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Old 04-26-2009, 05:32 AM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Default Just saying hi

I just entered a polyamourous relationship in January with Redpepper. I am monogamous, she is polyamorous and is happily married to a great guy. We are all close and the relationship is amazing! My intention is only to share thoughts from my perspective on this forum. I will refrain from commenting on things I have not experienced..at least I will try..I have a problem with taking on the pain of others so I need to withdrawal at times to process. Please don't feel disrespected if I seem to be ignoring a response or comment! Share and enjoy!

Last edited by MonoVCPHG; 05-04-2009 at 03:26 AM.
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Old 04-26-2009, 02:22 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
I am monogomous, she is polyamorous
A very common definition of polyamory is the one provided by Wikipedia:
"Polyamory (from Greek πολύ [poly, meaning many or several] and Latin amor [literally “love”]) is the desire, practice, or acceptance of having more than one loving, intimate relationship at a time with the full knowledge and consent of everyone involved."
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyamory

Since you are clearly accepting of the polyamory of your partner, by this definition you are poly. Definitions do vary, however.

[More definitions: http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q...PB_en&aq=f&oq= ]

Do you call yourself monogamous because you don't believe you could have two lovers at the same time?

I call myself poly because I am open to having additional lovers. And my partner of 12 years is poly for the same reason. We have a poly ethos, as it may be called, between us. http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/ethos

But while we're both of the poly ethos, neither of us has an additional lover, so we're otherwise a garden variety couple at the moment.
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Old 04-26-2009, 02:46 PM
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Thanks for the comment, JRiverMartin. I don't see how your definition of poly applies to me. I understand it and appreciate it, which enables me to embrace this relationship, but it is definitely a mono/poly relationship, which are well documented.

Simply put I cannot have two lovers at the same time. My wiring doesn't work that way LOL! I can't even share sexual activities on a playful level with another when I am intimately connected to someone. Trust me, I thought I could love/lust lots of women at the same time when I was married! I was married for sixteen good years but there were incidents. I was not intimately connected with my wife during these times and in fact for several years.

Maybe in the future my fundamental nature of monogamy will change and there is definitely times I wish I was polyamorous in the classical sense..or even just more open or casual sexually. Not because I want other women, but because it would make my own understanding and security greater and maybe dilute my worry about losing her. I enjoy being monogamously intimate and in love with my partner. I also enjoy being a little different and the confusion this sometimes causes to both my monogamous and polyamorous friends. I love how our relationship as a "v" has grow and done so in such a natural way. We are all very happy and the depth and communication is incredible.

I do understand the difficulties in understanding the differences in our intimate natures but I do not engage in debates to justify either. I know this works because it does. I am experiencing it.

If it weren’t for my girlfriend’s polyamorous nature I never would have been accepted into her life and experienced this level of connection. That would be incredibly sad.
Thanks again!

Last edited by MonoVCPHG; 04-26-2009 at 02:52 PM.
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Old 04-26-2009, 03:34 PM
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Just to clarify. I definitely know I am in a polyamorous relationship, not a monagomous one Wouldn't want that to be misunderstood LOL!
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Old 04-26-2009, 04:49 PM
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I was listening to an Andrew Bird album when I read your last reply. Then it occurred to me that Andrew has a song by the title of "Nomenclature".

Bird's song:
http://www.6lyrics.com/music/andrew_...enclature.aspx

dictionary definition of nomenclature: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/nomenclature

Perhaps the term "polyamory" is yet too new to have come to have a common nomenclature?

In any case, I'm all for allowing people the freedom to define themselves. However, I'm also well aware of the difficulties in commuincation which may arise with everyone using their own private nomenclature.

Just in my own case, if I were not interested in having several lovers myself but had a lover who had yet another lover, I'd call myself polyamorous. Why? I suppose it has to do with solidarity with the poly movement. And, yes, there is a polyamory movement -- though not all polyamorous people are a part of that movement. (I am!) The movement's purpose is to educate the broad public about the polyamory option as a viable, morally neutral alternative to monogamy.

Those who doubt these dual root premises of the polyamory movement, and who are actively at cross-purposes, tend to be monogamists . It is one thing to practice monogamy and another to be a monogamist, with the latter being a person who subscribes to an -ism of the same sort as racism, sexism, ageism, heterosexism.... That is, they believe that they alone are good and right and acceptable..., and that children need to be "educated" in this "correct / proper / appropriate" way. It is an education in shame and in contempt, or even (sometimes) hate. And I find that sort of "education" immoral, improper, and wrong.

I'm proud to be a part of the polyamory movement.

Last edited by River; 04-26-2009 at 04:53 PM.
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Old 04-26-2009, 08:00 PM
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This fascinates me - the world of nomenclature and how the same words can mean different things to different people. I think if I were basically a one-lover-at-a-time person, but happily with (or happy to be with) someone who was polyamorous, I'd feel more comfortable calling myself 'monogamous but poly-friendly' than polyamorous.

I suppose it all comes down to whether - for you - being polyamorous means having/wanting more than one lover, or being in/wanting to be in a polyamorous relationship.
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