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  #1  
Old 02-21-2012, 02:50 AM
UnfoldingHearts UnfoldingHearts is offline
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Default New to this

Hello,

My husband and I have been married for almost ten years this year, and just about two weeks ago I noticed that he was pushing me away. I didn't really know what to do. All I knew is that I loved him and was willing to let him go flirt or hang out with another woman because I wanted him to be happy. I told him to do that and from that point we poured out every honest secret we were feeling. It brought back a lot of feelings that I had for him. We have our souls back instead of keeping them locked away in a fantasy box, and I never felt more love for him than I do now. This has been about a week ago, and I have tons of mixed feelings and I am so glad there are other people out there to share the love with. If anyone can offer any encouragement for me to feel better about our situation I would appreciate that.

Thanks,

Unfoldinghearts
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  #2  
Old 02-21-2012, 02:58 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Default Encouragment.

If anyone can offer any encouragement for me to feel better about our situation I would appreciate that."


Just because your hubby has feelings for someone else doesn't mean he doesn't also care for you. "Pouring" honesty into the mix can only help. However if this whole concept is new to the both of you, then I think the slower the pace the better.

Good luck and happy loving!
__________________
Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" Vee-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (23+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (4+ yrs) and MrS's best friend
Lotus: poly bi married female, "it's complicated" relationships with Dude/JaneQ/MrS (1+ years)
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.


My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
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  #3  
Old 02-21-2012, 03:06 AM
UnfoldingHearts UnfoldingHearts is offline
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The second I gave him permission two days later he started chatting with another woman. I am just feeling crappy about it. I guess I will get over it. I just have so many emotions about this and it sucks really bad. I want to try this out too, but I guess since I let him go finally he saw the chance to do it. I guess I would like to have another man tell that he cares about me since he so eager to chat with another woman. Thank you.
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  #4  
Old 02-21-2012, 04:50 PM
UnfoldingHearts UnfoldingHearts is offline
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Default Reply from last night.

I guess the best way to cope with him is learn when to spend time with each other. It is almost like I am suffering from separation anxiety. There should be a time to spend talking with his new friend and a time to spend talking and share ourselves with each other. Does that sound like I understand this a little bit? Anybody can respond to this. I just need to be patient.

Thanks,

Unfolding Hearts
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  #5  
Old 02-23-2012, 12:49 AM
techdotcom techdotcom is offline
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You've spent your whole life training and practicing monogamy. You are going to have some painful adjustments to make as far as your emotional reflexes go. It takes time and experience with these new situations to see and really believe/feel secure.

Being very open and communicative with your husband and trying very hard to not have knee jerk reactions and obsess is going to be the key. It's like when you first started your relationship so many years ago, this situation is going to require emotional and social skills that you may have not really ever needed. Just don't make hasty decisions, move slowly, and keep the lines of communication open.
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  #6  
Old 02-23-2012, 04:38 AM
UnfoldingHearts UnfoldingHearts is offline
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Thanks for all of the advice so far. I hope that will help us.
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