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Old 02-03-2010, 06:14 AM
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Seasnail Seasnail is offline
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Default Polyfidelity

Given that polyfidelity is the goal, what are the steps you might take to introduce new relationships?
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Old 02-03-2010, 02:20 PM
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I think the answer to this question very much depends on the rules and boundaries that are set up in your individual group relationship. If you don't have any, then I would suggest you discuss it with your partners first, and work out what would be considered the "right way" to do it for you.

Since my brand of poly tends to be more towards the polyfi end we have discussed this. Essentially, the prospective new person gets to meet the group before any sort of emotional investment is made. Since the expectation is that they will be a lot closer with the group, the intention is that everyone have a chance to get to know the person, and express their feelings about the person.

The dating process is also a little different in that it's not just the one person doing the "getting to know you" part, but that everyone takes part in at least the social aspect of the thing. For us, we really want to have a functioning friendship with the others, at the very least, so that has to be something with which everyone feels comfortable.

In a polyfi relationship, a mutual trust is even more vital so that has to be established.
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Old 02-03-2010, 04:31 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Seasnail View Post
Given that polyfidelity is the goal, what are the steps you might take to introduce new relationships?
Hi Seasnail,

Could you possibly clarify that question some ? Introduce ????

Are you talking about how you might meet prospective loves, how you would explain your lovestyle & desires to them, or what ?

Thanks

GS
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Old 02-03-2010, 06:40 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Seasnail View Post
Given that polyfidelity is the goal, what are the steps you might take to introduce new relationships?
Hi Seasnail,

I'm with GS on this one as far as needing clarification. I'm thinking that your personnel goal is polyfidelity? Keeping in mind there are a few different ideas of what that implies. One is as follows: http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1720

Polyfidelity n : a group in which all partners are primary to all other partners and sexual fidelity is to the group; shared intent of a lifelong run together. More primary partners can be added with everyone's consent. The term was coined by the Kerista commune.

Mono
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Old 02-03-2010, 07:08 PM
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Oops, maybe I jumped the gun and answered the question that I thought was being asked...
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Old 02-03-2010, 08:41 PM
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Definitely need to identify what poly-fi means to you.

For us-we're a V-so we don't fit the "every partner being equally involved with one another" as both maca and gg are straight.

But we do have the understanding that we require another person to be close friends with all of us at the very least.

If/when someone comes along who is potential for that (friendship with all of us and romantically involved with at least one of us) then we would require that the person be willing/able to spend time with all of us to build up those relationships with each of us before being allowed to become part of our family..
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Old 02-04-2010, 01:29 AM
StitchwitchD StitchwitchD is offline
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Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
Definitely need to identify what poly-fi means to you.

For us-we're a V-so we don't fit the "every partner being equally involved with one another" as both maca and gg are straight.

But we do have the understanding that we require another person to be close friends with all of us at the very least.

If/when someone comes along who is potential for that (friendship with all of us and romantically involved with at least one of us) then we would require that the person be willing/able to spend time with all of us to build up those relationships with each of us before being allowed to become part of our family..
Would any new partner be required to also be poly-fi? For example, if one of the guys was interested in a poly woman who was already in a relationship, what would happen?
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Old 02-04-2010, 02:30 AM
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Would any new partner be required to also be poly-fi? For example, if one of the guys was interested in a poly woman who was already in a relationship, what would happen?
No idea what the requirements will be, as for what would happen, that I can answer.

If either of the guys (or myself as I am bi)
was interested in a poly (or mono)
woman (or man) who was
in (or not) a relationship outside of our circle,
we would all sit down to talk (as usual) and make arrangements to get to know that person.

The bottom line is connection-if we feel that the person can fit into our family dynamic, if we can be friends and we have a common comfort with them and they with us
-it doesn't matter what the "layout" is.
I know that a lot of people have "rules" about what type of form their family takes, but the problem with that (at least in my view) is that you could get the form, by putting a group of jerks together, to have a good family you have to accept the people who "fit" together, not fit people to a design...
I am not speaking in clear terms, I apologize-I'm not sure what terms would clearly say what I mean.
But I'm happy to answer more specific questions if I was TOO confusing!
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