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  #1  
Old 08-15-2011, 08:10 PM
yul yul is offline
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Default Meeting people in everyday life that would find poly acceptable a long shot?

I have another thread going about how some of the opposite sex people I meet in casual encounters soon give up contact since they know I am in a relationship.

I mean even just trying to maintain friendship with opposite sex is not that easy.

I DO have a few successes in that field but it's really a long shot...

Am I wrong? Should I be more patient? Should I approach this differently?

I do make it clear that I am allowed to have opposite sex friends within my
couple.

I am asking because I am trying to stay away from the usual bar scene and try to meet everyday girls around my workplace etc...

Thanks!
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  #2  
Old 08-15-2011, 08:55 PM
Minxxa Minxxa is offline
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My feeling is that if you are "looking" for people, it tends to not happen. I've had the same issues (and I'm a girl!), and I'm starting to just let it go and instead of looking for people to meet, I'm just trying to get out more, and get more involved with activities I love and eventually I figure I'll meet someone that way.

I see a lot of people come on the board who have opened up their relationship and are now "looking" for someone. And I truly believe that like with most things, you have to let it happen more organically.

You might try getting involved in the local poly scene just to be around like-minded folks and see how that goes...
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  #3  
Old 08-15-2011, 11:20 PM
Allstar Allstar is offline
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To be honest I am mono (openminded towards poly). Honestly when I talked this over with my guys at work. They seemed really into it. So I am willing to say you would have good luck in a military area. They are gone so much and usually willing to agree to the rules set by a partner. Most of them would welcome a poly relationship.
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Old 08-15-2011, 11:32 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by yul View Post
I do make it clear that I am allowed to have opposite sex friends within my couple.
This is an odd statement. If you are looking for friendships only, who would think you are not allowed to have friends? You're an adult, your own person, of course you can make friends! And if you want more than friendship, you just take it slowly and not try to force it.

Here's the way I see it: You are coming across like it's a project. That isn't going to be very appealing to anyone. Your approach must be putting people off because you seem to have an agenda, like collecting toys to have around you.

Whereas, if you just happen to meet someone and genuinely like them, and want to get to know them, you would simply strike up a conversation with them and show your interest. Let it happen organically, not like a big-deal project, which I am sure adds pressure to both you and your prospective friends. I think you need to relax a bit and not worry so much.
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  #5  
Old 08-16-2011, 01:28 AM
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River River is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Minxxa View Post
My feeling is that if you are "looking" for people, it tends to not happen.
It's weird that way, but not only is this a cliche truism, it's often very true.
I met my Faraway Sweetie just as I was stopping my search, and pretty soon we realized that we've got some real potential between us as Sweeties.
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  #6  
Old 08-16-2011, 01:58 AM
scotsnwry scotsnwry is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Minxxa View Post
My feeling is that if you are "looking" for people, it tends to not happen.
Yep. My wife and I met when neither of us was looking.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Minxxa View Post
...instead of looking for people to meet, I'm just trying to get out more, and get more involved with activities I love and eventually I figure I'll meet someone that way.
That's how I met my previous partner. And again, I wasn't looking. Somehow, I think people can tell when you're looking, and it puts some people off.
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  #7  
Old 08-16-2011, 02:32 AM
yul yul is offline
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Thanks for your replies!

In my life, if I would let things happen, I would still be single. I always put some effort in getting what I want...

I understand the "project" thing and I know it is not like that...even for outsiders.

Right now, I do not want anything too eccentric yet I like to get to meet the girls I like.

Many LTR's would not allow a man to do such a thing I am sure.

I am not "aiming" for anything yet I feel women become more distant from the time they know I have a girlfriend.

I know how to pick up girls. They are not afraid.

Just perhaps they don't know what to do with an outgoing guy that has a girlfriend?

Last edited by yul; 08-16-2011 at 02:35 AM.
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  #8  
Old 08-16-2011, 04:50 AM
MorningTwilight MorningTwilight is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by yul View Post
I have another thread going about how some of the opposite sex people I meet in casual encounters soon give up contact since they know I am in a relationship.

I mean even just trying to maintain friendship with opposite sex is not that easy.

I DO have a few successes in that field but it's really a long shot...

Am I wrong? Should I be more patient? Should I approach this differently?

I do make it clear that I am allowed to have opposite sex friends within my
couple.

I am asking because I am trying to stay away from the usual bar scene and try to meet everyday girls around my workplace etc...

Thanks!
It's perverse, frustrating, and very Zen, but I've never, ever found someone when I was looking. It's always when I wasn't looking that the spark lit the tinder and a relationship took off. There's that whole "desperation" vibe that goes with looking, and people pick up on that. It's hard to do, but just be yourself, talk to people, and really, really LISTEN, and sooner or later, you'll strike that spark.

MT
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  #9  
Old 08-16-2011, 02:07 PM
yul yul is offline
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Anyone would like to answer my original question please?
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  #10  
Old 08-16-2011, 03:11 PM
Jade Jade is offline
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Okay, I get the question now. Yes, probably a long shot. If you're looking for someone that you know, up front, is open to poly, it probably won't happen easily. People don't just go around wearing that on their sleeves.

Last edited by Jade; 08-16-2011 at 03:14 PM.
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