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  #1  
Old 01-19-2012, 04:39 AM
celyr celyr is offline
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Default questions about a polyamorus relationship

can it still be considered a polyamorus relationship if only one person is being polyamorus?

EDIT: I'm not saying that we both aren't into the idea... but what if it's just not possible for me to find anyone else that wants to be with me. I mean, I've looked and tried but... idk, this whole situation really upsets me and I just need someone to talk to...

Last edited by celyr; 01-19-2012 at 04:47 AM.
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Old 01-19-2012, 04:51 AM
celyr celyr is offline
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you know what, just nevermind. no one ever wants anything to do with me, not even my fiancée. maybe it's just me and I am a horrible person, like my mother always says. fml.
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Old 01-19-2012, 05:32 AM
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What! That bullshit. Its nothing to do with what your mother says! You can be as poly as the day is long and not date anyone. My PN hasn't dated in over a year and is. He's just taking a break. Don't get yourself down. It isn't becoming and if you want to attract a potential partner you've got to keep your chin up and your spirits high.

My mother has pulled that kind of shit on me in my childhood and I am refusing to believe her. She doesn't know who I am on the inside. I do and I am worthy of whatever I want to create in my life. You are too.
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Old 01-19-2012, 05:46 AM
celyr celyr is offline
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thank you for your comment... but my fiancee wont even look at me most days. idk what to do... and i've tried being confident about the situation but its really discouraging when no one wants to even talk to you.... and it wasn't always just my mom, it was almost everyone bringing me down... countless bullies, my family, strangers...
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Old 01-19-2012, 05:50 AM
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NovemberRain NovemberRain is offline
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What redpepper said, times a thousand. Please submit to your brain for consideration: It's more than possible that your mother is wrong. Being a mother (or an egg donor) does not convey god-like 'right' status. She's a human being, and sounds like a perfectly fallible one at that.

If your fiancee doesn't want anything to with you, why is he your fiancee? Keep reading here, there are as many ways to do poly as there are people (and probably more).
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Old 01-19-2012, 03:14 PM
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I'm confused. Your fiance doesn't look at you and you can't find anyone else? Could you say more about your story? I'm a bit lost as to what is going on.
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Old 01-19-2012, 03:49 PM
Icewraithonyx Icewraithonyx is offline
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Wife and I consider our relationship a polyamorous one, even though I ID as monogamous.
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Old 01-19-2012, 04:01 PM
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BlackUnicorn BlackUnicorn is offline
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(Thanks for merging the threads, mods!) Hmm, am I sensing here a "I/we don't want to break-up, but they/we don't really want to be together either, so maybe them having other partners will keep them from leaving me?" theme? Seriously, if your primary relationship is in trouble, introducing poly will only make matters worse.
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Old 01-21-2012, 03:23 AM
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Don't stay in this if you are mono, struggle with self worth and have a lot of past stuff to get through. Really. Mono/poly relationships are tricky to begin with for people with great self esteem. They can destroy people who don't. I seriously would be considering getting out and finding someone that is similar to me so as to work together on some of this stuff and NOT date others. Unless your partner is willing to work with you and not date or take on lovers for a VERY long time and until you have worked on yourself. Therapy sounds like a plan don't you think?
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Old 01-21-2012, 08:30 AM
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I love counselling / therapy. I firmly believe that there is no person on earth who can't benefit from regular, or at least occasional, therapy sessions.

There are definitely some issues here completely unrelated to poly or marriage or anything relationship-related.

You need to focus on yourself and find out what you need to make yourself happy. I'll get you started: it has nothing to do with any other person on the planet, not your mom or your fiance or the cute boy at the post office.

I think one thing that can help boost your self esteem is volunteering. I'm thinking something like Big Sisters, or visiting with old people in nursing homes. There are lots of people out there with the same kinds of issues you have, and helping them is a great way to help yourself. Plus, it gets you out of your mind for a while, lets you focus on something in-the-moment, and you're sure to get some gratitude that will make it even better.
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