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  #1  
Old 01-26-2012, 03:33 AM
newguy newguy is offline
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Default NEWGUY's BLOG Thoughts....about all things....

So.... PolyKat is my Fiance'...I told her that I'm starting this BLOG and I asked her not to comment...

Ok...so today (actually since I found out about Poly) I have a lot on my mind and I decided to put here for several reasons but the main one is neither one of us (PolyKat nor I) want to 'go public' with what we are doing. I'm NOT looking for advice but I will read anything comments you may on my thoughts...

I love that PK is talking to me openly...but some times it's only the subjects of her choosen, and not every subject is a "open communication" topic...

Last edited by newguy; 01-26-2012 at 03:37 AM.
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  #2  
Old 01-26-2012, 01:15 PM
newguy newguy is offline
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Default PK and I are on the Hunt

PK and I are both looking for girlfriends...She wants a relationship with a girl that's just like her (this is almost 'Mission Impossible') to start a relationship with that will last a while...I want somone just like her to have sex with (not quite 'Mission Impossible" cause I will settle).

PK has never been with a woman, in fact, she has only kissed one (no tongue) on the mouth. I think that she won't be satisfied with this relationship (if it happens as all) for very long. I'm happy that she is willing to try because of our boundaries (ok, MY boundary of no men) but until recently, when they lifted the band, the thought of her being with other women never crossed her mind. In fact, it was my 'boundary' that brought up this feeling because she feels she needs more than one relationship. Not sure how I feel about that yet.

Our search has us on different websites looking, we both are getting frustrated at all of the (how can I say it) 'not our type' women on these sites. But, we both have decided to press on with our searches.
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  #3  
Old 01-26-2012, 01:26 PM
newguy newguy is offline
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Default I miss PK...

Ok...something that you didn't know...PK is away for her job and she left in last year...she is scheduled to get back in April...I'm going to visit her next month...

Now, all of our Poly talks came after she left...in fact, she left in October, I visited her in December (no talks) and she told me about her being Poly in January....over a text...think I'll go to the relationship corner and ask about that...anyway, I miss her a lot. Not just the awesome sex but the company all together.

I realized the other day that usually, after we argue, that we have GREAT make-up sex. PK says it just sex and maybe I think it great is because our horniness goes away during our arguments and come back strong when we stop. Whatever it is, it is GREAT SEX afterwards. Since she has been away, we have had some big arguments with no make-up sex...I WANT MY MAKE-UP SEX!!!

But I'll settle for having her lay on my arm and fall asleep watching TV with me...I miss you, love you, and need you PK!!!
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Old 01-26-2012, 07:08 PM
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SNeacail SNeacail is offline
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PK and I are both looking for girlfriends...She wants a relationship with a girl that's just like her (this is almost 'Mission Impossible') to start a relationship with that will last a while...I want somone just like her to have sex with (not quite 'Mission Impossible" cause I will settle).

PK has never been with a woman, in fact, she has only kissed one (no tongue) on the mouth. I think that she won't be satisfied with this relationship (if it happens as all) for very long. I'm happy that she is willing to try because of our boundaries (ok, MY boundary of no men) but until recently, when they lifted the band, the thought of her being with other women never crossed her mind. In fact, it was my 'boundary' that brought up this feeling because she feels she needs more than one relationship. Not sure how I feel about that yet.

Our search has us on different websites looking, we both are getting frustrated at all of the (how can I say it) 'not our type' women on these sites. But, we both have decided to press on with our searches.
It doesn't sound like she WANTS a relationship with a woman, but that's all that you will allow. So PK has to have relations ONLY with same sex partners, but it's OK for you to have relations with the opposite sex. Yeah, so I get to eat steak and any other meat I want, but you have to be vegetarian, because I'm the Alpha and declare it to be so. In all fairness, you should be looking for a boyfriend and stay away from other girls.

Some people have taken YEARS to get to a point where they are comfortable having their partner move past platonic stages in their outside relationships. Learn, read, discuss, ruminate and discuss some more then take things super SLOOOOW! Most importantly, make sure your relationship with PK is the best it can be BEFORE doing anything. Just my opinion.
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Old 01-26-2012, 08:27 PM
newguy newguy is offline
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It doesn't sound like she WANTS a relationship with a woman, but that's all that you will allow. So PK has to have relations ONLY with same sex partners, but it's OK for you to have relations with the opposite sex. Yeah, so I get to eat steak and any other meat I want, but you have to be vegetarian, because I'm the Alpha and declare it to be so. In all fairness, you should be looking for a boyfriend and stay away from other girls.

Some people have taken YEARS to get to a point where they are comfortable having their partner move past platonic stages in their outside relationships. Learn, read, discuss, ruminate and discuss some more then take things super SLOOOOW! Most importantly, make sure your relationship with PK is the best it can be BEFORE doing anything. Just my opinion.
WOW...Thanks for your opinion???...

Ok...a little about me, I have no idea how to 'sugar coat' things so here goes...

I'm not sure what to think about your post...at first, you say that I'm not shit because of how I feel and then you say give her what she wants...

