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Old 12-08-2009, 04:18 PM
krummi krummi is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Central Maine
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Default Greetings


I'm a married man in my mid 40's. I've been married for eight years. I'm not really sure what's going on. Am I having some kind of midlife crisis? The seven year itch? I don't know.

I've had this restless (for lack of a better word) feeling for a couple of years now, and in order to try figure out what I've been feeling I did what anyone these days would do: I Googled it! Maybe the "interwebz" isn't the best source of good, solid information, but boy, did I find a lot of information! I seriously considered cheating on my wife, but the bottom line was that I couldn't bring myself to do that to her. I also realized that I wasn't just looking for sex. (Just a bit more background here: From all outward appearances, my wife and I are happily married. Unfortunately our sex life is almost non-existent (I have a fairly high sex drive), but we get along very well, and otherwise have a good relationship.) I started thinking along the line of "Why can't I have a girlfriend as well as a wife?" Which is pretty much what lead me to reading about polyamory. The more I read, the more intrigued I became. I've picked up a few books on polyamory, and am reading through them. The more I read the more I feel that polyamory resonates with my outlook on life.

OK, that's all fine and well, but what about my wife. Me declaring myself poly may make me feel better, and I'm better able to understand my own feelings, but that's only half (or maybe less) the battle. I can't even imagine the can of worms I'd be opening by starting this discussion with her. No, actually, I can imagine it, and it scares the crap out of me. The crucial, all important core of polyamory seems to me to be open and honest communication. Without that it hasn't a chance of working. So, I feel that's where I need to start. Perhaps I can start by opening up some more (non threatening - to her) lines of communication.

Sorry I've rambled on so long. If anyone is still with me, I'd love to hear what you think or might have to say.

Thank you for your time.

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Old 12-08-2009, 05:50 PM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: In Redpepper's heart
Posts: 4,742

Wow...thanks for opening up. Others here have been in the same situation.
Welcome to the forums and glad to see you have a solid grasp on reality in regards to possible reactions by your wife. Sounds like you are on the right path. Read, question, and tread slowly.

Take care

Playing the Game of Life with Monopoly rules.
Monogamy might just be in my genes

Poly Events All Over
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Old 12-08-2009, 10:36 PM
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cloves cloves is offline
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: eastern canada
Posts: 19
Default sounds an awful lot like me


I understand your frustration. I am very much in the same boat.

Well except that I'm female...and so is my life partner....so i guess it's not the same at all. hahaha
Welcome to the board
inside me is a thin woman screaming to get out...but I can usually shut the b*tch up with chocolate!
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Old 12-11-2009, 12:07 AM
Catfish Catfish is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: America's High Five
Posts: 300

Welcome. You are in the right place. Even if you don't end up living a poly life, this group has a metric s*^t ton of wonderful advice.

And I totally second Mono's response. Tread lightly, be honest with your self and trust your instincts.

Bets of luck.
Concern yourself less with love and more with loving.
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Old 12-11-2009, 03:10 AM
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BloodGamers BloodGamers is offline
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 35


I wish I could help, but I have no idea how to help your situation.
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Old 12-11-2009, 01:11 PM
krummi krummi is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Central Maine
Posts: 3

Thanks everyone. I will definitely take things slow and continue my reading (both in these forums as well as the few books I've picked up.) I will also continue to try to think up some non-threatening ways to broach the subject with my wife. I think it's important for me to have a very firm grip on exactly what polyamory is so that I can intelligently discuss it with my wife when that time comes.
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