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Old 01-04-2010, 11:51 AM
dakid dakid is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 191

crisare - i would tend to call a lover someone that i go on dates with and hang out with at times other then just when we are having sex.

however, having thought about it a bit since reading your question i am now thinking that actually a fuck-buddy probably is a form of lover, as is a partner. fuck-buddy describes a very specific type of lover though, someone i only spend time with having sex not generally hanging out with or dating.

i tend not to call a fuck-buddy a lover because it is too vague and as i say it tends (over here in the UK) to be understood as someone you are dating etc.

my perception on these boards (correct me if i'm wrong people!) is that lover tends to be used to mean at least someone you may fall in love with if not someone you are in love with already. i always knew i was never likely to fall in love with guy, for reasons i am reluctant to go into here, and i certainly never have done. but as i have described i do care about him and i personally call that love. "in love" for me is a more romantic, loving every part of them, kinda thing. whereas love is a very broad thing encompassing the love i have for my friends, sisters, dog, etc.

for me the best comparison really is the love i feel for my close friends, i would prefer to use a phrase that links him to them than to my lover-partners, with whom i am truly madly deeply in love in a quite different way.

that's just me, i have no need for others to replicate my way of thinking, only to respect our differences.

let me know if you need further clarification i am only too aware of the limitations of language, especially across cultures and nation-states.

i am curious now to ask you - would you feel there is a difference for you between a partner and a lover, as you use these words? if so what is that difference for you?

i think for me a partner is another form of lover, but again quite a specific kind, but i am curious to read your thoughts on it.

also i am quite curious about your thinking about fuck-buddies, and your own experiences.

how do you manage to have regular sex with somebody without developing any level of love for that person?

seeing them regularly, possibly talking with them about your sexual desires/boundaries, sharing time and touch with them, on a regular basis, but never feeling any love for them of any kind. at least that's the picture i am forming of fuck-buddies relationships for you, please do tell me if i am wrong. i ask not in judgement or as criticism but because for me that would be very difficult and so i am simply curious how it works.

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