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Old 02-02-2012, 04:08 AM
ms74 ms74 is offline
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Indiana
Posts: 7
Unhappy Please help

I have posted a couple of times on here and have gotten good advice which has helped me. I was recently in a FFM poly relationship and I say was because my girlfriend broke up with me a week ago, now she is still with her boyfriend though. We just recently moved into our own apartment so nothing is being discussed as what to do.

She has said she needs time and space and has told me she hasn't told anyone we broke up(except for the boyfriend) and hasn't changed her relationship status on facebook. So I know there is a chance that we get back together which I want that tremendously.

Since we have broken up she has been spending more time with the boyfriend which is understandable. But she is having more sex than usual which bothers me. I have so many thoughts going thru my mind as to why didn't we have that much sex, what is making her have this much sex with him(she hasn't really liked sex all that much), and was I doing something wrong which is why we didn't have sex that much?

We still get along as long as I don't bring up me wanting her back and how upset I am. And I know I could ask her all these questions if we were together but since we aren't I don't feel like I have the right. And to top it off we only have 1 car which technically is mine and she borrows it to see her boyfriend. I want to say no but I don't want to piss her off. I am just at a loss and not sure if advice will help, some of this was to just vent.

Thank you
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Old 02-02-2012, 06:47 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Say no and move on. To me she is obviously done and using you for the car. She is stringing you along I think. Say your goodbyes and get on with your life. That would be what I do anyway.
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Old 02-02-2012, 10:11 AM
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Breathesgirl Breathesgirl is offline
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I agree with Red Pepper. Tell her no. Two little letters, so hard to say.

Oh yeah, take her keys to the car, his too if he has any, as well and make sure to lock it.
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Old 02-02-2012, 05:39 PM
km34 km34 is offline
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Posts: 624

I agree to a certain extent. Take the car keys. Depending on the living situation (is your name on the lease, is her name on the lease, or are both names on the lease), set a timetable for the two of you to either move into your own places again OR work out the relationship - since you say this is what you really want.

On that note, is the relationship really worth saving? Is she even willing to work on it? If not, there is no saving it. You HAVE to talk about it for the two of you to have any relationship (even friendship) at this point, because if you don't you're always going to be pining for her and she is always going that you're there just in case she winds up alone at any point.
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Old 02-03-2012, 02:56 AM
ms74 ms74 is offline
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Indiana
Posts: 7

I appreciate the comments I have gotten. I honestly don't think she is stringing me along for the car, because she can get one anytime.

As for the lease it is in both of our names and we just moved in like 3 wks ago so we can't go anywhere for awhile. But yes I do want this to work with her, she is the best thing in my life.

I know I can be naive at times especially when it comes to love but she has always been honest with me about everything even if it hurts, that's why I don't think she is stringing me along. But then again maybe I just don't want to listen to advice unless the advice is saying what I want to hear.
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Old 02-03-2012, 03:20 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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My experience is that people always break up for a reason, and those reasons don't go away just from spending some time on yourself or making some adjustments to your living arrangements.

May I ask what reason she gave for breaking up with you? "I need space" is right up there with "It's not you, it's me." It's also code for "I just don't love you any more, so get out of my space."

I'm wondering if she's really poly or does she just use that for an excuse to be "serial monogamist with sufficient overlap to ensure she's never alone"? That would also explain why she is having more sex now with her new boyfriend...

As for the apartment and the car, I would tell her you want them both. After all, she left you, so she should actually *leave* ... you can get a roommate. Otherwise, it's possible to ask the landlord if you can transfer the lease into her name alone because you were in a romantic relationship that is no longer in existence.

Originally Posted by ms74 View Post
We still get along as long as I don't bring up me wanting her back and how upset I am.
This is tell-tale. If she were any kind of friend, she would be willing to listen to you talk about your feelings and about being upset, and she would support you through that. If she were any kind of decent partner, same story. The fact that she isn't willing to support you in any way is basically showing you that she doesn't care about your feelings.
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Last edited by SchrodingersCat; 02-03-2012 at 03:27 AM.
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