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Old 03-18-2012, 09:33 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

Can you fix that quote? It's a little confusing. Just put this: [/QUOTE] after my words "with other people as well." Then put this: [QUOTE=nycindie;129257] just before "Now you are getting ahead of yourself..." Don't change anything else. You have 12 hours to edit a post.

Originally Posted by matellas View Post
As for the urgency I think its because...
You think this is it, but that means you don't know. You can't go forward operating on assumptions. Ask her what is going on in her head and why she's in such a rush. Is she giving you an ultimatum? Remember that you don't have to accept her proposal. You can tell her poly is not for you. Or you find a way to work it out.

You might find it helpful to print out two of the following documents, on "Creating Authentic Relationship," "Open Relationship Checklist," "Reflecting on Change [in Relationships]," and "[Poly] Self Evaluation." These are from Tristan Taormino's website. Both of you can fill them in individually and discuss your answers together:

Free worksheets (pdf) from Tristanís Book Opening Up
Click on each link to open a PDF.

Originally Posted by matellas View Post
Actually as far as I know from what she has told me he has no idea that she is thinking this. I'm sure he has assumptions but nothing has been discussed.
Maybe he won't even be interested in dating someone who already has a partner. It would seem that the key for all of you in this whole situation is clear, direct, honest communication! If you do choose to consent to polyamory in your relationship, I would then talk to him ASAP.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

Click here for a Solo Poly view on hierarchical relationships
Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.

Last edited by nycindie; 03-18-2012 at 09:39 PM.
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