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Old 06-21-2011, 02:12 PM
Chimera Chimera is offline
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: New York
Posts: 66
Default Howdy

Hello folks!

Well, sadly, I found myself here searching the forum because of a problem of cheating has again cropped up in my relationship. I know this is the intro area though, so some info about me.

I'm a woman who's gone from identifying over the years as straight-lesbian-bisexual to queer/pansexual. I can't remember a time when I didn't have multiple desires and have only had one monogamous relationship that morphed into non-monogamy. I've never been jealous much (honestly), but betrayal is a huge trigger due to childhood issues, and also because I think it's incredibly important to be honest.

I'm currently in an almost 20-year poly relationship with a straight man. For political reasons, we reject the institution of marriage, but are fully committed as long-term partners and live together. We're part of a larger political community that is very poly friendly, but it's not something that most people discuss much. Over the years, I've had other lovers, but for the first time have a more serious BF, also poly by nature. We've been friends for 4 years, and more intimate for 3, and it's now sadly a long-distance relationship. I do also miss having a GF! My partner has also had lovers/GFs and has a long-distance GF, although it's more casual.

As with most LTR, we've had issues over the years like cheating by both, but we've worked on this and found that some of the problems were due to how we defined the boundaries of our relationship. However, my partner has also lied to me -- at the time the positives of our relationship outweighed ending it -- and has a recurring issue with not respecting our agreements, i.e. cheating. So, that's my story, I'm in a tough place atm, have some great relationships, but one that is causing me pain again and there are no easy answers about what to do.
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Old 06-22-2011, 12:54 AM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Kansas City Metro
Posts: 2,187

Welcome aboard.
When speaking of various forms of non-monogamy...it ain't poly if you're just fucking around.

While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.
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