Redpepper's journey

The sexual boundaries workshop went well at poly camp. I need to wrap my head around some stuff, as a result, as it seemed that some people didn't get it, or maybe they had really good boundaries ;) The meditation was on creating a sexual experience that is comfortable and completely fashioned around one's own fantasy. Then, in the art, there is a chance to express what that felt like and what came up in terms of emotions and feelings in the body. I think everyone got something out of it. But most of the people there were not the ones that perhaps needed to look at their sexual boundaries as much. It kind of felt like preaching to the converted. :p

Life ticks on here and everyone is doing fine. PN is going on a weeklong meditation retreat this week, so it's just Mono, LB and me. I'm looking forward to that, but will miss my PN. He is good to me in so many ways. I will miss that.

I have seen Derby a few times in the last weeks, mostly for coffee dates, once to work the door at a burlesque show. She was at camp last week and has been busy, as have I. Still, we talk every day and are getting along well.

Leo and I won't see each other for a few more weeks. 6 weeks in between dates! Too long, but at least we will be camping again between now and then, both our families, that is. We chat every day and have worked out how to approach each other online when we start to get confused and read in to to things.

I have another burlesque show coming up early September. This time I will be doing a D/s inspired number. I was hoping to get a local sub boy to help me out, but that isn't going to work for him. Too bad, he would've been perfect! I have a burlesque friend going to help me instead. She will be good. I think, but he really inspires me to make him submit. I don't know how I will be inspired by her. I guess I'll see.
 
PN is away and I am now aware that he creates most of the dishes. He is an excellent supporter of my not being a morning person; I miss the coffee in bed. :( I feel like something is missing and finding it hard to keep up with things.

I realized today that I am almost completely fulfilled. What the hell am I still doing here? I don't even think about poly, most of the time. I just live it. I am sick of the word, actually. Mono-poly-whatever. It's all just a term to describe what kind of relationship dynamic one is in at the moment. I have come to learn that most of the time it's just a flash in the pan. Most people are just finding where they belong, getting laid by whatever means necessary, and trying to grasp on to some kind of control over all of that. In ten years they will be doing the same but will be doing it with others and in a totally different way. Maybe with basket weaving.

Why do people pick on basket weaving for these kind of things? Sorry, basket weavers.
 
I miss the coffee in bed

My husband also brings coffee to me in the mornings and it isn't until it doesn't appear that I really appreciate what a wonderful little thing it is.

What the hell am I still doing here?

We need your wonderful insight on interpersonal relationships.

I am sick of the word actually. Mono-poly-whatever. It's all just a term to describe what kind of relationship dynamic one is in at the moment.

Agreed.

Why do people pick on basket weaving for these kind of things?

Growing up, it was always "underwater basket weaving.":p
 
My husband also brings coffee into me in the mornings and it isn't until it doesn't appear that I really appreciate what a wonderful little thing it is.

Into you? Ouch!

RP, I love hearing from you. I would miss you if you left, and I'm sure many others would too. I don't see this as a place where you have to have problems to go. I see it as a community of people who share something that's an important part of their lives and are there for one another.
 
I realized today that I am most completely fulfilled. What the hell am I still doing here? I don't even think about poly most of the time. I just live it. I am sick of the word actually. Mono-poly-whatever.... its all just a term to describe what kind of relationship dynamic one is in at the moment. I have come to learn that most of the time its just a flash in the pan. Most people are just finding where they belong, getting laid by whatever means necessary and trying to grasp on to some kind of control over all of that. In ten years they will be doing the same but will be doing it with others and in a totally different way. Maybe with basket weaving.

I have to admit, I got a little tired of reading the new to poly section for a bit. So sad. So much hurt.

It also may have been the reason behind the recent "practicing" addition to my signature. :p
 
RP, you mentioned somewhere that you are/were feeling compassion fatigue. I get that, as well. That is why I get on here for a while and then pull away from time to time. It seems there will always be a revolving door of people passing in and out of these forums looking for advice and help. You don't have to help all of them, or even any of them. You don't have to do anything. Have a break if you want, or just post where and when you feel like it. Maybe take a break from moderating?

I agree with Tonberry, this is a community and you may need a break. But hopefully you can participate freely and just enjoy it, when and however you choose to. The forum just wouldn't be the same if you gave it up completely.

Hugs,
Sage
 
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Interesting card today.
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So, I just FOUND my blog amongst all the others, reading along the way and have now run out of time to post! Damn. So much to say too. I will have to get on it later.

It's been so hard to get here lately!
 
Okay, a bit of an update.

