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Old 10-28-2009, 05:54 PM
Tahirabs Tahirabs is offline
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Topeka, ks
Posts: 59
Question ? Has this happened to any of you ?

Do any of you have this type of situation...

My girlfriend deeply loves me. (she lives with us)
My husband deeply loves me.
My girlfriend wants to be close to my husband and really wants to be friends with him.
My husband says he loves her heart and soul and that she is a good friend who could become even closer as time goes on, but if it wasn't for our situation and my deep love for her he probably would of never been friends with her.
My Husband says he wants to have her join our family for the long hall, but seems to get jelouse easily.
On top of all this we have had some sexual experiances, of course me with my husband, soem me with her, and some me with both of them, but never the two of them alone.

To me this seems a little strange in the light of Poly since I am madly in love with both of them and them me but between the two of them they are just friends who are trying to build more just for my sake (or atleast how that seems... my girlfriend says she wants the deepr friendship with my husband , but my husband has never said that about he). (My husband is one of those people that once he makes a friend that person is a friend for life and stays in touch for a long time... me not so much

Let me know if any of you have a simmilar situaion to this OR let me know what you think of this. Thanks for the advice. I am new to all this and just have so many questions. Sorry for the long letter.
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Old 10-28-2009, 07:03 PM
Fidelia Fidelia is offline
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Tahirabs, dear one:

There are infinite possibilties for giving and receiving love. It is not necessary to be concerned about the way others arrange their relationships, just as it is not necessary to worry now about troubles and choices that may never come.

If your relationships are working for you and your beloveds, they're working. Who cares what someone outside may think or do or say?

Love one another.

Express that love in respect, compassion and joy.

Nurture one another. As troubles arrive, face them together with sincerity and unity.

Live today and let tomorrow worry about itself.
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Old 10-29-2009, 03:19 AM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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Location: Kansas City Metro
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I'd say it's unwise to expect that just because you love two people deeply that they will love each other the same. Humans don't work that way. They may hit it off and connect as strongly, they may only find a satisfying friendship. As long as it works, all is OK.

It's a problem only if they can't form a friendship. Toleration isn't a solution for the long term.

What you describe is a vee. My last amorata was straight, so she and my wife were friends, never lovers. Indeed, I don't ever look to end up in a triad, as the odds of finding someone who connects deeply with both of us are too slight to bother with. I simply look for good connections for me and my wife looks for good connections for her.

Last edited by AutumnalTone; 10-29-2009 at 03:22 AM.
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Old 10-30-2009, 12:55 AM
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maca maca is offline
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If you want you can read up on LR and myself. LR has a BF he lives with us.We have not been friends for long(only really started trying to know him in the last month). He has lived with us for years now.There is history there that if you want to know about you can research it here about myself and C and LR.

Friendship for the long haul is nessecary.Them loving each other( more then just friendship)is not a requirment though.

Good luck to the 3 of you.

Peace and Love
" NO WORDDIES BE HAPPY"- My 2 year old baby girl
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Old 10-30-2009, 06:01 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Not everyone shares the same love... is it possible that you just need to relax and just observe for a bit... see the love around you and that things are fine the way they are? They sound okay, so perhaps you should be too, no?

If you can't let it go then what is it about this situation that you are not letting go of.... ? or that is bothering you... ? more info please.
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Old 11-02-2009, 03:01 PM
Tahirabs Tahirabs is offline
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Topeka, ks
Posts: 59
Smile Thanks

Thanks for the advice of stepping back a little (mentally) and just observing what is around me (between my husband and K {Girlfriend}). My husband has told me many times in the last 2 weeks that the biggest issue in regards to any of our connections (the three of us, me and him, me and her, her and him) is MY over worring. ::sigh:: well maybe if I just observe for a day or two I can figue some more things out!! thanks for the help.
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Old 12-03-2009, 12:03 AM
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Erosa Erosa is offline
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Originally Posted by SeventhCrow View Post
I'd say it's unwise to expect that just because you love two people deeply that they will love each other the same. Humans don't work that way.
I have to agree on this point.

Here is another thought that gives me pause; Why does your girlfriend want to be closer to your husband? What's the motivation? Is it for your sake? Is she doing it because SHE wants to be closer to him or because she wants to make a more secure hold on the relationship between you and her?

Is your husband simply not attracted to her? That is a legitimate possiblity.
With all my heart I will love and not fail,
With all my soul I will fly and not fall.
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Old 12-03-2009, 05:05 PM
Tahirabs Tahirabs is offline
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Location: Topeka, ks
Posts: 59
Smile thanks again!

I think my gf wants to get closer to my husband partly because of me (wanting to hold on to what we've got) but also becuase she charishes her friendship with him and wants that to grow too. I know my hsband loves her, he has said so (her mind and spirt), but yes I don't think he is as attracted to her as I am (though we have had numourse 3somes, but you know how some men are about sex they take what they can get... some of them {him included to a degree}) ummm... I know he loves me more (right word?) than her or atleast differtnly and i am now comming to except all this. Thank you all for your help.
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Old 12-03-2009, 12:48 AM
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crisare crisare is offline
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I'm a little late to the original post. I"m new to the board and a bit new to being part of a poly community ... so take this for what it's worth:

I don't see why there *has* to be a sex/love relationship between your g/f and your husband. If they like each other well enough, then I would say don't look for trouble that isn't there. My guy and I were together for nearly 2 years; I was friendly with his wife, but am not bi- and was not at all interested in a sexual/love relationship with her. Nor was my guy interested in a relationship with my husband. We were friendly socializing together, but that was about it.

I don't think "in light of Poly" has anything to do about it ... since I've never read or heard anywhere that poly means everyone has to have the same relationship with everyone else. There are so many possible variations of what a relationship (or connection of relationships) could be that I don't think you can make any definitive statements about it "in light of Poly".
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