my boyfriend isn't completely comfortable (or maybe he is but still very shocked, either way it upsets me)
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 03-09-2012, 04:38 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 7,266
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by insanity View Post
what I mean is that I can never be 100% emotionally connected to either of them, is that even right??
Why not? What does "100% emotionally connected" mean to you, anyway? Aren't you 100% yourself whether you are alone or in the company of another? When you are present, how can you be less than all of who you are in any given moment?

Are you looking at polyamory as something that divides up your feelings and energies with other people? Because a lot of people feel that polyamory expands our ability to love, even though our time cannot be spent 100% with one or the other person.
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me. ~Bryan Ferry
"Love is that condition in which another person's happiness is essential to your own." ~Robert Heinlein
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 03-09-2012, 05:55 PM
insanity insanity is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 58
Default

Well, on one hand it seems that you are right; it is like when a mother has two kids and she spends more time with one rather than the other it doesn't mean she doesn't love the other (although the other might think that)

but on the other hand, is it emotional cheating?
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 03-09-2012, 05:56 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 7,266
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by insanity View Post
but on the other hand, is it emotional cheating?
Is what, specifically, "emotional cheating?"
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me. ~Bryan Ferry
"Love is that condition in which another person's happiness is essential to your own." ~Robert Heinlein
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 03-09-2012, 05:59 PM
insanity insanity is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 58
Default

I know that the whole polyamory idea is that it is possible loving more than one person, so when I am with one, I am not 100% with them since there is also another one... or am I wrong?
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 02:22 AM.