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Old 11-20-2011, 06:58 AM
jcdlove jcdlove is offline
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Default New to Trinogamy

Hello,
I am a gay male who has been with my husband for almost 10 years and have been married for 3 years legally. We have four beautiful children. Both my husband and I have a strong relationship with each other for the most part. We live for our kids. Keeping the story short, we met a beautiful younger man who we were attracted to. Nothing happened until we met him a month later. We hired him to work for our company but at the same time we have developed a relationship that is evolving emotionally each day. I never that that I could love two people at the same time nor did I ever that I would be in a trinogamous relationship. I can't say that it is based on sex...sex is great and this relationship allowed my husband and I to revive our sex life. But it is the intimacy and the emotional bond that we are all developing. It's amazing but there definitely are some growing pains. We are all going to "trouples" therapy which has been helpful...we are serious about making this work. We are all living together.

I do need some advice...I am by nature a jealous person...my fear is being left out...my husband also admitted to that too. We do a lot of talking...acknowledging each others feelings....we always consider the other person's feelings. I would love to know how people deal with the jealousy aspect of this relationship?

This is an amazing experience though..
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  #2  
Old 11-21-2011, 06:01 PM
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ImaginaryIllusion ImaginaryIllusion is offline
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Welcome to the Forum.
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Old 11-21-2011, 08:36 PM
samhain31069 samhain31069 is offline
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I am probably unique in that I have ever had to deal with jealousy. I have been practicing REBT/Cognitive therapy techniques for so long that I've changed how I view things like this in my life. I'd say this - You feel the way you think. If those thoughts are negative (What if he leaves me? Is he better than I am? Will he love him more than me?) then you are obviously going to have an acute emotional reaction to those things.

Try and remember why you and your hubby are together and change these negative thoughts into positive reinforcing ones (Isn't it great how this as invigorated our sex life? Wow I can obviously love two people so must my husband and boyfriend! My Husband sure loves me to be able to share our marriage with another person so intimately).

Hope that gave insight.
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Old 11-22-2011, 12:47 AM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Great resources on dealing with jealousy here: www.morethantwo.com.

Just keep talking and listening and you'll be ok.
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Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.
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Old 11-26-2011, 04:19 PM
jcdlove jcdlove is offline
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Thank you for the great advice. I definitely need to focus on the positive aspects of our relationship. We are on a wonderful RV trip together and I am cherishing every moment of it.

The only time i cause any drama is when I feel that our boyfriend gives my husband more attention. I see the difference in how he acts with my husband. I know my husband and I are two different people and our boyfriend is going to respond differently to the both of us... I sound like I am in grade school.

Last night our boyfriend and I went for a walk to chat and for the first time I really felt his love as we talked. I truly felt a true connection. During this time I was feeling bad because my husband wasn't there and I kept thinking about how I didn't want him to feel left out like I feel often. It was nice.
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Old 11-26-2011, 04:45 PM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Just a quick word of advice. It's very important, as you've alluded, to understand that you're all different people and the relationships between you will be different and that's ok. They will develop in different rates at different times, and one-on-one time for any two of the three does not mean that the third person is being left out, but is rather a crucial part of building intimacy. I mean, imagine if you and your husband had never had any couple time just the two of you to develop your relationship?

If you insist, directly or indirectly, that your bf treat you and your husband exactly the same, you'll put a lot of undue pressure on him and everyone. Just let it be what it is.

I know I already linked this site, but let me recommend this essay in particular, more for your bf but also for you and the hubs: http://www.morethantwo.com/coupledating.html
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Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.
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Old 05-11-2013, 10:15 PM
tjaychase tjaychase is offline
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Default Dealing with Jealosy

The most important thing to keep in mind is communication. If both of you are concerned with it, you need to talk to the third and come to terms with this demon so as to avoid it creating future problems.

Quote:
Originally Posted by jcdlove View Post
Hello,
I am a gay male who has been with my husband for almost 10 years and have been married for 3 years legally. We have four beautiful children. Both my husband and I have a strong relationship with each other for the most part. We live for our kids. Keeping the story short, we met a beautiful younger man who we were attracted to. Nothing happened until we met him a month later. We hired him to work for our company but at the same time we have developed a relationship that is evolving emotionally each day. I never that that I could love two people at the same time nor did I ever that I would be in a trinogamous relationship. I can't say that it is based on sex...sex is great and this relationship allowed my husband and I to revive our sex life. But it is the intimacy and the emotional bond that we are all developing. It's amazing but there definitely are some growing pains. We are all going to "trouples" therapy which has been helpful...we are serious about making this work. We are all living together.

I do need some advice...I am by nature a jealous person...my fear is being left out...my husband also admitted to that too. We do a lot of talking...acknowledging each others feelings....we always consider the other person's feelings. I would love to know how people deal with the jealousy aspect of this relationship?

This is an amazing experience though..
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