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Old 11-17-2011, 04:13 PM
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Default poly events in your area

What kind of poly events, or responsibly non-monogamous events do you attend locally if any? What kind of events would you attend or would you organize? Why do you go to poly events what keeps you from going to them?
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Old 11-17-2011, 05:29 PM
zylya zylya is offline
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None, and I don't see myself ever going either - I don't see the attraction of meeting with other people who have a similar relationship status to me, the only reason I'd consider going is to find other poly people to date (without all the explanations that come with someone who doesn't know of poly), which is pretty frowned upon, at least as I understand it (not to say that dating is frowned upon, merely turning up JUST to look for dates is).

It's like, polyamory isn't an INTEREST of mine (although my forum posts might suggest otherwise!), it's just the way I am. Like, I'd go to a rugby game, or a wrestling show, or a film, or a music festival, or a gym because I'm interested in the activities. But at a poly meeting, we either talk about poly relationships (which, for me, are much better when LIVED) or we just talk generally, but just because someone is poly, it wouldn't mean that I would like them, or even be able to stand their presence. Like I'm sure there's some great people in the poly community, but just because we're both poly it doesn't mean we have anything else in common.
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Old 11-17-2011, 05:43 PM
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There aren't any where I live, but that's because it's a small town. We're moving to a big city next year and I know there are some poly activities there. I'm quite sure I'll want to go to some of them. I would love to get to know some poly people and talk to them in real life. I wouldn't want to go to an event where sex is present too much. Getting to know people, maybe listening to lectures and discussions, that's what I'd like to do.
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Last edited by Mya; 11-17-2011 at 08:22 PM.
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Old 11-17-2011, 07:51 PM
Eponine Eponine is offline
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There aren't any poly events around my town either. If there were, I'd like to attend because I'm new to poly and want to learn more about other people's experiences.

Quote:
Originally Posted by zylya View Post
It's like, polyamory isn't an INTEREST of mine (although my forum posts might suggest otherwise!), it's just the way I am. Like, I'd go to a rugby game, or a wrestling show, or a film, or a music festival, or a gym because I'm interested in the activities. But at a poly meeting, we either talk about poly relationships (which, for me, are much better when LIVED) or we just talk generally, but just because someone is poly, it wouldn't mean that I would like them, or even be able to stand their presence. Like I'm sure there's some great people in the poly community, but just because we're both poly it doesn't mean we have anything else in common.
I totally agree with this. Being poly is like being Asian or being taller than 6'. It doesn't mean anything else in common. So, if I didn't need to talk about poly relationships, I wouldn't go to a poly event.
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Old 11-17-2011, 11:05 PM
Lizzish Lizzish is offline
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Philadelphia has a few poly meetup events and a lot of poly-folk running around in the party/edm scene. It's at the point where going out on a weekend means running into the same faces, and a lot of people in open relationships are close friends and spend a lot of time in very loving friendships with each other. (probaby a circle of 15-25 people that are all dating or not-dating or involved in some way with each other.) It's definitely less heteronormative and less sex-focused than the swinger scene. I've had a small problem finding proper kinksters, though. I wonder where they're hiding?
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Old 11-18-2011, 01:30 AM
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I've been really happy with my local poly community in B'more. The people who help lead it have done a good job of welcoming anyone who may have an interest in ethical non-monogamy - swingers, pagans, kinksters - while acknowledging that those communities often overlap but are not the same as poly. As a result, there are events that range from kinky play parties to more 'vanilla' sex parties to discussion groups and movie nights. So I generally know what I'm getting myself into when I go to an event and can decide if that is for me. Here, it is ok to be looking for people to date at events, if one is tactful, understand 'no means no' and don't expect everyone else to be looking for dates. There is quite a bit of cross pollination with poly folks in and around DC too.

And, yes, sometimes I don't have anything in common with the other poly folks I meet at events. That's life. I often don't have much in common with other kinky folks or people who like history or dogs or tea. But we can chat like heck about those particular topics. And for me that is enough.

Last edited by opalescent; 11-18-2011 at 01:31 AM. Reason: clarity
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Old 11-18-2011, 04:24 AM
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There weren't any poly events in my city. So I started them! There's a provincial Polyamory group on yahoo, I had been on that for a while and was seeing the events in the other city in the province. Finally I got to the point where I wanted the same fun. So I posted a request asking who would be interested in coming if I organized it. Got a couple responses, so I picked a date. Fortunately, one of the other group members is in several "circles" and invited everyone she could think of. Success!

We've picked a date for monthly meetings, we'll see how they go.

Oh, the "type" of event is basically coffee. Informal. We're open to anyone who's poly-curious, poly-supportive, or just plain poly.
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Old 11-18-2011, 07:12 PM
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I am finding poly groups in NYC to be too much enmeshed with the BDSM crowd, and so the get-togethers are full of kinksters. I find myself wishing they would promote the group in more mainstream, straight circles, so that poly isn't still such a fringe community here. I do want to meet other people, and possibly for dating, but I don't need that overtly sexual focus. I don't want to meet people for whom kinky sex is so freaking important that it's how they present themselves to the world, to the exclusion of other traits. I'd rather develop camaraderie with someone over other things.

I like what Zyla said, though, too. Like why should having multiple partners be the thing that connects people, rather than other interests? And maybe that's why the poly groups are overrun by kinky folk here. I might go to the holiday party and check out a discussion if it's on something other than sex, but I may just stop going to the poly events here after that.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lizzish View Post
Philadelphia has ... a lot of poly-folk running around in the party/edm scene.
What is EDM?
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Last edited by nycindie; 11-18-2011 at 07:14 PM.
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Old 11-19-2011, 02:33 AM
SlugQueen SlugQueen is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lizzish View Post
Philadelphia has a few poly meetup events and a lot of poly-folk running around in the party/edm scene. It's at the point where going out on a weekend means running into the same faces, and a lot of people in open relationships are close friends and spend a lot of time in very loving friendships with each other. (probaby a circle of 15-25 people that are all dating or not-dating or involved in some way with each other.) It's definitely less heteronormative and less sex-focused than the swinger scene. I've had a small problem finding proper kinksters, though. I wonder where they're hiding?
Philly's poly community has been this way since the mid 90's. I went to a meetup once but it was not for me. I should try another but being a Mom to two special needs kids who works nights hampers this. would love to go to the karaoke at tabu....
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Old 11-21-2011, 06:46 AM
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I go to poly events because I like to be in an environment where I am completely myself and understood in terms of my relationship dynamic. I enjoy diversity and all it brings at poly events. I love seeing who is there, who is new and learning about people who are not like me in other ways.

I create a lot of events for my city and when I do I base them around what I want to do with people. Sometimes because someone has asked for an event to occur. I have found throughout my life that I have to make what I want happen.

Our family events are not about poly talk but about creating community by being together and bringing our kids together. It creates normalcy for them and helps them build their own community. There are enough events where open discussion occurs. People monitor themselves when kids are around and take their discussion and open sexuality to other events. There is room for all kinds of events because there is all kinds of poly.

Any one want to be a calendar admin on the calendar site linked below in my sig? Mono and I are looking for more poly people who create events to join. If you host events that you want people to find out about publicly without having your name attached publicly, then please message me.
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Last edited by redpepper; 11-21-2011 at 07:47 AM.
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