Book and Website Recommendations

[rubyfish]

My husband and I are taking baby steps into polyamory. Everything is still in the hypothetical, but I've been doing lots of research (both because I'm the poly one and I'm really rather neurotic). I was looking for some book recommendation. I'm looking for books to help my husband understand how I feel and what I want.

I just finished The Ethical Slut and it wasn't exactly what I was hoping for. I think there is great information in there about managing jealousy and emotions, but it just wasn't emphasizing what I was hoping for. I'm looking for a book that talks more about love and less about sex, because that's me. Sex is nice and all, but for me it's about love and connection. No offense to anyone with other view points, but I was hoping there was a book that was more in tune with me.

Thanks so much,

Ruby

[LovingRadiance]

Just today I read the following recommendations on other threads here:

Living Happily Ever After-Marsha Sinetar
The 6 Pillars of Self-Esteem-Nathaniel Brandon
Divine Sex:liberating sex from religious tradition-Philo Thelos

I know Mono had posted another because he didn't like the Ethical Slut-but I can't recall what thread it was on. You might pm him....

[MonoVCPHG]

This is the book I most recommend so far for those that want to explain polyamory to someone.

Polyamory:
The New Love Without Limits

http://www.lovewithoutlimits.com/books.html


Here is my reasoning for not recommending the Ethical Slut or even the book Opening Up.

Both the above books are more directed at those that want to open up. They are less sensitive to a person who is trying to understand why their partner needs this.

The New Love Without Limits, although less in depth and simplistic, does a better job of explaining the multiple "loving" aspect of polyamory in my opinion.

The "Ethical Slut" reads like a how-to to fuck lots of people in a mature responsible way.

Opening Up is a book for couples who want to open up.

A lot of times we are dealing with people who do not want to open up. This requires a great deal of clarity, sensitivity, and understanding of their perspective when presenting the reasons for how and why their partner wants/needs and can even have multiple loves.

I'm not sure of a book specifically designed for those people..the ones looking at their partners with broken hearts, feeling loss, inadequate or replaced.
I don't mean to sound dramatic..but that is what we are dealing with.

Peace and Love
Mono

[AutumnalTone]

Heh. The New Love Without Limits is a book I recommend people avoid because it has far too much New Age fluff crust to truly be useful, in my opinion.

Jenny Block's book, Open: Love, Sex and Life in an Open Marriage, is an interesting place to start.

I also recommend Opening Up, by Tristan Taormino. Of the books I've read on polyamory (and I've not read all available, as yet) this is the one I think provides better coverage and discussion of all aspects of non-monogamy, which helps provide a better understanding of how polyamory fits in with other forms of non-monogamy.

Thomas Moore's The Soul of Sex is a book I found quite interesting. It doesn't deal specifically with polyamory, and has quite a lot to do with relationships and marriage.

[MonoVCPHG]

Originally Posted by SeventhCrow

Heh. The New Love Without Limits is a book I recommend people avoid because it has far too much New Age fluff crust to truly be useful, in my opinion.

.

Your comments are echoed to me by many poly people I know Seventh Crow. Fasciniating how a mono mind can look at the same words differently. Not that all monos see things my way. Thanks for giving some more ideas for reading

[Ceoli]

Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG

Fasciniating how a mono mind can look at the same words differently.

Honestly, I don't think it has much to do with a "mono mind" reading it versus a "poly mind". I think it just has to do with whether people like to swallow that kind of writing or not.

I also think there's not that much difference between a mono and poly mind.

[AutumnalTone]

Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG

Thanks for giving some more ideas for reading

I think Moore's material on the lovers' cave will prove interesting for you.

[Petal]

Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG

This is the book I most recommend so far for those that want to explain polyamory to someone.

Polyamory:
The New Love Without Limits

http://www.lovewithoutlimits.com/books.html


Here is my reasoning for not recommending the Ethical Slut or even the book Opening Up.

Both the above books are more directed at those that want to open up. They are less sensitive to a person who is trying to understand why their partner needs this.

The New Love Without Limits, although less in depth and simplistic, does a better job of explaining the multiple "loving" aspect of polyamory in my opinion.

The "Ethical Slut" reads like a how-to to fuck lots of people in a mature responsible way.

Opening Up is a book for couples who want to open up.

A lot of times we are dealing with people who do not want to open up. This requires a great deal of clarity, sensitivity, and understanding of their perspective when presenting the reasons for how and why their partner wants/needs and can even have multiple loves.

I'm not sure of a book specifically designed for those people..the ones looking at their partners with broken hearts, feeling loss, inadequate or replaced.
I don't mean to sound dramatic..but that is what we are dealing with.

Peace and Love
Mono

I would have to agree completely with you. Though I'm not in a position to speak much on anything I can speak on these references and I completely agree with you. In my last few years of dipping my toes into this way of life I've read all three books. Perhaps my introduction to this new way of living would have been accepted more quickly had I read "The new love without limits" first.

[MonoVCPHG]

Everything is a learning experience isn't it? Loking forward to hearing more from you Petal

[Petal]

Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG

Everything is a learning experience isn't it? Loking forward to hearing more from you Petal

Yes, indeed it is. An great thing about learning is that no matter what it is your learning about it's always good that you're learning. Perhaps one day you'll hear more, but for now I'm learning I'm only good at public speaking professionally versus personally. Thanks for making me feel more comfortable in doing so though.