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Old 10-26-2009, 05:20 AM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Default Forums: Help or Hinder?

I'm curious to hear what the feedback of forum participants is about their journey on here. I found this forum at the early stages of my relationship because I needed a place to share my feelings. The rest is history!

Positives -

- The forum has given me an outlet for my self-analysis and by thinking about the issues of others I have been pushed to look at my own inner workings.
- The forum has also been a way of communicating with Redpepper as we discuss each other’s responses.
- Some people make a comment that indirectly answers questions I have but did not even identify yet!

Negatives
-

- Sometimes I take on the issues of others and end up putting myself in their shoes so to speak. There is not a lot of poly dynamics I could be healthy in so this happened a lot LOL!!
- Sometimes Redpepper and I read too much into our responses or misinterpret each other which leads to a lot of discussion about non-issues.
- There have been times where I became so frustrated or disillusioned by the stories or ideas of others that I felt like surrendering. I forgot that although this is real life, this is not my life.

We all know some people don't get the answers they are looking for and at times all of us say things in the moment we wish we could retract. We also know some very good friendships are blooming on here.

I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Peace and love
Mono
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Last edited by MonoVCPHG; 10-26-2009 at 05:28 PM.
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Old 10-26-2009, 05:31 AM
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I've found myself wondering a few times how my relationship with H might have been different (possibly better) if we had the cast of characters that exist here and now in this place. And then I am also grateful that when the fit hit the shan that all of that madness didn't go public (having it go public in our local community was more than enough).
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Old 10-26-2009, 05:39 AM
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The public aspect of the forums is certainly a consideration. When I first came on here I posted a pic of myself because frankly I don't care what most people think. Redpepper reminded me that other people we know and may refer to as examples could see this and misinterpret our intentions so I took it down. I'd like to put it back up though...I think. We are pretty wide open on here and the info could be used against me in some cases I guess.

Privacy does have its place.
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Old 10-26-2009, 06:31 AM
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I love this forum. Its been a great source of information for us. I do dislike the lack of privacy that is an issue for me. I think if the Fireplace ( or another part) was more Private (members only) I would be more comfortable sharing other factor in my life, pics and things. I think Forums are generally a great place to meet like minded people and seek support and varying opinions. I also must say I have meet some very important people in my life on forums.
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Old 10-26-2009, 07:00 AM
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Default great thread idea!

I have found community here in the form of good people who are like me in many ways but just different enough to challenge me and to make me willing to want to debate! number one benefit....

This time last year husband and I were waffling all over the place, going through it all alone. While we are 12 years into the poly thing and came into our marriage this way, we never had community EVER! ...until this year. I am so happy my cheeks hurt sometimes. Not only have I found another long lost soul mate and love of my life in Mono, but a community as well, both on here and in my city!

I am truly blessed.

The down side for me is lack of time to be on here. Fortunately I can use my phone to respond a lot of the time, but I do this on work time and that is not really what I should be doing I usually stay up WAAAAAY to late, which is what I am doing right now!

More on the down side? I'm addicted!!!
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Old 10-26-2009, 07:01 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post

More on the down side? I'm addicted!!!
Yes you are! Now get your ass to bed
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Old 10-27-2009, 12:37 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sunshinegrl View Post
I love this forum. Its been a great source of information for us. I do dislike the lack of privacy that is an issue for me. I think if the Fireplace ( or another part) was more Private (members only) I would be more comfortable sharing other factor in my life, pics and things. I think Forums are generally a great place to meet like minded people and seek support and varying opinions. I also must say I have meet some very important people in my life on forums.
It WOULD be cool if there was at least ONE forum on here where ONLY members could talk. I think that would ROCK. Then as we get to know one another we could be a little more frank as a "group". Instead of only in PM's.

I think even possibly limiting it to senior members so the people in that room ARE regulars...
As for me-I don't care who knows about me-and would put my pic up-but I have no good pics of me right now.I have great ones from years back-but recent ones tend to be me in jammies with a baby (nice for us but not to share!).
Just told Maca we needed to fix that. I like bexandben's pic. I would love to something like that where Maca and I were together in my avatar!
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Old 10-27-2009, 12:45 AM
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Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post

I think even possibly limiting it to senior members so the people in that room ARE regulars...
Although I wouldn't want anyone to feel excluded, I think there is something to this. But instead of a senior member's area, perhaps a Family of Trust area. For those of us that have connected beyond the confines of our online personas? It would be so hard to do without offending or seeming elitest.

BTW all the responses on here have been as expected! Thanks to the creators and moderators for providing this space of sharing and keeping us in line when emotions run too hot even for poly people.
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Old 12-20-2009, 09:28 PM
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Dear Mono,

I am a unregular guest on this forum. But I really like reading the stories and questions people write. They remind me that there are more people dealing, experiencing 'deep' feelings and adventures in their relationships. They give me a time to reflect my feelings and I come at ease.
I always really look for your writing. I'm a mono too and my husband isn't and I'm dealing with this in a way that could be improved I suppose. It feels like the trick is that because I really love him and want to live my life with him I have to accept him as he is though this is not how I am. Hmm and really say goodbye to times past when things were different (just the 2 of us and our 2 kids). Live here and now. We 3 have together now 4 kids (3+1) which are wonderful and a great gift to our lives but it made my life far more complicated then I ever imagined. My husband, she and I get emotionally strechted to the limits. Our lives sometimes really sound like a soapstory, one you think is a bit over the edge. I'm a sometimes really jealous and mourn over times past, but these feelings pass and I can be happy and feel fascinatingly blessed by these wonderful people around me.

Anyway thank you.
Estar
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Old 12-21-2009, 04:50 AM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Anyway thank you.
Estar
Wow...you sound like an amazing woman. Thank you for sharing that and you are welcome.

Take care
Peace and love
Mono
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