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Old 01-12-2012, 07:23 PM
km34 km34 is offline
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Default "The Christian Marriage"

Not sure if this is really the correct place to post this since the topic at hand doesn't strictly have to do with polyamory, but it is about spirituality so I didn't know where else to put it!

I see a lot of people comment on having been in and taught the "Christian Marriage" and it being a major hurdle to their journey to poly. I was raised Southern Baptist. My grandpa was a pastor. I still consider myself a Christian, although in a different sense (the Christ-like sense, not the religious sense).

What I am curious about is why Christian husbands tend to get a bad reputation for being repressive and completely controlling. My family and the churches I have gone to have acknowledged that the husband is the head of the household and ultimate decision making is up to them and used various Biblical references to back it up and whatnot, BUT they have always also focused on passages such as I Peter 3:7 that tells husbands to treat their wives with understanding.

NONE of the devoutly Christian men I know would EVER do something to blatantly hurt their wives (i.e. expect them to completely stop being their own person after marriage, expect that a second wife would be acceptable without the first one agreeing, etc.). Am I just completely naive in thinking that the Bible as a whole teaches us to be loving and respectful of everyone regardless of gender, marital status, sexuality, or any other qualifier?
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Old 01-13-2012, 01:39 PM
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neegoola neegoola is offline
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Am I just completely naive in thinking that the Bible as a whole teaches us to be loving and respectful of everyone regardless of gender, marital status, sexuality, or any other qualifier?
darling, according to me the Bible is the most splatter masterpiece i have ever read.
and what's more, the patriarchical system of the last 5000 years overcharged literature (and brainwashings) with cruelty and subjection (of course on women) through many official books and myths.

obligado.
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Old 01-13-2012, 03:13 PM
OpenandCountry OpenandCountry is offline
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Just an opinion, but the bible itself has very little influence on the beliefs of many "Christians". They mostly just believe what is acceptable according to what their preacher/other people at church/their politician of choice says. In summary, religion, even the most peaceful, well-meaning religions, have been used by those in authority to brainwash people into following a paradigm they think would be useful to them. Giving the head of household power over the family was just a convenient interpretation.

That being said, the bible is a wonderful book, and, if people actually read it and interpretted it for themselves, Christianity would look a lot different. I'm glad that your church preaches love instead of hate.

What is the first rule? "Love God" (which, according to I Corinthians, God IS Love) what is the second rule? "Love thy neighbor".
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Old 01-13-2012, 05:30 PM
km34 km34 is offline
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Just an opinion, but the bible itself has very little influence on the beliefs of many "Christians".

I suppose this is the problem I have with organized religion and why I call myself a Christian now instead of a Baptist. lol I don't attend church anymore because I moved to a larger city for school, and all of the ones I've visited here DON'T preach love.


Neegoola - I understand that society was VERY different in Biblical times. I am not denying that there are terrible stories and situations in it and in general women were treated as property, but I don't feel like that is the moral of the story. Are you taking the Bible as a whole and calling it trash or are you looking at individual pieces and judging it by that?
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Old 01-13-2012, 05:32 PM
km34 km34 is offline
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What is the first rule? "Love God" (which, according to I Corinthians, God IS Love) what is the second rule? "Love thy neighbor".
*Like* by the way. Although i always struggle with the "Love thy neighbor" part... At least my direct neighbors always seem to be the irritating college boys or the extremely loud families with 20 people living there. Oh, well, at least it's a safe area!
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Old 01-16-2012, 05:56 PM
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Just an opinion, but the bible itself has very little influence on the beliefs of many "Christians".
That is true. I have a belief in God, not just a 'higher power', but I do not believe in the bible. At all. Even as a kid, I found most of it to be a crock o' crap.

I am Catholic...without guilt.
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Old 01-17-2012, 02:25 PM
RunicWolf RunicWolf is offline
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The part that frustrates me on "Christian Marriages", or most anything the hardcore right wing Christians preach, is that 98% of their arguments against homosexuality come from the Old Testament.

