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Old 11-27-2009, 02:33 PM
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ladyjools ladyjools is offline
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Default progress in moving past insecuritys :)

I have been working very hard, within myself, and with R to move through the feelings of insecurity I have about him starting or having a relationship with another woman.

I wanted to make sure that our own relationship felt more solid before there where others introduced to the dynamic of US, and I can honestly say that i feel that things are moving to a place that ARE secure. Relationships are however fluid and I know that security is something to be constantly worked at through comunications and actions. However my point is I am in a place now where I able to feel positive about another woman in Rs life.

In a sense there is and always has been another woman in his life, though not a physical relationship it is an intense emotional one and had been established long before I came along,
at first it made me feel insecure, afraid and uncomfortable, and i had to think really hard about why that was.

Mainly it was becuase i was afraid that he would leave me, an illogical fear because he has shown me no signs at all that he wants to leave and is infact one of the most attentive, loyal, and loving men i have ever had the privladge to know. This is about MY own insecurity of not feeling good enough and so we have talked at length about this. I realised what this other girl adds to his life and how in all respects she is the other love in his life regardless of there relationship not being physical.

I see how happy she makes him, and how loving us both makes him happy and i would rather be there supporting him to enjoy and develop this relationship than feel threatened by it. That doesn't mean i won't have insecure moments but what I like is that we seem to have reached a place where i can tell him i feel insecure and we can talk about it and usually resolve those feelings. I don't and won't deny then when they happen and I will allow myself to feel them because its the only way I can move through them and learn from them,

this weekend he is with her on a trip,
they are sharing a hotel room
things will prob not become physical between them at this time, however I am ok with the small possibility that it might and i feel like thats a really good place to be.

anyway i just wanted to share the progress i have made with this particular relationship

Jools
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Old 11-27-2009, 02:54 PM
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TheMountainBoy TheMountainBoy is offline
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I'm convionced that you have nothing to worry about. R is a good guy an dseems to really liek you - and it obvious you care deeply for each other so he never going to stop that.
I've tried to explain to you about this but you always need to hear someone else say it, and so far everyone on this site seems very friendly and i think have helped us a great deal.
I just hope i can return the compliment
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Old 11-28-2009, 03:01 AM
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Erosa Erosa is offline
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I can understand where your insercurities come from. But it's good that you can see in your own soul that you are making progress.
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Old 11-28-2009, 03:14 AM
Ceoli Ceoli is offline
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Congrats on the progress. Being a secure person is something that just takes a bit of practice.

I love this site because it gives some real practical steps for overcoming insecurity: http://xeromag.com/fvpolypiano
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Old 11-28-2009, 03:40 AM
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ladyjools ladyjools is offline
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thankyou for link, its one i already have in my favs its a very useful resource for all things poly

So tonight is first night i know he is sharing a room with her,

i will say honestly, that i am feeling insecure i am having moments of panic and fear but i feel like thats ok. Choosing to be poly does not make me imune to insecurity or jelousy and i am not ashamed of myself for feeling like this i don't like these feelings but they are there for a reason I am hopeful that in the long run I will learn from them and hopefully my relationship with R will grow.

I am also not giving in to the temptation to text or phone him to ask for reasurance because i want him to be free to enjoy himself without having to worry that i am unhappy. He was very considerate before he left to do everything he could possibily have done to make me feel secure and so i think that he deserves to be able to relax. So i have been careful not to type out lots of texts etc...

i am glad i have a place to talk about this with people who understand
a lot of my friends who have no experience of poly will just advise me that clearly polyamoury is wrong because it must be if i get a bit insecure or jelous,

sigh...

Jools
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