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Old 09-17-2009, 11:08 PM
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River River is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: NM, USA
Posts: 3,381

Originally Posted by sweetie View Post
He says he doesn't feel like I'm being unfair, and maybe I'm just worried the day will come when he feels differently. Something we will have to deal with if and when the time comes. No point in borrowing trouble when you're already in debt.
Nicely put, regards possible future worries that aren't really in your lap at the very moment.

But the truth is that he's not the only one in the grouping that may change in the future. You, yourself, might find that you're not half as monogamous as you thought (think) you were (are). You may fall head-over-heals for another guy (gal). Who knows what the future brings? We're all changing in various ways, all the time.

What you need to do is ride the waves of change in a way that respects yourself, the people you love, and who and/or what each is unfolding into, becoming. Nature demands and imposes constraints and limits, so there's no reason you cannot, yourself, quite reasonably. Polyfidelity is one form of constraint that shares much in common with monogamy, but isn't monogamous. It's a perfectly valid thing to create, if so desired by those who create it. But one or several members could change over time. Will you be flexible enough not to break when nature asks for a change? Can you ride the wave you're on in just this moment, and let the future take care of itself? Are these two in conflict? Can firm commitments be altered smoothly when the time comes for the need of that? I think so. Where there is love.

As president Obama says, "Yes, we can!"
male, bisexual & biamorous
1 long term male partner of many years.
open to possibilities.
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