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Old 02-15-2010, 06:08 AM
darthsabbath darthsabbath is offline
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Default Shared responsibility in a poly family

I did a cursory search on this topic (very brief, admittedly), and didn't find any posts, so apologies if this dead horse has taken a beating already. :-)

One of the aspects of poly that my wife and I find appealing is the poly family and shared responsibility. Whether it's a triad, quad, or some other configuration, we're curious about the pros and cons of how successfully it works in the real world. We've done a good bit of research on the web and have found conflicting opinions. I certainly expect to find a variety of them here as well, but it will be interesting to get some first hand accounts.

So... if you are in, or have been in, a poly family (or if you just have an opinion on the matter)... how did that work for you? How are bills, kids, cooking, etc. handled in your situation?
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Old 02-15-2010, 02:58 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Hello Darth,
There have been discussions come up at various times on here about family issues. One small one here I found is..

http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=2058
and
http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showt...light=finances
and
http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showt...light=finances

If I can locate some others I'll pass them on to you - or the search terms that hit well. I think it is quite scattered and usually has often come out just in the course of other discussions.

GS

Last edited by GroundedSpirit; 02-15-2010 at 03:03 PM.
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Old 02-16-2010, 08:13 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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We don't live together but for what it's worth we are starting the process of buying a house that Mono would have an apartment in. Although he is here all the time and has taken care of a great many things that need fixing as well as light house hold chores, and looking after the boy, we really want to make sure that he and I have our own space together... we cherish that and Nerdist cherishes his space when I am gone...

As for finances... Mono would pay the rent as any tenant would and our households would be divided that way too. I am predicting that not much will change in terms of our dynamic, only that I will be closer to home in case of emergencies and so that time together will be spent together, not traveling.

My on going concern is how much our boy spends time with me. He loves his Mono... I wish I could tell you the nick name he has given him, but it would give his identity away and so I will resist. They play all kinds of boy games together as he does with his dad. Sometimes all of them together. I think he has HUGELY benefited from Mono being in his life as I think our boy has in Mono's life.

As in many poly relationships, time is a big issue and I am spread thin between all of them. So far we have done well. The first thing to go is quite often my time to myself.
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Old 02-16-2010, 03:02 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Hey RP,

Your explanation of the interactions with your son and the 'guys' is a great example of how wonderful things can blossom for everyone involved - especially your son. Thank you !

But......
Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
.......As in many poly relationships, time is a big issue and I am spread thin between all of them. So far we have done well. The first thing to go is quite often my time to myself.
I really hope the guys take notice of this quote and think about it. That 'me' time is SO critical to people's well being and like you said - it's easy to get spread too thin. When that happens, all the interactions start to become more of a burden than a pleasure and tension & resentment start to bubble under the surface. It sneaks up on you sometimes unnoticed so it's good for everyone to help try to keep that in the sights.

Hang in there

GS
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Old 02-16-2010, 03:26 PM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GroundedSpirit View Post

I really hope the guys take notice of this quote and think about it.

Hang in there

GS
We do GS. RP is a huge exteravert who fills up her calendar all by herself. Me and Polynedrist are introverts...me to the extreme in many ways. I have never been so socially busy since I met RP, I have always spent most of my time by myself in my own comfy little world so to speak. She spreads herself out quite effectively without any assitance from us...errrr...you know what I mean


Polybnerdist and I are very appreciative for the effort Redpepper puts in to ensuring we have time togehter as individuals and as a group. I don't think either of us alone would have the capacity to maintain the pace she does, in fact I think she is more active than both of us combined LOL!
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Last edited by MonoVCPHG; 02-16-2010 at 03:35 PM.
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Old 02-16-2010, 04:13 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
. She spreads herself out quite effectively without any assitance from us...errrr...you know what I mean
LOLOL - yep I know exactly what you mean........

Quote:
Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
Polybnerdist and I are very appreciative for the effort Redpepper puts in to ensuring we have time togehter as individuals and as a group. I don't think either of us alone would have the capacity to maintain the pace she does, in fact I think she is more active than both of us combined LOL!
That sounds SO much like K used to be, although it's changed somewhat for now. But she got fairly skilled after awhile about recognizing when she was in too deep (!) and would block out the 'ME' time she needed before she burned out. But being that these social animals can run rampant to their own detriment, you may have to even consider occasionally exchanging roles as to who's holding the leash LOL

GS
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