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Old 12-01-2011, 01:41 AM
IsntLifeFun IsntLifeFun is offline
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Not quite sure how to go about this... There's me, Lynn, and Steve in a V. Lynn's the hinge & married to Steve. Steve would like to find a girlfriend, and that is open to the possibility of joining the three of us for the occasional group sex.
Any advice or tips on how not to freak out people when dating? Should he wear his wedding ring or take it off? Should he say that he is married but his wife has a boyfriend and is ok with him dating? I'm sure you understand.
Thanks
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Old 12-01-2011, 02:05 AM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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I'd say he should worry about meeting new potential partners and finding a spark with one before he worries much about the rest. It's only when a potential partner is actually showing interest that any of it matters.

Then it's time to point out that he's polyamorous. It doesn't seem to really matter whether he mentions that he's married or poly first, as long as he's honest about his interest and honest about his situation rather early in interactions. Not that he should dump that on somebody before they're even convinced that they're interested in getting to know him better; it's a balancing act to avoid scaring somebody off prior to them getting strongly interested and leading them on for a length of time without fully informing them.
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Old 12-01-2011, 02:09 AM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Agreed with AT. Also wanna say I'd be creeped out if I felt like sex with his other partners was a requirement of dating him. It's fine to want it, but if it's a condition that's a little weird.
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Old 12-01-2011, 12:05 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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To find a gf who is into the idea of sex with 3 relative strangers... find one who has had group sex experience already, and is open minded/kinky in general. There is absolutely no guarantee she will be attracted to everyone in your V, however. All the stars have to be aligned and conditions just right. Group sex where one or more of the participants feels the least bit pressured or coerced is a recipe for disaster down the road.

Steve should plan to date her a good while, just for her and for "love," before expecting anything more in the sex department. Having an ulterior motive is kinda icky, imo. Sometimes metamours don't even meet for months, much less hop in the sack with them!
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Old 12-01-2011, 01:11 PM
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vanille vanille is offline
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I don't like the idea of wedding rings. I don't wear mine anymore. I feel like it's a sign of ownership. I know many will disagree and will say it's a sign of their love. But I feel like people who wear it are instantly judged by potential suitors and may not get the chance to explain.

I'm a woman and very concerned about the intentions (especially the historical) of marriage and ownership.
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Old 12-01-2011, 01:43 PM
IsntLifeFun IsntLifeFun is offline
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Thank you for your input. I realized I put some emphasis on the sex part of it- I misrepresented that aspect. Sex is not necessary as a part of our relationship -at all. If he finds someone that he clicks with, and hopefully all of us click with, then so much the better. If she is or isn't interested in sex with some or all of us, doesn't really matter, but I wouldn't want someone to be scared off by knowing what's going on and it's possibilities.
Of course we're all for honesty, but you know that being too honest too fast can be a bad thing. We're still learning how to tiptoe.
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