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Old 06-14-2011, 06:03 AM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Default Why older women?

It is quite common to see younger men engaging older women in sexual relationships and everyone has their reasons. There are great aspects to this and some less than positive ones.

I'll offer my perspective on this based on my own experience. I have always been attracted to older older women since I can remember. My first real experience confirmed what I always believed...older women are hot and know what they are doing! I was just 19 and she was between 40 to 43.

There is a darker side to this as well though. I'll cover both sides from the inner workings of my own mind...some opinions will not be liked for sure but I think there is some value in sharing this.

Older women can exude extreme confidence! It doesn't matter what they look like, their size, body shape or hair color. If they are internally confident it radiates like the sun and if there is sexual energy contained in that look out! Meeoowww!! They know what they want and aren't afraid to ask for it - thank you for that! Young men can learn a lot and quite frankly have their mind blown by the embrace of a mature women. There is no doubt that being with an experienced lover sets the bar high for any young man who has the pleasure to be with an older women.

The darker side...young men can prey on older women as well. Why do I say prey? Because women who are older are often also going through a huge life change and guys know this. Divorce or separation after a long time sets the stage for manipulation sometimes. Some guys are very good at picking up on the vulnerabilities created in the vacuum of a divorce. Some women start looking for validation that they are desirable and wanted. They exude a different kind of energy that guys can also sense....desperation. This can lead to an exaggerated openness of sexual freedom because it creates the sense of being wanted and "loved". Men talk about this. Jokes are made about going to cougar bars to find the easy score. And make no doubt, those connections are often soley about sex. A lot of those are mutually satisfying and quite upfront but some give false impressions of true desirability where anyone would do to get release.


What are your thoughts?
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Old 06-14-2011, 07:58 PM
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What about those younger men that are out of sync with the women of their generation sexually? I would think that some have higher expectations of the women their age as a result of having sex with women let's say, twice their age. Surely that would fuck with their heads a bit when it comes to finding a mate to achieve tradtional monogamous cultural norms with.
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Old 01-28-2012, 07:22 PM
belinda belinda is offline
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Default When your boyfriend got the same age as your son!

Hello all!
I'm 41 and I'm in a relationship with a younger man I met on an online dating website called toyboywarehouse.com
The age gap is not a problem between us but it's a huge issue for my son as my boyfriend got his same age!
I really don't know how to manage this because since I talked to him about my partner, he stopped talking to me!!!
That's ruining my life...I'm really in love with my boyfriend but at the same time I don't want to run any risk to lose my son!!!
Any advice or similar experiences?
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Old 01-28-2012, 07:30 PM
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I have dated men as much older as me as to be my father's age (20 years), and younger than me by 15.5 (technically old enough to my son). At 8 years younger, I didn't have much problem. When I started dating someone 13 years younger, I had more than a few thoughts on it. I was menstruating by 13, but had not started being sexual. At 15.5, I was sexual, and could have been pregnant.

Most of the time, I'm able to not consider the age difference. But I think about it a fair bit. I worry much that when the difference is more apparent, they will no longer be interested. Recently, when I 'broke up' with Current bf (we had lived together 5 years, and I asked him to move out), I was on match dot com for a bit. Men my age are rarely appealing to me.

Current bf also says he's always been attracted to older women (First bf, I think he doesn't consider all the usual considerations). He has expressed the same things Mono said ~ confidence, we know what we're doing. The most mentioned item of attraction is brains, and I just don't think he's met many women even close to his age with the kind of smarts I have. and that has very little to do with age.
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Old 01-28-2012, 09:10 PM
polyFM polyFM is offline
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Oh boy, what a timely thread.

I think there's a difference between women and girls, and that doesn't have to do with age. Older ladies tend to be... womanly. They radiate that sense of matured sexuality that their younger counterparts can't quite rock. The prolonged eye contact, coy smile, subtly seductive teasing, entrancing pauses in conversation... I've known 20-year-old women with that vibe and 35+ women who don't have it. It just so happens that it takes time and experience to develop, and older ladies have generally had more time and experience.

