Monogamous People Question

onoma

New member
Really can't think of a good title for this that wouldn't be really long...

Anyway, once in a while I see a monagamous person posting, or a person who is poly but with a monagamous person who allows it and my question is directed at you guys. :)

What made you (or your monagamous partner) decide to allow an open relationship?
 
There was no "allow" involved in my mono guy being mono and me being poly. There was only a terminology change when we learned the word.
My boyfriend has been mono his whole life. We met when he was 17. I refused to be his girlfriend early on saying I thought he needed to experience life and I wasn't interested in settling down blah blah blah.

He dated for a few years. But eventually we became lovers (I still refused a commitment). It was 17 years in that I finally agreed to a commitment that included him accepting that I am poly.
But-that's 17 years of loving me for who I am and accepting me for who I am before I agreed to make a commitment beyond him being my best friend with frequent benefits.
In all of those years, there was never a time I wasn't with someone else.

So-really, it was as simple as "this is who the woman I love is-and I love her." Nothing more and nothing less than simple acceptance.
 
after more than ten years together, ... long story made short... I had an emotonal breakdown and my supressed transgender issues surfaced... I am female bodied, bigendered (my self awareness switches between male and female) and dissociative.. (I don't remember everything that happens after the switching happens). I am attracted to women not men.
 
I'm 3 months into my relationship. I was adamant about being mono in the beginning and not dating anyone poly. However, that was the only way I knew to relate. Being mono was unchallenged before then, even though I was quite convinced that I am/was.

My partner is in established relationships with 2 OSO's. What amazed me was his ability to be fully present with me even when he was in the midst of everyone. I had never had someone be so focused and clear in all of my monogamous dealings.

The other thing that I questioned was the root of my needing monogamy. Did I really think that someone only had enough love for one person?

I believe (or thought I believed) in an abundant, unlimited Universe, full of all the resources that I desire. That includes love. There is no cap on it. It just flows. To me, I was paying lip service to that belief. This relationship is forcing me to live it. I experiment with my life so this is a great thing. I'm even considering being poly myself.
 
I was miserable and my husband knew it. He loves me and wants me to be happy and vice versa.

My boyfriend fell hard for me and decided I was worth having in his life.
 
Because L realised I was poly and exploring something with TG was something I had to do, but would only proceed with his blessing.

Our relationship has strengthened through the vee dynamic and he has said he would not go back to me being mono to him even if he had the option. He is mono to me but this might change if he meets someone special.

TG is mono to me out of choice as he will always be mono at heart, and he knew L was on the scene before anything ever happened with us. He feels strongly enough for me that he would rather share me forever/as long as we last, than not have me at all because of traditional social expectations.

I am poly, but I willingly choose to be closed/mono x2, to just my guys. It works and we're all happy. Spent the day just hanging out watching films and made homemade pizza. Currently laid across L on the sofa typing this whilst TG shows L one of the Naruto storm games. It's memories like this I will cherish, and that L was willing to take a chance on letting TG in to our strange little family
 
Well this doesn't exactly pertain to me but my lover is married and she is monogamous...she has no desire to look elsewhere. Of course if I was married to my lover, I might not be looking elsewhere either b/c we'd be having sex a few times a day & wouldn't have time for anyone else :p

People are shocked when I tell them about my relationship...not b/c it unconventional but b/c the wife allows it. She's a very open-minded person apparently & understands her husbands sexual/companionship needs. He'd never leave her & I think she is secure in knowing that he loves her even if he loves another. I honestly don't know if as the wife, I could handle my husband being with another woman. Then again, I know I have some emotional damage from my upbringing & a few relationships nor have I found a relationship with unconditional love that would allow for this.
 
I call it "monoamorous" rather than "monogamous" because while the partner wants to love only one at a time, they are willing to be in a relationship structure that is not monogamous shape.

There's isn't any "allow" -- there is "willing to be in relationship."

The first time around? That was how it was. I was not exclusive and stated as much up front. He knew what he was getting. So did BF2. They were there because they wanted to be with me and this is what it was here.

I married BF1. And today? It would be the same. The agreement has always been "Give me the heads up, we'll talk and see what we see."

Boundaries and agreements would need some revision to handle things like "time management" and more if still willing to be in relationship with me.

But he knows what he has here. He loves me like I am. I love him how he is.

Galagirl
 
For my wife, it was mostly that she knew she loved me (as a poly) and didn't want to throw away everything we had even though I fell in love with other people. It's a hard row to hoe sometimes. In exchange for her acceptance, I have to place limits on myself. But she's worth it, just as she feels I am. IMO, if you can't work together to solve a few problems now and then, it's not really "love".
 
What made you (or your monagamous partner) decide to allow an open relationship?

No opening of a pre-existing relationship in my case; I knew it was going to be a Poly relationship from the start. Figured a relationship with my good friend, now partner would be worth the difficulties. I was right. :)
 
MonoM-polyF hard times

It isn't as easy as some people try to make it sound. Although I was completely open about being poly from day one.. we still hit a few snags and still do. My primary partner is mono. We have been together for 5 years. My other partner (also 5 years) is poly. I also have relationships with men other than these. So.. the hardest part was my primary partner feeling loved. We just keep communicating and it has gotten alot better. He has found things to do when I spend time with my other partner(s) and knows I am safe because he always knows where I am. We had to work very hard on the trust part. But, I listen!!! He does have a say in what men we bring into our "circle". He has shared me with other men and that helped to ease his worries. He didn't "lose" me.. he enjoyed being included and seeing me happy. It made us both happy.
 
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