View Single Post
  #2  
Old 08-31-2011, 01:35 PM
AnnabelMore's Avatar
AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 2,285
Default

Hi Country, you've come with a great set of questions! Often, people try to do what you're doing and then come here for advice after there are big problems. Seeking more perspectives first is a good instinct.

In your situation, I would say the biggest thing to consider is that love is a tricky beast. It doesn't always do what you expect. Once you've let someone into your heart, and they've done the same, the results can be unpredictable. Moreso with more people. For instance, what if you find a bi woman... and as time goes on she falls deeply in love with you and vice versa, yet only feels friendship with your husband. Could you two deal with this? Would he be jealous and sad because it wasn't what he expected?

What if your new partner wanted to have outside relationships too, would that be a dealbreaker? If so, why?

The website xeromag.com is an amazing resource for common poly questions/issues.
http://www.xeromag.com/fvpolymistakes.html <-- Check out especially the bit under the header "Don't try to force your relationships to fit a predefined mold"

http://www.xeromag.com/fvpolydatingcouple.html <-- This may help you think things through from a potential third's perspective.

Obviously everyone has to start somewhere, but if you can, find someone who's been in a poly relationship or two before, they'll be more likely to have a realistic view of what they're getting into. And for goodness's sake, whoever you find make sure that she's mature, responsible, and has her issues under control. You may find someone you like a lot, feel giddy that you found what you want, then go too fast too quickly and invite her to live with you. Then, suddenly, a few months later you realize that there's this virtual stranger in your lives and in your hearts, and nothing is as simple to any of you as it seemed at the start. Go slow, spend lots of time dating your potential(s) first.

Good luck!!
__________________
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.

Last edited by AnnabelMore; 08-31-2011 at 01:37 PM.
Reply With Quote