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Old 11-09-2011, 06:20 AM
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ImaginaryIllusion ImaginaryIllusion is offline
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Lightbulb Downside of Dating, Psycho-Hose-Beasts!

So, as if being a married poly trying to find a date online wasn’t difficult enough, I’ve stumbled onto my first encounter with a Psycho Hose Beast...because the dating pool wasn’t small enough, now I have to watch for crazies...

As it is, I’m still kinda resetting from the breakup with my gf...and mostly have been distracting myself with a bunch of other projects rather than the personal inventory etc. that I had been planning on. Getting sick for most of the last few weeks hasn’t really had me motivated to go out and do a bunch of self-improvements...it’s all I can do just to deal with day to day stuff. So I haven’t been doing much with OKC, like even updating it for the new situation or anything.

And as usual, when I’m not looking is when someone will contact me, and out of the blue, I received a message from someone asking if I wanted to mess around...in a way that tried to play off my OKC username...it was short, but cute at least. Looking at her profile though, it was very clear this was a classic mono looking for a hubby and baby daddy...which is so not what I’m available for...and I “thought” my profile would have been pretty clear about. So I quizzed her.

She confirmed what she was looking for, but had different intentions with me. Her notes were very short, and to the point, and quickly pushing towards “cuddling and who knows” and a quick meeting on Sunday (2 days after the first message…I don’t think she figured out I’m not that easy). My impression was that maybe she was just looking for a quick roll in the hay to relieve frustration or something, but can’t really tell from 4 word messages, so I was going to arrange a coffee meeting for Tuesday. Someone around here was suggesting I should look at rebounding, so it might have been an acceptable situation for both...if there was something there.

So Monday, while I’m recovering from lung infections, watching TV with my wife, surfing the net and listening to the kids crash around the house, I get a IM from the PHB on OKC. After a quick exchange of pleasantries and what we’re watching, I was going to see about making plans for coffee the next day, but I never got that far.

Apparently I wasn’t typing fast enough...as she asked if I was a slow typist...which I certainly am not. I explained I was multitasking, juggling 4 conversations and 2 webpages. (In actuality, I had my wife beside me, I was half listening to the kids in the next room, texting a friend who’s phone was on the fritz, and IM on OKC, and there’s actually 4 webpages minimum on my browser anytime the computer is on)
She said she didn’t like waiting, to which I responded that such was understandable, but it does happen. I could see the conversation was going to go down a rabbit hole soon, and mentioned to my wife that I was probably going to end up pissing off this person on IM.

Well, I called it, and it took a lot less time than I thought. She said something about me not cooperating, and when I asked what I wasn’t cooperating about she told me to answer her quicker or fuck off.

No effort to see what my other conversations were about, or what she might have interrupted with an impromptu IM conversation. Just an ultimatum to pay attention or fuck off...
Wow...just wow. I wouldn’t put up with that shit from the woman I’ve been married to for a dozen years and borne my children! WTF would make this PHB think I’d put up with it from someone who’d I’ve barely exchanged a dozen sentences with (yes, messages and IM combined!)
So I said fine, I’ll fuck off...3...2...1...0, fucking off...Have a good night.
I figured the count down should have given her time to figure out that she crossed a line and give an opportunity for her to salvage it. Nope. Inbetween the counts was swearing and name calling with a few unflattering comments about my figure. Classy. My wife was rather surprised by it all too.
I left a quick note congratulating her on being the first lady on OKC that I’ve had to block. And I’m very very glad that someone like that doesn’t have any personal info. Very glad it came up before phone numbers and coffee.

So...repository for online or dating horror stories...like evil dead 2 comedic horror...not holocaust horror...those belong in their own places. Go.

Don’t forget the Lube!
“People who say it cannot be done should not interrupt those who are doing it.” - Chinese Proverb

-Imaginary Illusion

How did I get here & Where am I going?
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Old 11-09-2011, 07:58 AM
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Phy Phy is offline
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Congrats on the find, but I have to tell you it isn't that rare What really surprised me: You actually answer 4-word-messages? Perfect recipe for finding the wrong persons on there. Anyway, good luck with the next one
Facts: 30, female, bi, v-type relationship with Sward (husband, straight, mono) and Lin (boyfriend, straight, mono), poly-fi and co-primary.

