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Old 10-27-2009, 10:45 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Default Half Full Glass or Half Empty?

DISCLAIMER: ramblings may not pertain to you-I am thinking about my thoughts in regards to a half empty glass kind of person who is trying to figure out how to be happy in their life... Please feel free to skip this monologue! No need for replies unless the topic REALLY interests or moves you. All questions are rhetorical. For the whole post "you" means "half empty person who wants to find happiness.


I know "you" are trying to get a grasp on yourself, your life and your relationships. You seek that peace and happiness you see on my face when I'm not dealing with your drama.

I sympathise, I really do.

I just flat don't know how to help you.

Certain things one just has to DECIDE to do in life.

There isn't much anyone else can do or say to make it better until your choice is made and you start down the path of your choosing.

For example:

Deciding to roll with the punches and focus on the good things in life, not the bad.

Sure-I could have ended our relationship with you over all the little b.s. that went wrong.
But I chose to focus on all the little b.s that went right.

It's not like I'm in denial-I'm fully aware of what went wrong and I acknowledge and accept it for what it is. Hell I even use it when I'm trying to help others see a path through their own darkness.

But I don't FOCUS on it. It is what it is and it can't be changed, but not EVERYTHING was bad and not EVERYTHING went wrong.

You talk like our whole relationship has been a disaster because I fell in love with someone else.

But I never fell out of love with you. Not for one second in a random single minute of a short single hour of an unmemorably boring single day, in that stupid week we forgot about, that random year of our decade+ together.

I fell in love with someone else as well. I needed support through some of that negative b.s. But I didn't leave and though I didn't do it all quite right-I stuck by you and pushed myself to keep growing and learning so I could continue to do it better with each passing day.

Should we should take a paper and a pen, make a list called "all you did wrong vs all I did wrong" and see who can make the longest list? Will it help to drag ourself through each hurtful memory? Will it give you peace?

How will we identify which things are worse?

How do we decide if the item on one side is equal to the item on the other?

Where does one draw the line?

Do you just take it item for item regardless of how damaging something was?

No?

Then how does one identify what WAS most damaging?

The problem is that what is severely damaging to you may only be mildly damaging to me and vice versa.... So how will we keep this straight? It's your list, maybe you should make the rules.

But may I make a simple request?

When this list of wrongs done between us two-can we also make a list of all the little things that I did right vs the ones you did too?

Can our list include every single tiny thing, no matter how miniscule?

Then can we take your list and compare it to mine and see if there is just cause for you to feel that all we've had is so invaluable that it's worth pouring that glass down the proverbial drain?



You see my love-I see the glass as half full. I look upon your heartbroken, frightened face and even when I'm so damn mad I want to scream, I see your precious heart.
I see it glowing in your face and feel a longing once again to join it with mine.

You feel threatened and fearful, like maybe you are missing some key piece of me.You figure if I give my love to another then I must have less when I come to you.

You say "X gets what X wants and you get what you want but I only get what's left over."

Is that really how it is? Because somehow it doesn't feel like that at all to me. I guess we're not acting in the same movie or hearing the same song.

He holds me in his arms telling me he loves me, reassuring me that all will be well and holding my Hyde at bay.

He brainstorms how to help your every minute problem when he could be immersed in play.

He spends his days creating the peace that means so much to you when you come home at the end of the day.

He spends his life devoted to loving you though you refuse to love him too.

He's given up his world to be the one who can make me the woman you need me to be....

So what exactly is it that you think you lost? I fear you have it backwards in your beautiful little head my love, because the truth is that he gives you all he's found in life, he doesn't take anything away. I have so much more to give you because he's there to carry some of the load.

That cup my dear is precious to me and if it matters not to you because you think it's half empty-then maybe it's me who is only getting "what's left".

But what's left is a treasure to me and I'll take what's left, please don't throw it away.

You can look for a lifetime for the glass you want that's full.

This half-full glass is exactly what I want and need
and
I'll keep it if you please!
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Old 10-27-2009, 11:52 PM
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wow
just wow, you write that out is such a beautiful way,
and actually i could have wrote this myself, it seems we have some similar things going on

i agree with so much,
i am a half full person, i don't think i always was but i most def am now,

"You talk like our whole relationship has been a disaster because I fell in love with someone else.

But I never fell out of love with you."


it is sad but true that often falling in love is viewed in this way, but its not,
i truely believe that my loving R and M, has made me a happier more forfilled person, and its made my love for montianboy even stronger, because we are doing this together and even if it is sometimes the most difficult thing we have ever done, we are still together and we are still fighting for our love and its forcing us to be honest and open up every single little thing so that we can grow closer,



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Old 10-28-2009, 12:19 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Yes-reading your posts and his-we do have a lot in common.
It's not an easy road, but I have faith that the end result will be worth the time and effort.
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Old 10-28-2009, 12:20 AM
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ladyjools ladyjools is offline
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god i hope so, becuase this is the hardist thing i have ever done,
to see him hurt because of me sometimes im tempted to try and make that sacrifce again so make him happy
and then i remember how awful for me
so it feels like someone hurts no matter what,



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Old 10-28-2009, 12:24 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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I struggled back and forth for 7 years my dear.