The particular part of the bible they call to also forbids the wearing of gold or silver jewelry, clothes made of two or more fabrics, and so on. It's got laws about how much you can sell your daughter for into slavery. It's a very blatant "We're going to take this part and use it as a weapon, while ignoring everything else around it" situation. Also, the Old Testament was intended to be used as a history book and a reference to the old laws everyone around the Christian church was using. Jesus himself said that through him a new Covenant with God was formed, meaning that the old, antiquated laws that where being followed because they where the only way to get into heaven where now obsolete.

Jesus himself never makes mention of homosexuality, if memory serves me right. You know what he does mention a lot? Love. He wanted his new followers to love, and accept one another no matter their backgrounds. Jews, Gentiles, Romans, all accepted for who they are. Is sleeping around with both genders a crime? Jesus forgave and hung around with a prostitute. I think that's a pretty clear indicator that Jesus is pretty forgiving of "sexual deviance" just so long as you believe and act in accordance with how he wanted us to live.
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Old 01-17-2012, 04:37 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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I find frustrating that 'Christian' and 'Christian marriage' have been appropriated by the radical, fundamentalist, evangelical right. (OP, I am not saying you are doing this!) It's to the point that liberal or moderate Christians are effectively erased from a public presence in the US. Christian marriage can look and feel and be different depending if the marriage is Catholic, liberal Episcopalian or Southern Baptist. There will be some commonalities of course but marriage in all of these Christian denominations has different approaches to the purpose of marriage, gender roles if any and so on.
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Old 01-19-2012, 02:30 PM
IsobelR IsobelR is offline
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Originally Posted by opalescent View Post
I find frustrating that 'Christian' and 'Christian marriage' have been appropriated by the radical, fundamentalist, evangelical right. (OP, I am not saying you are doing this!) It's to the point that liberal or moderate Christians are effectively erased from a public presence in the US. Christian marriage can look and feel and be different depending if the marriage is Catholic, liberal Episcopalian or Southern Baptist. There will be some commonalities of course but marriage in all of these Christian denominations has different approaches to the purpose of marriage, gender roles if any and so on.
THIS!

As with all religions texts, there are so many interpretations. As an historical text, much of the Bible just isn't relevant today. Wearing two different cloths? That would have been flaunting your wealth in a very un-Christlike way. Lying with a man as with a woman? In my mind, that's more about social standing of the time than actual intercourse. I could be wrong.
Mind you, I tend to take most of the Old Testament with a pinch of salt. It was written in the spirit of its time, with laws that mostly made sense then, but not now.

The way I have always tried to live out my religion is with 1 Corinthians 13. 'Love is gentle, love is kind' etcetc. Christ was all about love It's why, for my, my polyamory is intertwined with my faith. People (often other Christians) can tell me about the sanctity of marriage, the lies of evolution and how those who don't believe will burn in hell until they're blue in the face, but I won't believe it or agree with them.
In MY mind, God is forgiving, with infinite love for all of creation (or the world, if you so prefer). You don't have to believe in Her, be monogomous, have 6 wives (but only wives...) to have Her love, She gives it whether you want it or not, and whether or not you jump through the correct hoops.
Love God, love your neighbour, however hard that may be. Even if you don't believe in God, the second isn't a bad idea for your life

For the original question...I'm going to go back to the whole 'Bible as historical text' thing. In antiquity, the husband WAS the head of the household and could be expected to be deferred to in all things. Not so much anymore.
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Old 01-19-2012, 07:11 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by opalescent View Post
I find frustrating that 'Christian' and 'Christian marriage' have been appropriated by the radical, fundamentalist, evangelical right. (OP, I am not saying you are doing this!) It's to the point that liberal or moderate Christians are effectively erased from a public presence in the US. Christian marriage can look and feel and be different depending if the marriage is Catholic, liberal Episcopalian or Southern Baptist. There will be some commonalities of course but marriage in all of these Christian denominations has different approaches to the purpose of marriage, gender roles if any and so on.
The fundamentalist, evangelical right doesn't even see Catholics as true Christians. There is such a narrowmindedness to the current "denomination-less" sort of Protestant Christian movement where any random guy can start a church and get followers (and money) if he says the "right" thing.

I don't understand how people can let themselves be so brainwashed.
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