I'm sitting by the fire on the last day of camping before summer ends. Tomorrow Leo and his family arrive. Just as summer started, so it ends, with camping and our two families. The sex I could've had with Leo is not worth the satisfaction of knowing that this routine is likely going to continue. :) It makes me feel very happy that I made that choice for now and I am not in the least bit regretful. I have enough.

I have been chatting with Leo's wife a bit lately. She agreed to look after my guinea pig when we went to poly camp this month, and I got a chance to hang with her and our kids a bit as a result. She is much like me. No big surprise there. In all the good ways, of course :p. The only big difference is she doesn't do much. I realized just how important these camping trips are to her and the family, as they really only spent time outside of their family twice this summer, one swinger's party and hanging with us. That's it. I have been glad to gain some one-in-one trust as a result of spending time bonding over my guinea pig.

There were two poly camps this summer that I was part of. One I didn't actually stay at, as I was saving for the latter and something told me it might not be a good idea. As it turned out, my gut was right. Instead I spend time helping others debrief afterwards, as it turned out to be more of a nude-sexy-camp than the all-inclusive camp it was advertised as. It has meant that next year in our area there will be two camps; poly family camp and an adult camp, on top of the friends' camp I organize for friends and non-mono people to hang out at.

I decided to be on the committee for the family camp. I was asked and agreed. I'm looking forward to finding interesting ways to make sure children and adults alike have a good time.

Poly camp in Washington state was awesome! I met some really great people and got to see how a camp can incorporate all needs and interests under the poly umbrella. I loved that I could escape family responsibility and do workshops on burlesque and safer sex, all away from the main camp, yet still feeling as if there was a connection. We will definitely be there again next year! I offered to do a workshop again.

When we got home, we were given the pleasure of Mono's apartment being flooded. A whole weekend of a hot water tank leaking. What a mess! At first Mono decided he would handle it all himself. It became clear pretty fast that it was a bigger issue than he first thought.

Just before he moved in last year, the other heater flooded. (We have two: one for the apartment and the other for PN's half of the house.) We spent an evening mopping it up with towels and then spin drying them in the washer. The hand Bissel I bought to clean furniture when LB was a baby meant we could suck up the water. Water wrecked some of the floor but after we dried it, it seemed okay, so we left it. This time it spread throughout and we had to have the insurance company come in and rip it all out; floor, doors, kitchen cabinets, bathroom cabinets. We had no idea that by leaving it last time mold had grown underneath the floor! It all had to go.

Now Mono is on the couch in our part of the house. He will likely be there for awhile. Arranging for him to have time to himself and for PN to have time to himself has been an effort. I have had none. I don't have a bedroom either, as its blocked off, just as Mono's is. I MISS IT! We are managing, but it's tight quarters. It could've been so much worse, but we make do.

More bonding. Nothing like bonding over tragedy. I might have to escape to the van again. ;)
 
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Oh the mold:eek:! My sympathies.

I remember when my brother's place sprung a leak, they had to live in their condo, in the middle of summer with all the heaters and super fans blowing hot air trying to dry everything out. It took a week before the heaters were turned off. They basically locked themselves in the bedroom (which had a window and no damaged floor).
 
Ran out of steam last night. Here I am again.

I'm wrapped in the scarf Derby made me by the fire this morning. Mmm. Cozy. :)Tthe Bailey's in my coffee is helping. Some things are a tradition while camping. Bailey's in morning coffee and a competition to make the best marshmallow; brown, puffy and melted right through. Or making as many layers come off the marshmallow as we can. Cheap beer is the other thing, although having just been to Washington state from British Columbia, nothing here is cheap!

We had a great pub night this week. There has been a bit of unrest in the community over the camp this summer and I feared it would continue to events there in. If it did, I didn't notice. There seems to be more of an agreement to go about doing our thing and leaving others to do their things. We are such a diverse community, I'm glad that there is a bit of letting go in terms of management of events. We had a growing pain this summer and I think we are coming out of it with better understanding, more acceptance and a better appreciation. Communication, giving space and letting things go seems to have helped. I'm thankful that people were willing to engage in that process.

I've enjoyed more family time with Derby and our family. I absolutely adore her kiddies. They are such characters! I love how their minds work and what they come up with. As they grow older, I am noticing that they are a bit more compatible with my boy. LB is an only child and used to an adult world and communication, not to mention a little over a year older. He doesn't understand, nor want to, what it's like to have a sibling or what its like to "run in a pack" like other kids. He is also got his little quirks that make him LB. One of them is that he prefers to observe.