All I can say to both of you is that either one of you trying to pretend to be something you are not will only guarantee failure.

One of the hardest lessons for Maca (still a struggle at times) was that he can BE whoever he wants/needs but he can't choose who I am. It's really that simple.

As soon as we ask someone to be something specific for us that is inherently opposed to who they are, we guarantee we will lose them. Because even if they don't leave-they become a fraction of whoever they were to begin with.

I don't envy mountainboy's position.nor do I envy M's position, nor do I envy yours-and I am living it!

It is tough. I said somewhere else on here. Ultimately I had to decide that I loved Maca AND myself enough to say "this is me and if you can't live with me I understand and love you enough to let you go, but I love me enough that I can't lie to myself anymore".

It sucked and I still have nightmares of being left high and dry. But it's only been 5 weeks.
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Old 10-28-2009, 12:29 AM
violet violet is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
[COLOR="Red"]You talk like our whole relationship has been a disaster because I fell in love with someone else.

But I never fell out of love with you. Not for one second in a random single minute of a short single hour of an unmemorably boring single day, in that stupid week we forgot about, that random year of our decade+ together.

I fell in love with someone else as well. I needed support through some of that negative b.s. But I didn't leave and though I didn't do it all quite right-I stuck by you and pushed myself to keep growing and learning so I could continue to do it better with each passing day.

-snip-

You see my love-I see the glass as half full. I look upon your heartbroken, frightened face and even when I'm so damn mad I want to scream, I see your precious heart.
I see it glowing in your face and feel a longing once again to join it with mine.

You feel threatened and fearful, like maybe you are missing some key piece of me.You figure if I give my love to another then I must have less when I come to you.

You say "X gets what X wants and you get what you want but I only get what's left over."

Is that really how it is? Because somehow it doesn't feel like that at all to me. I guess we're not acting in the same movie or hearing the same song.

He holds me in his arms telling me he loves me, reassuring me that all will be well and holding my Hyde at bay.

He brainstorms how to help your every minute problem when he could be immersed in play.

He spends his days creating the peace that means so much to you when you come home at the end of the day.

He spends his life devoted to loving you though you refuse to love him too.

He's given up his world to be the one who can make me the woman you need me to be....

So what exactly is it that you think you lost? I fear you have it backwards in your beautiful little head my love, because the truth is that he gives you all he's found in life, he doesn't take anything away. I have so much more to give you because he's there to carry some of the load.

That cup my dear is precious to me and if it matters not to you because you think it's half empty-then maybe it's me who is only getting "what's left".

But what's left is a treasure to me and I'll take what's left, please don't throw it away.

You can look for a lifetime for the glass you want that's full.

This half-full glass is exactly what I want and need
and
I'll keep it if you please!

What you said here resonates deeply. I think a lot of this is how HMA has been feeling toward me with everything I'm feeling toward Anne. I THINK it gets out what he's been trying to tell me the last couple weeks. If that's the case, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for helping me get a jump-start on understanding.

...I still don't get it all the way. But it helped.
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Old 10-28-2009, 01:01 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by violet View Post
What you said here resonates deeply. I think a lot of this is how HMA has been feeling toward me with everything I'm feeling toward Anne. I THINK it gets out what he's been trying to tell me the last couple weeks. If that's the case, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for helping me get a jump-start on understanding.

...I still don't get it all the way. But it helped.
You are welcome. I only know I had to get it out. I have tried every way I know how to help Maca and nothing I do seems to work. Somedays I just feel OVERFULL of all the painful emotions he's carrying in him.

I kept seeing Mono posting just a "what is on my mind" type of thread that seemed cathartic to him simply because he posted it and then RP said something about taking a break from other people's issues and I realized I needed to write out my feelings. And it helped me too. I hope it helps Maca to understand me better too.
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Old 10-28-2009, 01:45 AM
nalena nalena is offline
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LR-- I can take most of that to heart and learn from it. Thank you for posting it. It felt the first half you were talking directly to me.
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Old 10-28-2009, 01:55 AM
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LR-- I can take most of that to heart and learn from it. Thank you for posting it. It felt the first half you were talking directly to me.
It wasn't aimed at you-but it would seem that as people feel it was meaningful to them-it was good I wrote it out!
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Old 10-28-2009, 06:18 AM
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I hate when you make so much sense Looking from outside the box.Self esteem seems to be the biggest issue.If you feel like your worthy, happy, healthy,attractive,smart and generally someone that others WANT to be around then you can see the glass as half full.

Ither way you have half a glass. So I suppose its my choice which way to look at it.

Love you lover
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