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  #1  
Old 02-12-2010, 06:01 PM
polytriad polytriad is offline
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Lightbulb The second start

Hello all,

My wife and I started having a NSA physical relationship with one of my old friends (female) it started developing into more then that very fast which we all acknowledged but didnt dont anything to slow down. It ended as fast as it started due to some issue my wife and I had to work out.

Needless to say my wife and I both had/have strong feeling for our sweet sweet Nikki. My wife has always looked at being with women as just a sexual thing until Nikki and has never thought of having a emotional relationship with a female. During the "abrupt" ending of our NSA that started to not be so NSA Nikki and I had sex with the understanding that my wife and I were done....."Wrong" my wife felt betrayed and reverted back to women are for sex and men suck.

I'm happy to say we worked thing out. I confessed that I talked Nikki into sex under the premises my wife and I were done ... I mean come on she moved out...I told her that Nikki was really only trying to comfort me. With time and communication we were able to get past all that because we were all friends prior to out NSA dealings.

Ok that is the backround....now to the second start question...

We (my wife nikki and I) have decided to give the triad another shot with a new understanding and a new approach to pace and communication.

The current situation is that My wife and Nikki are dating each other and Nikki and I are just friends. they go out on dates and make day plans and once they re-connect and get that spark back between them we will connect all the parts (meaing we will all be together) I am cool with it. I want them to be close because if feel like my wife and I are close and I feel like Nikki and I are close and I think my wife and Nikki should be close as well.


What is your take on this set up? Do you think that its a good Idea. Do you see problems from rising from this situation? How can I give them space without making it seem like I'm being standoffish because I'm jealous or upset (which I'm not)

thank you for reading this whole thing. and thanks for your thoughtful response.

Last edited by polytriad; 02-12-2010 at 06:21 PM.
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  #2  
Old 02-12-2010, 10:11 PM
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CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
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Originally Posted by polytriad View Post
What is your take on this set up?
pretty much my standard answer - if it works for all three of you, then more power to ya!

Quote:
Originally Posted by polytriad View Post
Do you think that its a good Idea.
It's a Good Idea if it meets the needs of the three of you - nobody else has any right to tell you otherwise, and is just meddling, in my opinion.

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Originally Posted by polytriad View Post
Do you see problems from rising from this situation?
Since I don't know the individuals involved that is a very difficult question to answer.

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Originally Posted by polytriad View Post
How can I give them space without making it seem like I'm being standoffish because I'm jealous or upset (which I'm not)
OK the answer to this is both simple and complicated. Communicate. And do it a LOT. Make sure that all three of you understand each others hopes and expectations to the point where there is no doubt. A lot of the secret of making this work is developing a trust between you - trusting that you know what the other wants out of it and that they aren't hiding it or leaving out "inconvenient truths".

When you talk about this, work through the logistics of the dynamics of your relationship, including alone time for each of you individually, and as couples different people have different needs and it's important to understand them so you can plan around them.
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  #3  
Old 02-12-2010, 10:18 PM
polytriad polytriad is offline
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pretty much my standard answer - if it works for all three of you, then more power to ya!

It's a Good Idea if it meets the needs of the three of you - nobody else has any right to tell you otherwise, and is just meddling, in my opinion.

Since I don't know the individuals involved that is a very difficult question to answer.

OK the answer to this is both simple and complicated. Communicate. And do it a LOT. Make sure that all three of you understand each others hopes and expectations to the point where there is no doubt. A lot of the secret of making this work is developing a trust between you - trusting that you know what the other wants out of it and that they aren't hiding it or leaving out "inconvenient truths".

When you talk about this, work through the logistics of the dynamics of your relationship, including alone time for each of you individually, and as couples different people have different needs and it's important to understand them so you can plan around them.
Where my concern is, is that all of the separate relationships could create an issue in making it to the "goal" of being in one relationship with the three of us. I feel like we should be doing it all together. Even though I am ok with the status quoe It just feels like there will be problems with connecting as on unit if so much time is being dedicated to the separation.
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Old 02-12-2010, 10:30 PM
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CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
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Where my concern is, is that all of the separate relationships could create an issue in making it to the "goal" of being in one relationship with the three of us. I feel like we should be doing it all together. Even though I am ok with the status quoe It just feels like there will be problems with connecting as on unit if so much time is being dedicated to the separation.
Well, do the three of you share that goal? If so, then you will all be working toward that. how to find out? Talk about it! If you do not all share that goal, then it's going to be a frustrating struggle to make it happen.

Most people feel better to least each relationship develop as it will - organically if you like. You have four relationships that can each develop - the ones between each pairing (3) and the one of the three of you together - spending time to nurture each of these and to see what they can be is very important. I would advise against trying to make it fit some mold or pre-conceived idea if you can. Let it be whatever it will be.
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Old 02-12-2010, 11:07 PM
polytriad polytriad is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CielDuMatin View Post
Well, do the three of you share that goal? If so, then you will all be working toward that. how to find out? Talk about it! If you do not all share that goal, then it's going to be a frustrating struggle to make it happen.

Most people feel better to least each relationship develop as it will - organically if you like. You have four relationships that can each develop - the ones between each pairing (3) and the one of the three of you together - spending time to nurture each of these and to see what they can be is very important. I would advise against trying to make it fit some mold or pre-conceived idea if you can. Let it be whatever it will be.
WOW...I totally get that. I feel so much better after reading that. Thanks. You are quite wise.
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  #6  
Old 02-13-2010, 07:45 AM
JonnyAce JonnyAce is offline
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The only concern i would have , is what happens if they don't reconnect in that way? You did say that they've been going on dates, so maybe that reconnection has happened already, but you seemed to indicate that they are trying to figure that part out.
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