At poly camp, LB sat and watched the other kids. Many knew each other and were actively involved in the dynamic they were already part of. At one point, we had a long conversation about the kids there and how they were similar to him in terms of the families they were growing up with. I am hoping that he will feel a sense of communty amongst his peers.

One "child" who was in her early 20s had been to camp for years and had grown up in the poly community. She knew nothing different and had a lot of information for us parents who were wondering how to make their kids' lives better. I asked if next year she would do a workshop so that parents could ask questions and could hear about her experiences. I found it interesting that her number one recommendation was to not hide relationships from kids; honesty and openness is key to normalizing for kids.

What's up for fall? A family BBQ is coming up. I'll be singing a solo in my choir a couple of times. There are three burlesque events (to one I am adding a BDSM theme). The women's group is meeting every month again. Then, mushroom season!

I'm not sure what to do about Halloween. Someone is hosting a poly/swinger/sex-positive event, but I don't know if we will be invited and I don't know if we will go. I'm wondering if I would end up going alone or doing something else. I'm letting it unfold at the moment. I'm hoping to gain more clarity on what the event is before deciding if I would accept an invite. Last year we went (not Mono, he didn't like the idea of it) to a swinger event that my friend put on, but this year it's not working out for her to do another.

Swinger events are different than poly sex-positive events. They seem to be far more couple-centric. Swingers aren't big on singles coming to events, especially men. Poly sex events are mostly about single polys, in terms of approach (single meaning the reverse of poly-fi, attached but not closed). I would imagine it would create a different atmosphere. I bet there are still creepy advances that are inappropriate, yet a sense of community that doesn't necessarily occur with swinger events, other than people who attend regularly and who are like-minded, in that they like sport sex. I dunno, just talking at this point. I know nothing and I fully admit that.

Wow, from family to sex. Nice! :)

Back to edit the post I wrote last night, as I never got to it.
 
LB will get the benefit of sisters, without having to live with them 24/7:), much better arrangement sometimes. He will probably turn out to be their most avid protector.
 
I also have one child...and he is very used to communicating on a very adult level. He is very emotionally mature for his age as a result of being an only child. He turned 11 yesterday.
And during the past weeks, I have been conversing with him about my love coming to stay with us, and that at some point in time that may actually mean he may need to share his bedroom with my love's son.

I asked my son how he may feel about sharing his space and room.

"Well, it's not my ideal mum...but of course I will work it out, I can see this is important and special"

And it reminds me to never underestimate children.

I once asked my son "who is you best friend?" He listed 3 children...and followed it up with "Best does not mean one mum...they are all best"

Children have special powers !
 
I have offered Mono my room for this time. Its going to be a long while before he has a life in his apartment again. Things are moving REALLY slowly. We had a date night last night, but its not the same with PN and LB being in the same house! We went to a movie, but we need alone time! Bah! Its going to drive us crazy pretty soon. All of us. So far, we are getting along great, but I would rather make a move before we don't get along. Time to change it up again.
 
I have offered Mono my room for this time. Its going to be a long while before he has a life in his apartment again. Things are moving REALLY slowly. We had a date night last night but its not the same with PN and LB being in the same house! We went to a movie but we need alone time! Bah! Its going to drive us crazy pretty soon. All of us. So far we are getting along great, but I would rather make a move before we don't get along. Time to change it up again.

Yes, we have had to master the art of very quiet sex. As well, just up and leaving when one couple or the other wants alone time (not necessarily sexual) and being comfortable taking that. We also all have a policy of asking for our personal alone time when needed, like if we want the house to our own self. We don't need that option too often, but it's nice to know we're not offending anyone by asking the other two to bugger off for a bit.

It's been interesting ... The two bedrooms have now become "Mr. A's room" and "Indi- I mean the other room". Even Indigo has said "his" room a couple of times.

If you want to chat, feel free to PM. I know you've been doing this a lot longer, but we've got much closer quarters than you had!

*hug*
 
Yes, we have had to master the art of very quiet sex.

How? How? I need to know how to be quiet! That is something I could never do. I don't know why, but I just can't be quiet. In fact, I have had neighbors complain to the super and my landlord about the noise coming from my apartment -- once when I was married (I bought that neighbor earplugs and left it in front of his door, the bastard!), and once recently. Oy, it was really embarrassing to find a very polite note from my super asking me to be quiet. What could I do? Once, in my early twenties, my sister was at college and talking to a classmate, and it turns out he knew an old boyfriend of mine. The guy said to her, "Oh, your sister is The Screamer!!!???" She was mortified.
 
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