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  #1  
Old 02-04-2012, 04:44 PM
Naomi Naomi is offline
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Default Wearing your wedding/engagement ring

Hey guys! I tried a quick search to see if there were any other threads on this and couldn't find one... Please point me in the right direction if I missed it.

The question I wanted to ask is for those of you that are married or engaged and in poly/open relationships... Do you always wear your ring?

The main reason I ask is that if I'm wearing my engagement ring, the whole "Do you have a boyfriend" question won't even come up... Because they'll notice the ring and assume I'm married or engaged. If they notice the ring and make this assumption, it robs me of the opportunity to fill them in on the fact that I am actually still available... I don't want to be too obvious - as if I'm wearing a billboard that says I'm available - but I also don't want to give the impression that I'm off limits. I'd prefer it to just come up naturally but I feel as if a guy might notice my ring and have it deter him enough so that he wouldn't pursue a date or more intimate contact with me.

I'm trying a less... abrasive approach with men. In the past I've just had to be really upfront with men and pretty much just let them know I'm dtf and my man is okay with it. However, that takes away all the chase! I know men like to chase, and well, I like to be chased too! Since beforehand my man and I were only open to fuck buddies and no real romantic involvement, it wasn't as big of a deal and it was kind of the way I had to be - it wasn't about dating, it was just about sex. But now that we are also open to having other romantic partners, I think I'd like to introduce the whole dating and chase back into the mix!

Anyways, thanks for reading and I'd really appreciate it if anyone would share their thoughts or experiences on this.

The way I figure it, I'll wear my ring most of the time.. But maybe not when I'm on a first date with someone or specifically going somewhere in the hopes of meeting someone.
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Old 02-04-2012, 04:59 PM
RunicWolf RunicWolf is offline
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Yea, pretty much. There are only a few situations that can get me to take my ring off my fingers. Things been planted there for going on twelve years at this point. I've got a big old bald indent in my finger when I take it off that's a few shades lighter then my skin, so even when I take it off it's still there so to speak.

Has this helped/hurt my dating? Yep, but no more so then my honesty about being married has. It's led me to a weird conclusion about poly/open relationships in that the men seem much more willing to share then the women, as it where, so my wife has gotten more attention (wanted or not) in that department then I have. However she's the same way I am, as in she'll wear her rings all the time with only a few things that can get her to take them off.

And for the record, the only thing we generally take them off for is full contact sports, LARP, and paintball. Wouldn't want the rings getting lost/damaged in all the excitement.
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Old 02-04-2012, 05:25 PM
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BrigidsDaughter BrigidsDaughter is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RunicWolf View Post
Yea, pretty much. There are only a few situations that can get me to take my ring off my fingers. Things been planted there for going on twelve years at this point. I've got a big old bald indent in my finger when I take it off that's a few shades lighter then my skin, so even when I take it off it's still there so to speak.

Has this helped/hurt my dating? Yep, but no more so then my honesty about being married has. It's led me to a weird conclusion about poly/open relationships in that the men seem much more willing to share then the women, as it where, so my wife has gotten more attention (wanted or not) in that department then I have. However she's the same way I am, as in she'll wear her rings all the time with only a few things that can get her to take them off.

And for the record, the only thing we generally take them off for is full contact sports, LARP, and paintball. Wouldn't want the rings getting lost/damaged in all the excitement.
I'm the wife! And I can barely get my rings off in the first place, so I don't bother with taking them off. Guys who have known me since before Runic Wolf proposed almost 14 years ago, heard I was poly and thought it was open season on that magical realm between my legs. Guys who'd always wanted to date me, who were in relationships with my female friends, suddenly were sending me PM's asking to hook up. What I've noticed is that some men are more turned on by the idea of wooing and bedding a married woman; they want to be the night in shining armor and get confused when the princess doesn't need or want to be rescued.
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Old 02-04-2012, 05:42 PM
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Phy Phy is offline
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I wear my wedding band and I wear the ring Lind and I got for each other as well. Both on the ring fingers of each hand. But, I am not looking for another person right now. I guess, if I had a date I would go with the rings, just because I would have to tell the person sooner or later that this is what is my deal (if I haven't done so right from the start, which would be unlikely).

Both rings don't look like the normal golden ones, they are made of premium steel (hope that is the correct term) and I have two of them. Don't know if one would assume that those are couple rings or something like that.

If you feel that the ring is just a hindrance, leave it at home. It's just a symbol, you don't need it to validate your relationship with your husband, don't you? Just talk about what you are up to if you happen to meet a nice person.
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Old 02-04-2012, 06:11 PM
ThatGirlInGray ThatGirlInGray is offline
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As others have said, I pretty much always wear my rings. Very few things would lead me to take them off. I have a traditional engagement and wedding ring on one hand from MC and a less traditional ring for TGIB on my other hand.

I'm not actively looking right now, but when I was I still always wore my rings. Not wearing them felt like I was trying to mislead people or at least "get away with something". The way I see it, anyone who's going to dismiss me as someone to get to know because I'm wearing my rings is probably only looking for sex anyway, which isn't what I'm looking for, so no loss there.
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Old 02-04-2012, 06:26 PM
threesnocrowd threesnocrowd is offline
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Hi Naomi,
I would agree with Phy. When my wife finds a boyfriend and if everything goes well she will wear his ring on her right hand ring finger and my ring on her left hand ring finger. In the meantime she sometimes wears her ring around a chair as a necklace. That way she still has it on and it gives men an opportunity to talk about it an not think she's off limits. Good luck to you!
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Old 02-06-2012, 03:53 AM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Naomi View Post
I know men like to chase,
Seriously, you may want to check the sexism at the door. I don't care to chase and never have. So much for the notion that liking to chase is part of being a man.
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Old 04-03-2012, 05:23 AM
petersemoll petersemoll is offline
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Its up to you. What you have choosen must be good one.

Last edited by petersemoll; 04-03-2012 at 05:53 AM.
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Old 04-04-2012, 01:16 AM
KyleKat KyleKat is offline
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I went out on a date once and took my ring off for her benefit (her friends were around and they wouldn't understand). I nearly lost it that night and decided to wear it after finding it again.

I've taken it off a few other times while at the bar to make it easier to hit on women but my intention was never to hide my intentions or status. Unfortunately, I was drunk, and so the odds were already stacked against me. So off came the ring.

I much prefer the ring. Whenever I take it off, for whatever the reason, it leaves a weird feeling and I often flick my thumb over the spot to check for it. I don't like having it off. The longest I've ever had it off intentionally (sometimes I do yard work and take it off and forget about it) is maybe two hours. After that it becomes unbearable to leave it off.

My wife left her rings here when she went to LA because the size of them at the time made her nervous. They are heirlooms from her deceased mother and if she lost them she would be devastated. She wore something that I bought her that meant more to "us" than her wedding and engagement ring did.

I have since had her rings re-sized, and she wears them much more frequently.
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  #10  
Old 04-04-2012, 06:27 AM
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LadyKane LadyKane is offline
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My husband leaves his wedding ring on all the time, but mine is too big and I end up taking it off to do the dishes/bathe the baby/take my own shower and forgetting to put it back on. I'm not really an "meet new people at the bar" kinda person, but I wouldn't leave my ring off just to meet people.
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