Maybe there are some more things you should know....
1) I don't want another relationship with another woman...it's just sex I'm searching for (only because we are physically separated at this time) Now can PK also do this you may ask so let me say this...I offered her that exact opportunity (to have a break from us while we are separated and she could fuck who she wanted) and she turned it down
2) I never intended on have another woman (relationship or sex) while we are together...when PK offered to let me be with other women, I declined (again, only searching for a sex replacement until she gets back)
3) PK don't want to have just sex with a guy (I maybe could handle that) but she wants a relationship...I don't see that happening and this is known by her...I even told her that I'm not the man for her and tried to break off our engagement but neither of us wanted that...
4) Her being with another woman (relationship or just sex) don't bother me at all...and it is not because I want to join in...it's just the way MY mine works
5) I told PK that she could have a platonic relationship with however many men she want...she declined saying that it may not be fair to them if they wanted sex...I think it would be that they both may want sex

About our relationship is getting better now that she (sometimes) communicates with me as openly as I have ALWAYS communicated with her...that peice of advice I take to heart....the rest of you "opinion" sucks...but that's just my 'opinion'.

Last thing please don't take offense to my response, I know it may seem abrasive (because I really meant it that way), but when I get 'attack' for my beleives/feelings, I go straight into defensive mode...it must be the Alpha in me.

Newguy....
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Old 01-26-2012, 09:07 PM
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SNeacail SNeacail is offline
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I'm not sure what to think about your post...at first, you say that I'm not shit because of how I feel and then you say give her what she wants...
First off - your not shit because of how you feel, but neither is she for how she feels.

Second - I never said give her what she wants, but that doesn't mean the discussion has to be off the table.

I don't understand the sex is OK as long as there is no relationship thing. To me that screams of being used and tossed aside. I don't see this working the way either of you are approaching the whole situation. The way I read this is that you were kind of blind sided by the whole thing and you guys haven't spent a lot of time hashing out all the ramifications of what it all means or how it could all work (some couples take years to do this). What I have seen is that starting down this path tends to bring all the so called little issues with your current relationship to the surface and magnify them. There have been some absolutely catastrophic disasters that have been posted about here.

Personally, I think you guys need much more time discussing everything and reading about others experiences before doing anything new. Do some tag searches on foundations, lessons, & communication. I know there are others that would be good, but can't think of them.
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Old 01-26-2012, 09:09 PM
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SourGirl SourGirl is offline
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Last thing please don't take offense to my response, I know it may seem abrasive (because I really meant it that way), but when I get 'attack' for my beleives/feelings, I go straight into defensive mode...it must be the Alpha in me.

Newguy....
A tiny suggestion : If you want people to accept your blunt words, then accept other's blunt words. If they are posting, its because they are trying to help.
Set aside your alpha-big-dog theories, and just be a human being, looking to receive various outlooks. You'll learn more that way.
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  #8  
Old 01-27-2012, 07:34 PM
newguy newguy is offline
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Default Today's thoughts

JUST MY THOUGHTS

Boundaries....every poly relationship has boundaries. I have read a lot of stories, posts, and blogs on this site and others, were some poly relationship boundaries are broken by someone in the relationship.

My boundary...No longterm, intimate, sexual relationship with any man. Friendships are cool with anyone, dates cool, hanging out cool, but no sex. (men only)

Her boundaries:
1) No anal play with another woman at all (even if she wants it)
2) No hurting their feelings, if it's just sex she has to know
3) No fingers in strippers at the club
4) No sleeping with strippers
5) I (PK) want to meet the woman(s) that you have sex with

What PK really wants (for me) is that I have a steady girlfriend, that I will eventually fall in love with (even if she can't have another man).

My thoughts, I can't intimately and sexually love two (or more) women at the same time. My fear is if I give her what she want, then my love for her will deminish. I know (now) that there are folks that can do this...I am not one of them.

I don't want to have sex with other women...because I feel that it is unfair to PK. This is something that I told her a while ago before I ever knew about her Poly feelings. Now that I do know, and moved past the 'manipulation' feelings, I want sex with other women...I think that I (on some unknown level) feel the need to be with another to start the healing from the (pontetial) lose of PK.

I can't wait until she gets back from this deployment...I'll see her next month when I visit her but she won't be back until April.

THOUGHTS ENDED
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  #9  
Old 01-26-2012, 09:10 PM
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NovemberRain NovemberRain is offline
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I'm not sure what to think about your post...at first, you say that I'm not shit because of how I feel and then you say give her what she wants...
Gotta admit, I'm failing to see where she said you were 'shit'. ?


Quote:
Originally Posted by newguy View Post
....the rest of you "opinion" sucks...but that's just my 'opinion'.
You might want to evaluate your receptiveness to opinions. If you want to continue receiving opinions, and you did ask for them, you might want to note that you will receive many you don't like or agree with. Doesn't mean they weren't offered in the spirit in which you requested them. If everyone agreed with you off the top, you might as well not ask, right?
YMMV (and probably will)
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Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own...
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Me: female, bi, (formerly hinge of a vee)
with FirstBoyFriend (FBF)(moderately long-distance)
and no longer with CurrentBoyFriend (CBF)(who lives in the apartment building next door)
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  #10  
Old 01-26-2012, 11:08 PM
km34 km34 is offline
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PK can have long term, emotional relationships with whomever she wants (male or female) but the romantic sexual aspect of relationships is what I was refering too in this statement...sorry for confusion.
So she can have an emotional relationship with a man, but if she falls in love, she's in trouble? In other words, she'd be able to have a close friendship with a guy but if she ever has romantic thoughts, it would be crossing a line? That's what I'm understanding, please correct me if I'm wrong.

This clarification seemed to fit in with what is going on in this thread more so than the one it originated in (Text Message: "I'm Poly..." WTF?!?!?!").

Last edited by km34; 01-26-2012 at 11:12 PM. Reason: correction URL link
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