Online Dating… OKCupid... what a trip. What works for you?

No-one is taking me up on my challenge? Bummer. I am not so uncooth as to actually post some of the really....ahem...unattractive...matches in my area. In my area (within a 50 mile radius) there are 3 pages or less. How many people per page? 10. So, less than 30 matches to my own criteria.

(For some odd reason I think I have been through all this before)

of those 30 matches, only about 4 have answered the questions I mentioned above, in a manner which is condusive to a poly relationship. (1-would you consider dating someone in an open relationship, and 2-would you consider being part of a multiple person relationship)

So now I'm down to 4 to choose from....Of those 4, none are a person which I am PHYSICALLY attracted to. So how do I remedy this situation? Lower my standards? To what? How far does a person lower their standards to find someone to love? Do I now accept people who smoke? How about people who are heavy drinkers? Women who are over 300 lbs? How about drug users? I mean, come on...Where does it all stop?

I'm not lowering my standards. Not one bit. I'm not requiring the women to be runway models, or rich, or perfect in any way. No. I'm asking for women who are under 6'2", weigh under 200 lbs, have shoulder length hair or longer, social drinkers at best, and non-smokers and non-drug users. Within a 50 mile radius. Women who are open to a poly relationship. I wish I could find one who got into martial arts as much as I do. It seems my wife, is the only one within a 50 mile radius of me. I'm so fortunate to have found her 20 years ago. :D

It just goes to prove that she has no equal to me. Depressing? A little. BUT....I keep looking.....it'll make it even more special if I ever find an equal to my wife.
 
No-one is taking me up on my challenge? Bummer. I am not so uncooth as to actually post some of the really....ahem...unattractive...matches in my area. In my area (within a 50 mile radius) there are 3 pages or less. How many people per page? 10. So, less than 30 matches to my own criteria.

(For some odd reason I think I have been through all this before)

of those 30 matches, only about 4 have answered the questions I mentioned above, in a manner which is condusive to a poly relationship. (1-would you consider dating someone in an open relationship, and 2-would you consider being part of a multiple person relationship)

So now I'm down to 4 to choose from....Of those 4, none are a person which I am PHYSICALLY attracted to. So how do I remedy this situation? Lower my standards? To what? How far does a person lower their standards to find someone to love? Do I now accept people who smoke? How about people who are heavy drinkers? Women who are over 300 lbs? How about drug users? I mean, come on...Where does it all stop?

I'm not lowering my standards. Not one bit. I'm not requiring the women to be runway models, or rich, or perfect in any way. No. I'm asking for women who are under 6'2", weigh under 200 lbs, have shoulder length hair or longer, social drinkers at best, and non-smokers and non-drug users. Within a 50 mile radius. Women who are open to a poly relationship. I wish I could find one who got into martial arts as much as I do. It seems my wife, is the only one within a 50 mile radius of me. I'm so fortunate to have found her 20 years ago. :D

It just goes to prove that she has no equal to me. Depressing? A little. BUT....I keep looking.....it'll make it even more special if I ever find an equal to my wife.

Since they aren't in a 50 mile radius of you maybe you should find out where the women are concentrated who do meet all your criteria and move there :p:D (I'm being cheeky)
 
TL said:
I'm asking for women who are under 6'2", weigh under 200 lbs, have shoulder length hair or longer, social drinkers at best, and non-smokers and non-drug users. Within a 50 mile radius. .

You might loosen the under 200 lbs, shoulder length hair requirements. I prefer men who are taller than me, and are physically fit with a good head of red hair, but I've had a blast with short men, overweight men and bald men. Just sayin...

If you're also open to women older than you, many of us look much prettier and younger with a short(ish) sporty hairstyle.
 
What if you start a relationship with someone and she cuts her hair? Do you break up with her? And when her hair grows again, do you get back together? Enquiring minds wanna know.
 
What if you start a relationship with someone and she cuts her hair? Do you break up with her? And when her hair grows again, do you get back together? Enquiring minds wanna know.

Same question about weight gain and loss...
 
Same question about weight gain and loss...

Oh, I'd already figured the answer would be "break up with her if she gains weight, get back together if she loses weight", so I didn't bother to ask that question. We covered it in "Is thin the only sexy?"
 
