Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Introductions

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 02-28-2012, 06:58 PM
confusedbigirl confusedbigirl is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 5
Default am i poly?

This is something I've been thinking about and struggling with for awhile. I'm a 23 year old bi female. I've often felt like in a relationship, I'm not 100% happy, and if in a relationship with a guy, I fantasize about being with a female and vise versa. I feel like the only solution is to have both but the thought completely overwhelms me. I struggled with coming to terms with bisexuality, now this?? I can't imagine meeting two people of the opposite sex to be with who are open to this, PLUS the thought of being open about polyamory to my family/friends.
So I guess I'm just very new and confused about who I am.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 02-29-2012, 03:36 AM
Moonglow Moonglow is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 145
Default

Well, mainly you have to really envision relationships and not just sexual aspects of that? You have to take babysteps, and not get overwhelmed. There are a lot of great resources for you. The best thing I can say is once you come to terms with who you are, things will become more clear. If you read around the forums you will see lots of success stories. Just one step at a time. Welcome to the forum!
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 02-29-2012, 04:04 AM
KyleKat KyleKat is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Central Illinois
Posts: 284
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by confusedbigirl View Post
This is something I've been thinking about and struggling with for awhile. I'm a 23 year old bi female. I've often felt like in a relationship, I'm not 100% happy, and if in a relationship with a guy, I fantasize about being with a female and vise versa. I feel like the only solution is to have both but the thought completely overwhelms me. I struggled with coming to terms with bisexuality, now this?? I can't imagine meeting two people of the opposite sex to be with who are open to this, PLUS the thought of being open about polyamory to my family/friends.
So I guess I'm just very new and confused about who I am.
I may be more unique than I think but I have never considered same sex relationships as the same as opposite sex relationships. They each have their own pros and cons. My rule has always been, even before I considered myself poly, "one of each". That means if my wife came to me during our monogamous time and said "I want to go out with this girl tonight and have a relationship with her" I would have said "bring me back leftovers from the restaraunt" and then probably had an ear to ear grin when she came home. I just don't feel competition from the opposite sex.

You will find a way to make it work.
__________________
"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is the regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." - Sydney Smith

Kyle: 27 year old male
Katie (rymmare): 25 year old female
Kids: girl: 5 years old, boy: 3 years old
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 03-05-2012, 06:30 PM
Polywaw Polywaw is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 22
Default

Hi Confused,

My wife went through this, as did several friends of ours. One has embraced the poly, another has determined due to her religious feelings she must be straight regardless of her feelings, and another decided she couldn't "handle" the stress of a multi-person relationship.

And my wife is eager for an open marriage.

4 people there, half went for poly, half didn't. Coming to grips with it can be frightening and relieving. Finding someone can be frustrating and exhilarating. When you break it down to the simple form, I'm not sure it's that different than a "straight" and "mono" relationship.

You find someone you're attracted to, are you compatible? Do you hold similar views, goals, beliefs? If any of those are different, are they compatible?

The idea of being open about polyamory to family and friends can be tricky. I've come out to my family, my dad has been entirely accepting, my mom ignores the idea. My wife feels that her family couldn't handle the idea and would be entirely upset. (However, if she came how and was lesbian with a female partner, they'd be more accepting). For many Americans (if that is indeed where you're from), have a hard time separating sluts and poly people in their mind. (Probably because there isn't a common and positive media portrayal, but that's another story).

Why does the thought overwhelm you?
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 03-05-2012, 10:07 PM
polypenguin polypenguin is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 133
Default

hey there Ms. Confusedbigirl,

first off, let me say welcome. secondly, your story is about the same more or less to about half of the people here. So you're not alone. Lastly, there are many people who are open/becoming open to that kind of relationship, after all, that is the reason these forums exist. Even the word polyamory is what you described on one form or another.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 06-25-2014, 01:46 PM
confusedbigirl confusedbigirl is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 5
Default

Hope it's ok to resurrect this. It's wierd reading a post I made 2
1/2 years ago, I still feel the same a little bit but more comfortable with the idea of a poly relationship. I still feel like a newbie though and have a lot to learn about it I think.
I don't thin of a poly relationship as having lots of sex, I actually have a bit of a low sex drive so I guess the idea of a poly relationship appeals to me even more because I don't have to feel guilty about not wanting to have sex, that person can fulfill their needs from someone else. I also M not confused about being bi, I know I am even though I've had only a few experiences with women. I know that when I do want sex, I guess in a long term relationship with a man, I'd feel like something is missing.

Last edited by confusedbigirl; 06-25-2014 at 01:49 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 06-25-2014, 11:23 PM
kdt26417's Avatar
kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
Official Greeter
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Yelm, Washington
Posts: 7,349
Default

Hi confusedbigirl,
Welcome back.

You'd be surprised how many (e.g. married) couples there are who arrive on Polyamory.com seeking a bisexual woman. You should have no shortage of takers, just make sure they treat you right!

I noticed you have a couple of other new posts; I'm curious and will check those out.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
__________________
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 12:15 PM.