Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner


Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 12-10-2009, 08:48 AM
BloodGamers's Avatar
BloodGamers BloodGamers is offline
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 35
Default poly and military

So I was wondering if anyone could give me any deatails how to make the two work out.
I already am not going to even mention it to anybody, but just what would happen if I was caught....
Reply With Quote
Old 12-10-2009, 08:56 AM
DrunkenPorcupine's Avatar
DrunkenPorcupine DrunkenPorcupine is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 175

In my experience, the military has been quote hostile to anything that defies norm.

Not a place I'd prefer to be as a critical thinker.
Reply With Quote
Old 12-10-2009, 09:22 AM
BloodGamers's Avatar
BloodGamers BloodGamers is offline
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 35

Eh, but they are easing up to out of norm groups just like Obama wants to remove the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" rule and allow gays and lesbians to join freely into the military.
Reply With Quote
Old 12-10-2009, 02:38 PM
Quath Quath is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 504

I am not in the military, but I do have a security clearance. I worried that being poly may jepordize that. So I did some research. I found a document that talked about open marriages and homosexuality with regards to security clearance. The basic worry is that someone can be blackmailed. So if you are out (which is not easy in the military), you are not a blackmail risk. One senario was a gay man married so he looks straight. He is a target for blackmail. But a bisexual looking for sex with men while his wife knows is not a target for blackmail.

Sorry, but that is the only angle I can speak to since I don't know much else about the military and polyamory.
Reply With Quote
Old 12-10-2009, 03:21 PM
redpepper's Avatar
redpepper redpepper is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,723

Hey! I am so glad you started this thread. It is a topic I was going to spend some time thinking about and possibly writing a thread on myself, as I have some friends who are in the military and identify as poly or are in a poly relationship.

I look forward to hearing what is said.

I am in Canada, there is a FAR different take on it as a threat I am lead to believe. It's more opinions and judgment from peers that is the issue.

I can totally see it working out for the family member left at home. As for the actual person in the military? That would be another story and one I can't answer too either.... just interested all around.
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM
My blog

Last edited by redpepper; 12-10-2009 at 07:43 PM.
Reply With Quote
Old 12-10-2009, 04:03 PM
MonoVCPHG's Avatar
MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: In Redpepper's heart
Posts: 4,742

I've got 20 years in the military spending months away from home. I was married before beginning deployments and was still happily married at the end of my deployment years. What happened after that was not deployment related but a product of my own weakness in connecting with myself.

There is enough pressure in going away from home for half a year. It'll be hard for people not in the military to relate or even guess at what it would be like.
I think the one way it could work is if you had an established functioning relationship built long before deployments so everyone was very settled. So essentially the relationship would be support for the person left at home. In that case I could see comfort and a benefit to this.

The person deploying could probably find lots of random "fuck buddies" or friends with benefits for short periods of times but again, only if that is how poly works for you. If you want to use poly as a way to justify one night stands and plenty of flings, feel free to go that way as well as there are plenty of people just waiting for that level of permission. That is generally not based on love but a desire to get off.

As far as the "critical thinking" comment goes - the ability to accept orders without question in times of need is a critical element of the military. I admit that this is not a trait I see very often in my own local poly community. That is why they are generally not in the military nor do they have a very developed concept of what it is all about just like I know shit about being a social activist. There are plenty of diverse thinkers in the military and the Canadian military is very progressive even to the point of paying for gender reassignments.

I supervise on average 15 people when deployed at sea. There is a massive amount of time dedicated to addressing their family issues as is. So while I can see the poly dynamic working for very mature individuals I don't see it being very easy in an environment filled with young people who have a hard enough time adhering to non fraternization regulations as it is LOL! If the military seems overly controlling that is because it is - but those who sign up know it.

All this being said - I know poly people in the military and am not sure how it works for them. I do not deploy any more which is a good thing. Poly is a part of my life through Redpepper not because I chose it. It works because of very specific things. Going away for extended periods of time would not be a workable thing for me personally.

Playing the Game of Life with Monopoly rules.
Monogamy might just be in my genes

Poly Events All Over

Last edited by MonoVCPHG; 12-10-2009 at 04:41 PM.
Reply With Quote
Old 11-27-2013, 07:02 AM
ColorsWolf's Avatar
ColorsWolf ColorsWolf is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: CA, U.S.A.
Posts: 360

Legal Given Name: Christopher Michael Gallardo Jr.

Chosen Name: Starlight Bliss Rainbow

Rating (Job): Future U.S.A. Navy Sailor Aerographer's Mate Enlisted Rank 3 Seaman

Spiritual Beliefs: Possibility.~

Sexuality: Not defined.~

Gender: None.~

Sex: Male.~

Relationship Structure Preference: None.~

Status: I'm in the DEP or Delayed Entry Program and I ship out to Basic Training in January 2014.~

Legal Marriage: Not planning to, since I don't see it as necessary, I am not going make a promise I may one day break, and I don't believe the law has any say in my relationships.~

Current Children: None that I know of and highly unlikely since as far as I know I am a virgin and I have never donated sperm.~

Future Children: Maybe.~

I am in the Navy and I am not going to deny it if asked, but I am not going to answer under most circumstances to begin with, because if it isn't "legal marriage" or any thing like that then they really don't care is what I've been told so far.~

If the husbands and wives are allowed to kiss each other when first getting "off the ship", then I am not going to hide my kissing of how ever many people I love that have come to meet me there at that time no matter what their sex or appearance is.~

I don't know how I will handle the future relationships I may have as I do not pre-program my responses to situations all the time, I do not know all of the future and the future is never written in stone, but I have happiness and hope that every thing will work out.~

I do not understand "physical only relationships" as my every thing: heart, body, mind, and soul are not separate and I feel every thing in every thing I am and do, so no love=no sex, naturally I am a virgin as I have not had the opportunity to actually meet any one in person whom I love and we have not felt like doing that yet.~

I also don't smoke any thing ever because I don't want health problems and I don't need it to be myself in any situation, I don't drink alcohol because I don't want health problems and I don't need it to be myself in any situation, I don't believe in the concept of "trash", and I love and have great respect for every thing including the Earth.~

I have a radically different mindset than most people about love and relationships: I love people for ever, we may not be together at times but I will treasure every moment I am with them no matter how short or long it is, they don't have to stop their life for me for I will not for them for life doesn't stop it goes on and on until you die and then who knows?!~

I'll tell you one thing though: never ever ever will I prevent some one from coming back into my life for I always have room for them: for my love is eternal and my friendship is ever lasting.~

I hope they would do the same for me, but even if they don't: I will still smile and be happy, because I appreciate every moment of every thing: love, life, existence, etc..~ The nature of life and existence is to change and move, I have no regrets, I am happy in this moment.~ ^_^
Love yourself, you are beautiful!~ ^_^

*Believe in yourself, you can do anything*!~ ^_^

Appreciate every thing, every thing is precious.~

Last edited by ColorsWolf; 11-27-2013 at 07:53 AM.
Reply With Quote

deployment, military

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

All times are GMT. The time now is 08:45 AM.