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Old 12-31-2011, 08:34 AM
trvlngypsy trvlngypsy is offline
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 12
Default Hi..


I found this group and thought I'd jump in and try to figure out a little more about who I am and where I'm at in my life.

So the basics first for intro's sake. I'm a homeschooling mom of 3 and have been married for almost 7 years and am perfectly happy with home life and my relationship with my hubby. We are a military family and moved to a new area 1.5 years ago. Getting involved in the local community has taken some time for me but just recently I've found a really awesome Pagan group and I feel very welcomed and fit right in.

I found this group after meeting a new friend, she introduced me to the group and we hit it off really well. She is poly and lives with her husband and her boyfriend and they've been in this relationship for a long time. It fascinated me, because my brother was poly, and besides him I haven't met anyone else. So I'm excited to know some one else. I told my husband that she was poly, because we talk about everything and he was accepting of it, but of course made a few jokes.

So let me back up some, sorry I know this is getting long, when I was pregnant with my second child my husband and I started talking about exploring swinging, but of course because I was pregnant we didn't really explore it just because we didn't want to add any extra stress or anything. But over the next few years we discussed maybe just bringing a third person, another guy, in bed with us because I'm interested in that a bit and after talking more swinging as a couple just isn't something my husband is interested in. After having my third child I've been pretty unhappy with my body and we never really talked about any of it again.

So fast forward to last Thanksgiving (2010). Every holiday meal I like to have hubby invite all the single guys from work for holiday dinners, mainly the guys who don't have anywhere to go or can't make it home. So last Thanksgiving my hubby brings home one guy he worked with, the guy was super quiet and I had to joke with him a lot and we sort of hit it off. He came back for christmas dinner; between the two meals I had talked to him a bit through facebook and we became friends. After the holidays I hung out with him some and we went out to eat a time or two and I thought I just really like him as a friend, I had been craving the male friendship because back before my husband (and my exhusband for that matter) I had a lot of male friends. It was nice to have this connection. Hubby even joked a bit about him being my boyfriend, but I always blew it off saying it was just nice to have a male friend again. But one night I dropped him off and we talked and then hugged and we were both carrying stuff so we had to switch sides how we normally hug and there was a split second where it almost became a kiss instead of a hug... but it didn't happen I just forced the hug and pulled away blushing and said good bye. I distanced my self from him for a long while, but always craved the attention from him when he'd come over to hang out with hubby or what not and we always hugged (I hug everyone, but hugs with him are always a second or two longer).

I've come to realize that I think I might love him, I always wonder how it would be to kiss him, how it would be to have a deeper relationship with him. We went to an Oktoberfest event as a big group and while there I saw him kiss a girl (he is single, it was just a random girl he met that night. nothing more happened other than that one kiss, I know because we were all staying at the same house), I was walking up to him when she grabbed him and kissed him, and I zeroed right in on his mouth and was very turned on... that's not normal for me when I witness other people kissing, but with him I wished I had been the one receiving that kiss.

So I don't know what to do, I have very strong feelings for him but no one knows. Meeting my friend who is poly has given me a bump in further understanding and realizing my feelings, but now I feel that my husband may feel that I'm just saying I think I might be poly and want to explore, it because my new friend is poly... even though I know he knows that I am not that type of person (to do things simply because others do). That is actually the biggest fear I have, but of course I wonder if he would feel offended by it because it's his friend/coworker and if he would feel like maybe I love him less because of my feelings.

I know I don't love him any less, I just want to expand on my relationship with our friend. But the other thing I'm scared of, is if hubby says it is ok, what if I try to bring up my feelings to my friend and he turns me down for what ever reason, I don't want to be heart broken. I know I'm not the typical women he looks for. I'm 7 years older than him as well....

Sorry for the LONG intro, but that is me and where I'm at in life today... lol
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Old 12-31-2011, 09:07 AM
ImaginaryIllusion's Avatar
ImaginaryIllusion ImaginaryIllusion is offline
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,011

Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.
--Dale Carnegie
Welcome to the Forum.
“People who say it cannot be done should not interrupt those who are doing it.” - Chinese Proverb

-Imaginary Illusion

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Old 12-31-2011, 09:17 AM
trvlngypsy trvlngypsy is offline
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 12

Good quote, I like it! I'm a sucker for good quotes, they always seem to make so much sense. Now if only I can gather up the courage...
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Old 12-31-2011, 10:10 AM
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Phy Phy is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Germany
Posts: 651


this courage-thing can be hard. I understand why you are scared of the consequences, but all I can say: don't take as long as it took me to finally sort your thoughts out. It has taken me more than 3 years Just talk about it with your husband, he seems to be quite likely to actually understand what you are talking about really quickly. My husband was able to wrap his mind around the whole business within weeks, I was really surprised by his speed.

This doesn't has to be the case but your husband has at least thought about a possible connection between the two of you if he calls this other man your 'boyfriend', even if it is just a joke. Was the exact same situation with my husband and me back then.

Therefore: wishing you some sort of conclusion to come your way and good luck ^.^
Facts: 30, female, bi, v-type relationship with Sward (husband, straight, mono) and Lin (boyfriend, straight, mono), poly-fi and co-primary.

My Blog
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Old 12-31-2011, 11:07 PM
trvlngypsy trvlngypsy is offline
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 12

Thank you for the kind words and the encouragement. I do hope that when I do talk to my husband about it, that he does understand and is supportive. It is nice to hear that you've been through a similar situation.
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Old 01-02-2012, 06:32 AM
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Castalia Castalia is offline
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Join Date: May 2011
Location: PDX
Posts: 177

If your husband is making jokes about him being your boyfriend he might ok with the idea.
My partner (Gamerboy) made similar comments about our friend (MadScientist). One night last year Gamerboy and I were very drunk and I finally gathered the courage to explain about polyamory and my feelings. He was more than ok with it, turned out he's poly too. In fact he was the one who pointed out I had feelings for MadScientist that I had previously been oblivious to.
There are a lot of wonderful resources here and elsewhere to check out and good luck with everything.
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