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Old 12-29-2011, 02:44 AM
siddhartha siddhartha is offline
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Default The clocks all stopped at 1:17...

A long shear of light and then a series of low concussions.

My new secondary, a woman I've known since my time in the Army and with whom I've recently fallen in love, has just informed me that she has herpes. We have never been physically intimate. It doesn't change how I feel, but it is something I will have to tell my wife. I feel numb, like a hollowed-out gourd.

I don't need advice. I don't need attention or sympathy. Reply or don't, I don't care, but I need to put it somewhere.

Why are you taking a bath? she asked.
I'm not.
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Last edited by siddhartha; 12-29-2011 at 02:53 AM.
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Old 12-29-2011, 04:47 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Herpes doesn't need to be so scary. Most people have it and don't even know it. There is good info in the later part of this thread on herpes (most of the thread addresses HPV):
http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1189

And another discussion on herpes (HSV) here:
Only 6 months for HSV-2
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  #3  
Old 12-29-2011, 05:40 AM
MichelleZed MichelleZed is offline
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I wouldn't give you sympathy even if you wanted it. You'llbe fine. Herpes isn't a big deal. Do some research on it and you'll feel a lot better.
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Old 12-29-2011, 06:07 AM
siddhartha siddhartha is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Herpes doesn't need to be so scary. Most people have it and don't even know it. There is good info in the later part of this thread on herpes (most of the thread addresses HPV):
http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1189

And another discussion on herpes (HSV) here:
Only 6 months for HSV-2
Quote:
Originally Posted by MichelleZed View Post
I wouldn't give you sympathy even if you wanted it. You'llbe fine. Herpes isn't a big deal. Do some research on it and you'll feel a lot better.
Thank you both. I've spoken with my wife and I feel a great deal better now. Assuming my second still knows how I feel about her, we should be okay. We'll see.
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Old 12-29-2011, 06:15 AM
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SourGirl SourGirl is offline
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Hate to break-up the acceptance party, but herpes can be a very big deal.

Even if it`s common, even if many people have it, you have to know facts before you can come to a decision where you feel empowered to make the right choice.

Educate yourself. Some people have very rare outbreaks, other people have brutal ones.

Choosing not to love somebody because of a disease would be a horrible thing, but proceeding wisely and informed, would be a great idea.

I am glad your wife has helped you feel better about it. Still, follow nycindie`s link, and talk to a qualified doctor. Find out the full deal on the types of outbreaks she has, and what type of herpes.

I think it is a great start that your secondary made sure to tell you beforehand. trust is built and destroyed on the level of honesty one receives,..even when it`s hard.

Good luck.
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Old 12-29-2011, 04:04 PM
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RfromRMC RfromRMC is offline
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From what I understand, if she takes a full dose of Valtrex daily and you avoid contact if/when there is an outbreak, the chances of getting it in return are minimal.
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