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Old 11-09-2011, 12:37 PM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
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I had one guy who initiated contact, told me he thought it was really interesting I was poly, etc. we had a number of great chats about poly and other topics. Something seemed a little off, but I couldn't tell if it was due to computers between us or not.

So we had been chatting for about a week, and it was getting to the point where I would've liked to meet him for coffee, when one morning, I wake up to find a message from him in my inbox. It said, "I'm not interested. You're poly, and that means you're more likely to have diseases." And he blocked me.

It was so odd!! I mean, I guess it's true. If you compared me to a mono person in a long term relationship (assuming both partners are 100% faithful), I would technically be more likely to have a disease simply because I'm dating and sleeping with other people ...

But yeah. Out of the blue, no discussion of safer sex practices, nada.
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Old 11-09-2011, 03:20 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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Welcome to the intertubes, II! That kind of experience is not uncommon for women - I think it's a bit less likely for men to experience hose-beast-ness but it certainly happens.

And, yeah, length of message can be an early indicator of sanity and/or creep levels. Too short indicates someone who isn't really trying, is boring, or finds you boring but wants to fuck anyway - or only wants to fuck.

A too long message can be verbal diarrhea. They talk about everything under the sun, which may or may not be related to one's profile. This is offputting for me because it means - they didn't read my profile to figure out what I might like, or they can't figure out how to approach me in a non-creepy, non-desperate fashion. Either is bad. Oh, and they don't know how to edit themselves. I'm big on that and find the lack of editing a turn-off.
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Old 11-09-2011, 04:40 PM
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SourGirl SourGirl is offline
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OH COME ON ~ !!!!

She sounds like a keeper ! What a rare gem, that she wants to help you get in touch with your 'jumping-through-hoops-for-scooby-snacks' side !

I don`t get many circus-winners, but this week, something is definitely in the air. Received a email from some 'gentleman' calling me 'hun', and asking me about 20 questions. He knew my name, and asking when we will go out for coffee,....again.

Ummm. I have never met this guy for coffee. I don`t even drink coffee.
Dude who-the-fuck are you ??? I have never met you in my life !

When I told him he had me mixed-up, he tried to work harder to convince me, that maybe he didn't meet me then, but dreamed about it so much, his brain made it into reality.

Nothing quite like a pick-up line, that promotes delusion.
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Old 11-09-2011, 05:21 PM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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I was recently contacted by a woman on OKC who apparently just wanted a good shagging and regular fuck buddy, yet wouldn't come out and say so. She pointed out that she wasn't getting enough sex, especially during the part of her monthly cycle wherein she was extremely horny.

Well, I'm not going to assume there's any real interest until I've actually met somebody in person and had some live interaction. Then, if no alarms are sounding in my head, we can seriously discuss hooking up. Plus, there has to be a pretty straightforward statement of sexual interest--all the beating about the bush in the world isn't going to work.

After several messages--and a thorough description of her frustrations--she stopped sending messages. I'm hallucinating that I was supposed to step up and offer my services as working stud...even though she hadn't actually asked for it and I lack enough information to decide if she's worth a fuck.

I wouldn't class her as psycho. I'd say she's just inept. If she'd stated her intent clearly, then we could have negotiated a meeting and perhaps gotten her needs addressed.
When speaking of various forms of non-monogamy...it ain't poly if you're just fucking around.

While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.
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Old 11-09-2011, 05:25 PM
dingedheart dingedheart is offline
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psycho-hose-beasts need love too....just less lube..... they always bring their own... hose beast motto..... be prepared and all

Also ...what a great band name. What kind of covers should they play? I'm thinkin sex pistols ...
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Old 11-10-2011, 12:51 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Originally Posted by TruckerPete View Post
It was so odd!! I mean, I guess it's true. If you compared me to a mono person in a long term relationship (assuming both partners are 100% faithful), I would technically be more likely to have a disease simply because I'm dating and sleeping with other people ...
If you were a mono person in a long term relationship, you wouldn't be on OKC. Or else you'd be looking to cheat, in which case one might say you're more likely to have diseases because you're already showing a tendency to lie and hide things, so why not lie and hide your health status too?

