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Old 08-17-2011, 09:58 AM
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Default Is it poly if you haven't met anyone yet?

Feel free to throw jelly cupcakes at me if there's a thread about this somewhere with vivid discussion and excellent points already.

Pure semantincs; say you've recently opened up a previously monogamous relationship, or are a single individual whose decided to embark on poly. Say you are dating to boot.

Is it poly if you don't have romantic feelings for two or more people at the same time?

Can you declare a relationship poly if there's room for others but no practical need for the room right now?
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Old 08-17-2011, 11:21 AM
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I personally believe that people are polyamorous rather than relationships. To me polyamory is the ABILITY to love more than one person.

Monogamy on the other hand, imo at least, describes a relationship (mono - one, gamos - marriage in origin). Non-monogamy would therefore describe all OTHER relationships in their various forms: open relationships/marriage, triad, quad, multiple LTRs. I believe polyamory is the trait that is applied to humans, and non-monogamy is a better term for the diverse collection of relationship styles that we refer to as "polyamory" on this site.

Pure semantics anyway, like you said

I think that polyamory is like sexuality in this case - you don't actually have to have sex with the opposite gender (straight), same gender (gay) or both genders (bi) to be that orientation, it's a self-definition. Likewise you don't actually have to be in multiple relationships, or be in love with two (or more) people to BE polyamorous.
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Old 08-18-2011, 04:48 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zylya View Post
I personally believe that people are polyamorous rather than relationships. To me polyamory is the ABILITY to love more than one person.

.
That sums up my definition of poly...which is of course non-binding to anyone else.
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Old 08-18-2011, 09:21 PM
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The 'ability' theory use to be my definition, but experience has changed that.

I would like to believe, that people are poly regardless of their relationship status, but I think the actuality is different.

For instance, if you have a poly person talking to a 'open-minded' couple who don't currently have outside partners, odds are, the poly person will refer to the couple as 'living monogamously.' Sometimes, even regardless of the intention.

There does seem to be a line drawn in most scenarios.
If you are at least 'looking' with serious intent, then you get the poly label.
If not, it seems most people might refer to someone as open-minded, if they are single, or 'living monogamously' if they are a couple.

So we are defined (by others) according to our relationship structure in most cases.

Now we could debate if that is just a old, ingrained-habit or not,..but that is for a different thread.
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Old 08-19-2011, 01:05 AM
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You can always use Dan Savage's turn of phrase and call a newly opened relationship "monogamish". ^_^
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Old 08-20-2011, 03:23 AM
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I think it's a good idea to mention it as well, as it might become a point much later on.

For example, when I first decided to try polyamory, I was single. There were a few people who were interested in me, and I told all of them before anything even remotely went down that I considered myself polyamorous now. Nothing came out of those people, because they couldn't handle that caveat. I don't regret that, and in fact I'm thankful for it, because if I hadn't mentioned it and let it come up later in the relationship, things could have ended up a lot more dramatic, and people a lot more hurt.
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Old 08-29-2011, 12:00 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
You can always use Dan Savage's turn of phrase and call a newly opened relationship "monogamish". ^_^
Except Mr. Savage didn't have love in mind, but sex in mind, when he coined that term. And poly is centrally about love and only peripherally about sex.
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Old 08-20-2011, 07:42 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zylya View Post
I personally believe that people are polyamorous rather than relationships. To me polyamory is the ABILITY to love more than one person.
that is how I feel about it. Ive always been poly, i may have chosen to practice mono at times though
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Old 08-24-2011, 11:12 AM
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Definitely the ability to love more for me. I was single when I joined you guys and realised who I was. Even now, I'm only with one partner. But I still say I'm polyamorous.
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Old 08-28-2011, 11:45 PM
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For me it's the ability to love more than one person.
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