As for "cougar hunting" - I don't see what's wrong with an older woman going to a bar to hook up with a younger guy. I see sex as a celebration of the body; if two people are up for celebrating then hey, why not. I do think it can get unhealthy when expectations are miscalculated or misrepresented but for the most part I see that situation as a harmless embrace. Women can "prey on" us young guys just as well - I prefer the term "celebrate with" though.
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Old 01-28-2012, 10:50 PM
dingedheart dingedheart is offline
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I know personally a group of young firefighters who love to hit a certain watering hole that caters to older women ..35-50ish. They feel like male strippers...like shooting fish in a barrel. Older women crave the attention of young men ...young men crave any and all attention...simple. Its understood its about the sex.. nobody's getting used...or its mutual at worse.

Lots of times this place becomes their plan B, or C.

God the stories I've heard...
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Old 01-29-2012, 01:31 AM
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I like much younger men/women and much older men/women. I generally don`t date around my age group.

You are right Mono about the 'backslide' as I call it,...where young men prey on older women for an easy lay. Heck it doesn`t even have to go that far. One of the easiest games in town, use to be 'Doormen/bouncers' at bars, and they would ID women who were much too old to be needing it.

That set up the rest of the night, for paying attention to a specific 'cougar' as they walked by. The rest was one-night history. I tend to feel embarrassed, sorry for the women in question.

Why do I like older women ? (or did you only want to hear from men ? Whoopsie, if so. ) Honestly, I tend to find them prettier. They have figured out what looks good on themselves, and what doesn`t. Many have made amends with their bodies, and want to enjoy life. They know what they like. It`s more likely that a 'meeting of the minds' occurs. There is more to talk about, and laugh over.

I`m editing to add, ( 'Cause I`m yappy tonight. UFC does that to me.) It`s not just a confidence thing. My last female lover, is much older then me, and quite shy. Maybe older women are just 'da bomb'. No need for a 'reason.'

Last edited by SourGirl; 01-29-2012 at 04:13 AM.
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Old 01-29-2012, 03:36 AM
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I was once 'seduced' by a much younger man. It was textbook pickup artist crud. It was a 'motivational seminar.' This lovely young man was on my 'team.' He worked for the company, but he was participating this time (with breaks to go sell stuff). I think the thing was five days (it may have been shorter). Our teams were small, about 10. There was lots of dancing and jumping around and yelling and hugging. In one of those moments he kissed me. It was slightly awkward, but it came off as though he was caught up in the moment and not really planning it. [I have no idea if it was genuinely unplanned and then he went into PUA or if he had planned that moment also] What it did was make me start thinking. why did he do that? What the hell? Does he want more? He's kinda cute. OMG why would he DO that? and so on (and so on)

At the end of the workshop, I was planning to camp out in my truck and hit the road home the next day. He invited me back to his place. I was planning to sleep on the couch. Yah, that didn't happen. But at every step, he completely made clear that it was my choice and he would not hold it against me at any point had I backed off and said no. It was quite a stunning thing. [actually, I've always said I didn't care for one-night stands, but that one was exceptional] Very clear he wasn't inviting me into his life, very clear it was what it was. In the morning he helped me carry my bags and was very sweet, and kissed me g'bye. I felt totally respected.

I had these thoughts in response to the pity for cougars hook-ups. At the time, I don't think I was actually old enough to BE a cougar (and I wouldn't consider myself one) but our age difference was huge.
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Old 01-29-2012, 03:39 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by polyFM View Post
I think there's a difference between women and girls, and that doesn't have to do with age. Older ladies tend to be... womanly. They radiate that sense of matured sexuality that their younger counterparts can't quite rock. The prolonged eye contact, coy smile, subtly seductive teasing, entrancing pauses in conversation... I've known 20-year-old women with that vibe and 35+ women who don't have it. It just so happens that it takes time and experience to develop, and older ladies have generally had more time and experience.
I really like this. I had that vibe at 20, but I started early with the practicing.

I find it amusing that most of my men have this, the confidence, the whatever, but they don't *think* they do. It's an odd dissonance.
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Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own...
Robert A. Heinlein

Me: female, bi, (formerly hinge of a vee)
with FirstBoyFriend (FBF)(moderately long-distance)
and no longer with CurrentBoyFriend (CBF)(who lives in the apartment building next door)
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Old 01-29-2012, 08:49 AM
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Had a 2 year relationship with a women about 18 years my senior. She was 55, I was 37! Oh yum!

Reasons were, yes, I suppose the confidence. I also had a lot of freedom and didnt have to explain where I was all the time. and then I found she stretched my mind on many things, and had a lot of life experience advice to give.
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