So suppose there are two types of people on OKC: poly partnered people, and unpartnered people. Poly partnered people have a regular sex partner for when they get urges. Unpartnered people have to sleep around or keep fuck buddies to satisfy these urges (assuming masturbating is inadequate). Which is more likely to pick up a disease??
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.

Last edited by SchrodingersCat; 11-10-2011 at 12:53 AM.
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Old 11-10-2011, 03:28 AM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
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Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
So suppose there are two types of people on OKC: poly partnered people, and unpartnered people. Poly partnered people have a regular sex partner for when they get urges. Unpartnered people have to sleep around or keep fuck buddies to satisfy these urges (assuming masturbating is inadequate). Which is more likely to pick up a disease??
Yeah. I suppose the herpes I got from selling myself on a street corner would have been a sticking point for him, too.

Funnily enough, that special man was pre poly. Morning after an oral sex only romp: "What's that bump on my lip? Oh yeah, I have been feeling a cold sore coming on." Ugh.
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Old 11-23-2011, 11:01 PM
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gwendolenthefair gwendolenthefair is offline
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Here's my psycho hosebeast story (unless only women can be hosebeasts). About two years ago I was on OKC and met a very cute guy about ten years my junior who called himself poly. He wanted to get very personal right away, he told me just about everything about himself, including his last name and where he worked, before we even met (I did not do the same though.) He said he wanted a very serious and long-term relationship. We had several very nice dinner dates with progressively hotter making out afterward, until we consummated our passion with the most incendiary sexual marathon I've ever had in my life. A week after, he invited me over to his house to spend the day. He greeted me at the door, practically dragged me to the bedroom, but then, right in the middle of things, excused himself to go to the bathroom, where I could hear him being sick. When he came out he looked horrible, all greenish and sweating. He admitted that his stomach had been bothering him all morning, but he had been trying to ignore it because he wanted to see me so badly. I wanted to call a doctor, make a drugstore run, anything, but he insisted he only wanted to sleep. I left, but not before making him promise to call me and update me on his condition after I woke up.

He didn't call that night. He didn't call the next day. A full 48 hours later, I had left messages for him, texted him, sent emails, and no response. I was getting really worried. I envisioned him lying unconscious on the floor of his apartment. He lived alone. I could not drop everything and just go back to his place, it was an hour and a half from me and I had a job and young kids too. So I called his office and asked the receptionist if he'd called in sick that day. I figured that if he could do that, he was conscious and could talk on the phone and get help if he needed it. The receptionist thought she had actually seen him at work that morning, although she wasn't completely positive, and transferred me to his voicemail, where I left another message asking him to call.

By 10 pm that night, I hadn't heard from him and figured that my six-week relationship with him was over, so I left him an email asking him to clarify if we were indeed done, telling him that I was a big girl and could handle it, etc.

The next morning, he got in touch. He said he'd been in the hospital the whole time, without his phone, and had just gotten out. I told him that I was thrilled that he was OK, because I'd been worried sick and had even called his office and asked the receptionist if she had news of him. At that point, he had the most massive freakout I've ever been unfortunate enough to be on the receiving end of. Yes, this poly guy who wanted to meet my husband, my kids, my friends, wanted to be a significant part of MY life, even talked of relocating to be closer to me, thought it was an outrageous invasion of privacy that I called his office to ask a minimum-wage receptionist if he was OK after leaving him sick and then not hearing from him for three days. At first, I tried to tell him some version of "You idiot, I was extremely worried about you, you could have been dying on the floor of your apartment," but then he got verbally abusive, I told him we were over, and that was that.

That was some great sex though. I'd always heard that lunatics were great in bed and now I believe it.

Last edited by gwendolenthefair; 11-23-2011 at 11:07 PM.
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