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What if you start a relationship with someone and she cuts her hair? Do you break up with her? And when her hair grows again, do you get back together? Enquiring minds wanna know.
First, I am attracted to that which I am attracted to. Nothing can change that. My wife has cut her hair shorter (not a boy cut mind you, but shorter) and I didn't like it, but it grows out. I expressed my displeasure, and I was very upset over it. She hasn't done it since because of how much it irritated me. I like women who LOOK like women. Sorry, but to me, a woman does not look like a woman (unless naked) if she has a man's (short) haircut. Shorter than shoulder length is too short IN MY OPINION. ;)

Same question about weight gain and loss...
On weight gain and loss: It all depends. I mean, if the woman gains 100 lbs over the course of a year, and it is simply from being flat out LAZY, then yes...I would break up with her. But if it were to be attributed to a medical condition (such as a thyroid problem) then I would try to keep the relationship going and try to help her to deal and cope with the condition. If she were to loose 100 lbs over the course of a year, I would have her see a doctor immediately. If she were to be found healthy, and she were TRYING to loose the weight, I would be concerned as to WHY she was trying to loose the weight. I mean, even if she were at the upper spectrum of my weight limit (200lbs) and she lost 100 lbs, she might blow away. It has been MY experience that women who are too skinny, are actually PAINFUL to have sex with. (due to myself being pretty thin) So yes, I might break up with her.
Oh, I'd already figured the answer would be "break up with her if she gains weight, get back together if she loses weight", so I didn't bother to ask that question. We covered it in "Is thin the only sexy?"
I don't think I ever said that in that thread. Please don't put words into my mouth and I won't put any in yours. ;)
 
You might loosen the under 200 lbs, shoulder length hair requirements. I prefer men who are taller than me, and are physically fit with a good head of red hair, but I've had a blast with short men, overweight men and bald men. Just sayin...

If you're also open to women older than you, many of us look much prettier and younger with a short(ish) sporty hairstyle.
No, I won't. A woman who is 6' and 200 lbs, looks healthy. (even though "large" or "big boned") They also have a decent amount of meat on their bones. My own wife is 220 and only 5'10". She holds it quite well, and looks VERY sexy. So the 200 lbs is just a figure, and is not, by any means, hard and fast.

The hair length kinda is though. I simply can't STAND when women cut their hair so short it looks like a man's haircut.....Unless they are a lesbian, in which case it makes sense. But the reality, is that I am STILL not attracted to them, and would never consider dating them. It's a personal preference. You have yours, and I have mine. ;)
 
I do have problem understanding the hair cut thing. I mean that means that if you meet someone a few months too early or a day too late you'll just discard her. Plus the pictures might have long hair but she had a haircut since, or show short hair but they're a bit old. So if you base that on the pictures it's not even accurate.
 
I do have problem understanding the hair cut thing. I mean that means that if you meet someone a few months too early or a day too late you'll just discard her. Plus the pictures might have long hair but she had a haircut since, or show short hair but they're a bit old. So if you base that on the pictures it's not even accurate.
Which is why I make sure to keep my pictures very current and when I meet the person in real life, if they don't match their pictures, then they have basically lied to me already, and the "relationship" is dead before it ever started. ;)
 
First, I am attracted to that which I am attracted to. Nothing can change that. My wife has cut her hair shorter (not a boy cut mind you, but shorter) and I didn't like it, but it grows out. I expressed my displeasure, and I was very upset over it. She hasn't done it since because of how much it irritated me. I like women who LOOK like women. Sorry, but to me, a woman does not look like a woman (unless naked) if she has a man's (short) haircut. Shorter than shoulder length is too short IN MY OPINION. ;)

I have short hair (like really short hair) and I haven't ever been told that I don't look like a woman. I dress in a very feminine fashion and have curves in all the right places. If I grow my hair it looks stringy and gross because it's very fine (not thin, I have lots of it covering my scalp). I get that you aren't attracted to woman with short hair but I am kind of offended by the insinuation that by having short hair I look mannish.
 
Which is why I make sure to keep my pictures very current and when I meet the person in real life, if they don't match their pictures, then they have basically lied to me already, and the "relationship" is dead before it ever started. ;)

Well the thing is that hair length is important to you, but a lot of people wouldn't consider that lying. If I'm wearing a shirt I don't own anymore or my old pair of glasses, I won't consider it a lie to put the picture up. For me it's the same about hair. I just make sure the picture can see my face well because I figure that's what matters... Eyes, nose, mouth. Never thought anyone would care about a haircut, to be honest.
 
