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  #1  
Old 11-14-2011, 08:57 PM
BaconWrappedCupcakes BaconWrappedCupcakes is offline
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Default Safe Sex question

I recently found out that my BF has not been using condoms with his other GF, and they haven't for sometime long before he met me.

I had asked him on a few occasions if he used them all the time and he said yes.
Obviously he lied to me.

We are now at an impass. I am struggling with the idea of ever being intimate with him again. I asked him to use condoms with her and he refuses saying he won't bring it up because she would be hurt.

He has taken the stance of I amd the Dom and you are the sub and you will fall in line she is just a vanilla girl and I can't control her.

I'm so hurt and depressed. I feel humiliated and used.

Any advice you have would be greatly appreciated.
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  #2  
Old 11-14-2011, 10:38 PM
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Derbylicious Derbylicious is offline
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This is your health that we're talking about! Although you can't control what he does with anyone else you have the right to say that unless he wears a condom with her that he won't be having sex with you. This is one of those things that you really shouldn't give up control on. I would also go and get tested ASAP to make sure he hasn't passed anything on to you.
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Old 11-14-2011, 10:42 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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I would think a Dom would be more concerned for taking care of you, not less. But whether he is your Dom or not is irrelevant. He has completely and utterly disrespected you, lied to you, and risked your health in an unforgivably cavalier fashion. If I were you, my relationship with him would be over. Get tested immediately. End of story.
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Old 11-15-2011, 03:23 AM
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He sounds kind of childish. Fluid bonding is serious stuff and your health and safety even more so. If his other partner would be to hurt to consider safe sex? Well, then, she doesn't sound too mature. Having adult conversations about safe sex has nothing to do with being her Dom or not. He can't make her use protection but he should be smart enough to refuse to have sex with out making sure its safe for him and you first. Not only did he risk your health but he also lied about it. I'd have a hard time trusting him too. I'm not sure I'd be able to trust some one after something like that. I would definitely reconsider his position in your life.
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Old 11-15-2011, 03:30 AM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Break. Up. With. Him. Someone who's so shockingly ignorant of what a loving dom/sub relationship should look like that he would say "your health and comfort in this situation don't matter because you're the sub" is someone who should NEVER EVER EVER be in a position of power over someone else. Untrustworthy, gross, lying, manipulative, immature bastard. Not that this would be remotely okay if you two were vanilla -- I'd still call him names and advise breaking up with him asap -- but it makes me all the more upset because I wish people like him would stop giving D/s a bad name.
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Old 11-15-2011, 05:54 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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D/s arguments only count when both partners are consenting.

You did not consent to this.

If he lied about that, you can bet he's lying about other things too.

For the record, if he were to suddenly "agree" to use condoms with her, I wouldn't believe him. He's clearly willing to lie and say whatever you want to hear.

Taking risks with your health is flat-out abusive.
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Last edited by SchrodingersCat; 11-15-2011 at 05:58 AM.
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