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Old 12-26-2009, 01:13 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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OK,
so several people said they were interested in having a BDSM thread. I've been offline most of the last two weeks-but noticed it hasn't been started (at least not anywhere I can find it!) so I'm starting one.

I haven't much of an idea what to say... but thought (hoped) that if I start it some other more knowledgable posters will pipe in and fill in the BIG HUGE GAPS.

For myself-it's a very limited situation-and limited experience. I came out poly in late Sept. '09. Shortly there-after came out to my husband (and bf) that I desire to be a sub to their Dom.

We've basically agreed to work on the details of making our V relationship smoothly work before we move forward with BDSM activities/plans. So we have been working on our V details and talking off hand about the other. Mostly collecting info on interests, dis-interests etc as we go along. But no other significant steps taken.

Would LOVE to hear from all of you with experience and willingness to share about your thoughts, ideas, experiences, concerns, feelings, dreams, wishes, hopes, worries, frustrations etc on the topic.
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Last edited by River; 12-29-2009 at 12:38 AM. Reason: title edited to all-caps by request
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Old 12-28-2009, 07:27 AM
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We have and up coming event where by my tersiary is bringing his new lady. My friends that I usually go with have found a whole new realm of kinky peeps to hang with and I am concerned that we will not have anyone to play with or hang out with. I am concerned that I will be jealous of my tersiary's love.... I don't know either if he is interested in her seeing him being dominated by me. What will she think, what will he think?

It looks like just me and Mono are going as my husband isn't interested right now. I am rather limited in who I am able to play with so I don't know how it will go. It will be a dress up event and I am definitely looking forward to dressing up! But I am nervous about possibly approaching new people to ask if I can play with them... I don't want to concern Mono and I don't feel very confident in my skills. There will be a lot of very skilled men there, not so many women, although one in particular is... geesh, nervous.

another thing: why is it that doms have to buy all the shit that goes along with this lifestyle? I can't afford the tools I want to use. I would love to try different peoples stuff to see what I would like to purchase to add to my collection, but it seems that is not appropriate. thoughts?

I also concerned that I will not be respected as a person that does not sub anymore too. We shall see how that goes too.
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Old 12-28-2009, 08:24 AM
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I'm another one with interest but limited experience...

I was introduced to BDSM originally through a friend that I had some amazing bedroom chemistry with but situational stuff got in the way of us ever really making it into anything other than occasional conversations about kink from time to time.

I feel like I'm struggling with a lot of newbie intimidation when it comes to BDSM related things... I'm one of those who loves to research what I'm interested in online and discuss it, and I feel like at this point I'm only interested in a very narrow sliver of what BDSM encompasses.... and I feel like much of the information I run across intimidates me rather than is helpful.
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Old 12-28-2009, 07:32 PM
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I seem to have a more gentle touch than some of the others I see at events. I guess I feel I can't compete with some of the men that know how to wheel a bull whip better than I can. I like to do more talking to demand obedience. If you choose to disobey then this is what I will do kind of thing. I would love to push that to my and my subs limits sometime, but it would take the right kind of person and the right time in our lives.
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Old 12-28-2009, 09:03 PM
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I wouldn't see having a more gentle tough to necessarily be a bad thing, redpepper. I'm sure there are plenty of people out there looking for just that.

I know that personally, I'm much more into the verbal and psychological aspects of BDSM than anything else... I like pain, restraint, etc. but my threshold for such things isn't very high. I know in a group setting, I'd gravitate toward people who were more gentle.
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Old 12-28-2009, 11:51 PM
dakid dakid is offline
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redpepper i have been to a few bdsm parties and i understand the nervousness you express very well. however i'd like to share some stuff i have learnt over the years. firstly, some of the hottest scenes i have been part of have involved very little in the way of equipment. others have included home-made equipment, or stuff that wasn't sold as bdsm equipment but that we have "subverted" for our pleasure. think wooden spoons from the kitchen, sellotape, wax, etc. for ideas about making your own toys i would highly recommend this book : "21st century kinky crafts book" edited by Janet W Hardy. my favourite whip these days is one a friend made for me out of a broom handle and an old bicycle inner tube. on a similar note, one of my most "successful" outfits ever was made from duct tape and a black bin bag ...
i also have to say that the macho behaviour of a minority of bdsm folk who get off on being the "hardest" is a major turn-off for me and many others. having a gentle touch can be fabulous, as can gradually building up the pressure as you get to know your playmates limits and boundaries.
i am sure you know this but it seems worth a reminder - bdsm like any kind of sexual encounter is not a competition, its about pleasing yourself and your playmate(s), nothing more and nothing less.
x

Last edited by dakid; 03-15-2010 at 09:44 PM.
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Old 02-14-2010, 10:07 PM
saudade saudade is offline
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Question BDSM fits in strangely

Since I've just joined and don't know y'all well yet, I'm responding more to LovingRadiance's initial call for "thoughts, ideas, experiences, concerns, feelings, dreams, wishes, hopes, worries, frustrations etc on the topic", rather than replying specifically to everyone else's experiences (though it sounds like many of you are having awesome experiences that I'd love to hear more about!).

I live with my two partners, K and Z, and our relationship could be explained as a V formation. Z and I are both submissive, and K's vanilla but enjoys pleasing me. We're not exactly sure how it all works or how to satisfy each other, but we're figuring it out.

Z and I seem to be lifestyle submissives, but in completely different ways. His submission manifests as wanting to take care of someone, and mine manifests as wanting to be taken care of. He wears the apron, and I never set foot in the kitchen, and we both wind up feeling loved. In the bedroom, we each occasionally play the aggressor, boss each other around, etc., but we both prefer being the collared and scratched up one at the end of the day. I suspect we'd both enjoy more hardcore BDSM play, but we haven't found doms we'd want to claim us yet, and we're content to wait for them.

I'd love to hear more about how other people fit BDSM into their web of polylove, or don't.
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Old 02-14-2010, 11:08 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Saudade,
Welcome!
It's nice to hear another perspective!!!

Hope to get to know you better!

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Old 05-06-2010, 09:28 PM
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I found this on a kink site in a poly group. Just wanted to see what everyone thought about it. This was posted by a female.
"Do you think that OPP, unicorn hunting, closed triads, relationships with endless rules, and other such phenomena are signs of healthy relationships or a combination of male insecurity and misogyny? " I figured it was a interesting view point.(I do not agree since my wife has made most of the rules in our poly relationship.)
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Old 05-06-2010, 09:54 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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hehe..I am actually taking part in the initial discussion that spurred the one you are referencing. Very interesting and odd read ...

Do I agree that happens - hells yes...do I think it happens with all of them - hells no. By saying it does, that posted is removing a lot of power from the women who enjoy being in a triad/D/s/bdsm family. The choice to be a sub contains more power than the dom...it always will.

You have accidently removed some context from another thread where a woman is asking about finding herself a partner for her and her hubby. That series of posts is quite long. It content is also D/s eccentric which throws a whole other loop into the conversation.

I 100% understand where the op in that thread is coming from, however she is mistakenly insulting a lot of women, especially on a site like that, for giving up control of their rights and believing they are NOT choosing to be that way.

I find the original thread kind of ironic considering more than enough people are involved in the master/slave dynamic and can be 24/7...but she doesn't have a problem with that...

Last edited by Ariakas; 05-07-2010 at 12:49 AM.
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