Well the thing is that hair length is important to you, but a lot of people wouldn't consider that lying.

According to that line of reasoning, I'm the biggest liar of them all. Especially if you count color as part of a hairstyle.

I marvel at the superficiality of T's criteria. It's always refreshing to see a real-life cliché. I also think it's refreshing how T candidly admits to these things, then appears genuinely perplexed by why it's so hard to find people online worth pursuing a relationship with.
 
And yet, no-one can STILL meet my challenge. All every one seems to be able to do, is shift blame. Come on, lets compare apples to apples here. The only difference, is women, to men, and locations.



So, you girls are saying that you will date ANYONE? No matter WHAT the physical attraction (or lack thereof) to that person? Maybe it's just me, but I prefer to be physically attracted to a person first. I mean, if I plan to sleep wih this person, I NEED to be physically attracted to this person, or it simply doesn't work.
 
So, you girls are saying that you will date ANYONE?

No, I'm pretty sure several people have said before that it's hard for women to find men to date. I don't really understand how your point works, you started by saying "men have it harder because women are so picky" but then you switched to "look, it's hard for men because nobody meets my criteria". And it doesn't sound, well, a bit contradictory to you? If women are picky, you are too and you're a guy, so you're not any different.

Women might get more messages, but often it's from guys who aren't actually interested in them, or wouldn't be if they actually read their profile. It's not fair to blame women for having to do an extra selecting because people didn't bother to read their profile.
 
So, you girls are saying that you will date ANYONE? No matter WHAT the physical attraction (or lack thereof) to that person? Maybe it's just me, but I prefer to be physically attracted to a person first. I mean, if I plan to sleep wih this person, I NEED to be physically attracted to this person, or it simply doesn't work.

I don't think anyone is saying that they would date anyone but I find that my attraction to someone grows (or wanes) as I get to know them. I don't have a list of "must have" attibutes tucked away in my head. The whole person is more than a sum of their parts.
 
I'm not "meeting your challenge" because I don't waste my time joining OKCupid in order to "meet" someone's "challenge", which I'm not sure I even understand and/or disagree with.

I'm not part of that so-called "challenge". I'm just part of a lively discussion here.
 
However, I don't rule out a relationship based on the length of someone's hair. I look at whether the hair is clean or not, sure, but I'm a little less superficial when it comes to things like color and length (that's like women who say they won't date a bald man. what if you fall in love with him when he has hair, THEN he goes bald? Don't you still love him? Get him a toupee, and love the toupee. See if the toupee is a good listener and a good lay).. So, no, I wouldn't date just ANYONE, but I don't look for a specific set of physical criteria and sit there with a check-list ruling people out because they don't match perfectly. That is, if I were so inclined to be "dating people", of course. I don't consider myself to be actively "looking", but if I were that is.
 
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TL, you're in love with/married to a woman who is 210 lbs, but looking for women under 200? Why?
 
TL, you're in love with/married to a woman who is 210 lbs, but looking for women under 200? Why?
I see what you're trying to do there. ;)



But because I play games too, I'll entertain. When I started seeing my wife, she weighed less than she does now. Then, she had our daughter....and gained weight with that. She never lost the weight. Not much...Only about 20 lbs.

Try to get this through your heads ladies, I said my criteria are NOT hard and fast numbers, but are general rules/areas/criteria. I may become attracted to a woman who weighs more than 200lbs. (It happened recently in fact. She had BEAUTIFUL eyes) But GENERALLY speaking, I am not attracted to women who are over certain weights, in proportion to their bodies.

As I said before, I like what I like. I don't try to push my likes (or dislikes) upon anyone else. They like what they like....and no amount of me telling them about the pleasures of X Y or Z, will change their minds on it. I know people who are REALLY into foot worshiping. It's not MY thing, but who am I to tell them that they are "wrong" for it? My wife likes to be tied up and restrained. I don't like to do that to her. I do it every now and then because she likes it. But only like once every 5 or 6 months. She likes what she likes. Not MY thing, but not really "wrong" either.

So, don't tell me that I need to "ease up" on my "criteria". I like what I like. They are my personal standards. I can DEFINATLY have a friendship with a woman who is heavier than 200 lbs...or even with a woman who is 120lbs. But I probably wouldn't be physically attracted to either one of them, and therefore probably wouldn't want to date either of them. But, as I have said before; my criteria are somewhat flexible, and I might find myself falling for either or even both. Who knows.
 
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