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  #1  
Old 01-28-2010, 07:18 PM
quila quila is offline
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Default hypocrisy

So I replied to a personal ad on kijiji, women seeking women, and I was very straight up that I am married to a man and desiring a romantic relationship with a woman. I got this very confused response:

Quote:
I don't understand how you expect to have a romantic relatonship with another woman while your still with your husband? Thats just setting someone up to get hurt. UNLESS your plan on having no feelings involved which is almost impossible when it's sexual, some sort of feelings will arouse.

I'm scared already of you, and I haven't even met you. I'm not to sure your what I'm looking for. I'm with someone right now, a lady. And I know it's a dead end street. She's much older then me, and I know its not who I'm meant to be with.
So I just had to comment on her hypocrisy of accusing me of setting someone up to get hurt, when she's the one posting personal ads while being in a monogamous relationship. I asked her whether her partner knows that she's seeking to replace her, or is she doing this behind her partner's back? It will be interesting to see what she has to say for herself...

*sigh*
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Old 01-28-2010, 09:01 PM
starlight1 starlight1 is offline
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I think a lot of people arent as honest with themselves as they should be. I'm currently in a casual relationship with a guy who calls himself monogomous and straight, yet we are in a relationship more like a V, between myself and another man- AND They Have Had Sex Together. Not only that he fancies more than one woman....

But at the same time he doesnt want me to date or see anyone else other than him and the guy i am currently with.....

So i'm completely in the same boat. Hypocrisy abounds among many people not willing to look at the why and how they do something, and in which way that might affect the people around them...
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Old 01-29-2010, 01:24 AM
rubyfish rubyfish is offline
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It kind of reminds me of some of the profiles I've read on okcupid for women that say they are bisexual, but aren't interested in dating or even hearing from cis-gendered straight men. Okay, whatever floats their boat. And then when you read deeper or talk to them, they also have no interest in women who date cis-gendered straight men. I don't quite understand, but I think it's a little like the person you replied to.
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Old 01-29-2010, 01:33 AM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rubyfish View Post
It kind of reminds me of some of the profiles I've read on okcupid for women that say they are bisexual, but aren't interested in dating or even hearing from cis-gendered straight men. Okay, whatever floats their boat. And then when you read deeper or talk to them, they also have no interest in women who date cis-gendered straight men. I don't quite understand, but I think it's a little like the person you replied to.
Whats a CIS-genered straight man?
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Old 01-29-2010, 02:06 AM
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Ravenesque Ravenesque is offline
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I'm sorry that happened to you quila. It seems to be another example of some having a narrow view of what love can encompass for any outside of themselves. An interesting mix of not believing in bisexuals or polyamorists.

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It kind of reminds me of some of the profiles I've read on okcupid for women that say they are bisexual, but aren't interested in dating or even hearing from cis-gendered straight men. Okay, whatever floats their boat. And then when you read deeper or talk to them, they also have no interest in women who date cis-gendered straight men. I don't quite understand, but I think it's a little like the person you replied to.
Because a bisexual woman is only interested in women at any given moment on a dating site, doesn't mean she is being a hypocrite. Those men who are interested in the bisexual woman do not validate her bisexuality by being able to date her.

~Raven~
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Old 01-29-2010, 02:44 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rubyfish View Post
It kind of reminds me of some of the profiles I've read on okcupid for women that say they are bisexual, but aren't interested in dating or even hearing from cis-gendered straight men. Okay, whatever floats their boat. And then when you read deeper or talk to them, they also have no interest in women who date cis-gendered straight men. I don't quite understand, but I think it's a little like the person you replied to.
What is cis-gendered?
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Old 01-29-2010, 02:46 AM
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I'm on okcupid, and only "seeking friends". And listed as bi-sexual (which I am) but I'm in a poly-fi relationship that allows for each of us to have 2 partners, and I already have 2.....

that doesn't mean I'm not bi, just that I'm not available...

BUT I do see a lot of hypocrisy around as well.
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Old 01-29-2010, 02:52 AM
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Cisgender and cisgendered are terms used in contrast to transgender and transgendered. Where transgendered individuals feel uncomfortable with the gender (and accompanying gender roles) assigned to them at birth, cisgendered individuals are at ease with the gender (and gender roles which are) assigned to them at birth.

It is a neoligism (gotta love new words) used within the queer (I use this word to encompass the LGBTQ+ community) community and within identity studies.

~Raven~
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~Open up your mind and let me step inside.
Rest your weary head and let your heart decide. It's so easy.
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It's so easy. All you have to do is fall in love.
Play the game.
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Last edited by Ravenesque; 01-29-2010 at 02:54 AM.
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Old 01-29-2010, 01:19 PM
rubyfish rubyfish is offline
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Like I said, I have no issue with bi women looking for women only. It's the fact that they have an issue with other women that date men that confuses me.

I should have clarified that these women listed themselves as seeking dating partners and as poly, as well.
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Old 01-29-2010, 06:12 PM
quila quila is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rubyfish View Post
It kind of reminds me of some of the profiles I've read on okcupid for women that say they are bisexual, but aren't interested in dating or even hearing from cis-gendered straight men. Okay, whatever floats their boat. And then when you read deeper or talk to them, they also have no interest in women who date cis-gendered straight men. I don't quite understand, but I think it's a little like the person you replied to.
I always list myself as bisexual on dating sites, but I've already got one guy in my life and that's plenty! It would be very misleading for me to list myself as a lesbian, even if I'm only looking for women. Most of those sites make you list what gender you're seeking, so you can be a "married, bisexual, polyamorous woman seeking women." As long as they're not posting as "bisexual woman seeking either" then they aren't being misleading.

While I can see how it would be frustrating for you to keep stumbling on these women, I don't think there's anything wrong with only wanting to date women who are lesbians. I agree that it doesn't make logical sense, but I think that lesbians and bisexual women have very different life experiences, and I can understand why a woman would want to be with someone who has the lesbian perspective. It does, however, put them in a very narrow dating pool, since a lot of lesbians refuse to date bisexual women.
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Last edited by quila; 01-29-2010 at 06:38 PM.
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