Serendipity22
New member
A quick intro - I am 38, married to a wonderful man for almost five years (Skater21 on this forum) and we've been involved in poly for about a year and a half.
How we started out in poly is a long story... to cut to the chase, we decided to try poly when I fell in love with a poly man who I had met online while working for a non-profit organization (we were both on the board of directors). For the most part the relationship was via the internet using Skype, although I did take one trip to visit my long-distance guy for a few days. About four months after my visit, I discovered that he hadn't been honest with me about his marital status, and we ended our relationship.
Once that was over, hubby and I were happy to just enjoy our relationship with each other. We didn't really look for anyone else.
Then we threw a Superbowl Party and had tons of people show up, some of whom I'd never met before. One of them was a woman (I'll call her CP) who was a friend of a friend, and we felt an instant crazy-strong connection to each other.
I've always considered myself straight. I'd never met a woman who I was attracted to until that night - and it was quite extraordinary to me. I talked to Skater about it after the party and he encouraged me to pursue her if I wanted to. So I spent the next several weeks getting to know her a bit, and finally opened up to her about my attraction and about being poly.
She admitted to being very attracted to me too, and Skater, and we ended up all dating and falling in love and forming a polyfidelitous triad. It's been an experience, to say the least. A wonderful, crazy, soul-searching experience. We all live together now, and the love is great and we work through issues when they pop up, and for the most part it couldn't be better.
I've kind of run into some blips with my sexuality though. I had some childhood abuse and trauma that I've had to deal with and address throughout my life, so sometimes it's a process for me to sort through my feelings to figure out what's really going on in my head and heart.
Before CP came along, our sex life was great. Satisfying, frequent, interesting, all of that. When we first formed our relationship with her, it was that way too. But for the past little while, my desire for sex has waned. It's like my connection to my sensual self has become muted. I've been driving myself crazy trying to figure out why so I can fix it. It's been causing some anxiousness with my loves too.
CP and I spend a lot of time together as friends. We enjoy hanging out and doing a lot of the same things and having deep discussions about life and the universe. But we hardly ever have any sexual intimacy when it's just the two of us. It's my fault, I know she would like more. I seem to have a hard time switching from friend-mode to lover-mode with her.
I don't really know what to do at this point. I worry that maybe the NRE has worn off and I'm too straight to keep the excitement there with a woman. I worry that it might have something to do with me coming to terms with being bi. Or whatever you'd call me now. I've never had a problem with other people having a different sexual orientation than hetero, but I've always thought of myself as straight before.
I'm probably worrying too much, but I'm getting frustrated, my loves are getting frustrated, and I don't want to lose this awesome triad relationship. I want to make it work. I just don't know what to do.
I've seen some great advice given to people on this forum, I would appreciate any help I can get! Thanks!
How we started out in poly is a long story... to cut to the chase, we decided to try poly when I fell in love with a poly man who I had met online while working for a non-profit organization (we were both on the board of directors). For the most part the relationship was via the internet using Skype, although I did take one trip to visit my long-distance guy for a few days. About four months after my visit, I discovered that he hadn't been honest with me about his marital status, and we ended our relationship.
Once that was over, hubby and I were happy to just enjoy our relationship with each other. We didn't really look for anyone else.
Then we threw a Superbowl Party and had tons of people show up, some of whom I'd never met before. One of them was a woman (I'll call her CP) who was a friend of a friend, and we felt an instant crazy-strong connection to each other.
I've always considered myself straight. I'd never met a woman who I was attracted to until that night - and it was quite extraordinary to me. I talked to Skater about it after the party and he encouraged me to pursue her if I wanted to. So I spent the next several weeks getting to know her a bit, and finally opened up to her about my attraction and about being poly.
She admitted to being very attracted to me too, and Skater, and we ended up all dating and falling in love and forming a polyfidelitous triad. It's been an experience, to say the least. A wonderful, crazy, soul-searching experience. We all live together now, and the love is great and we work through issues when they pop up, and for the most part it couldn't be better.
I've kind of run into some blips with my sexuality though. I had some childhood abuse and trauma that I've had to deal with and address throughout my life, so sometimes it's a process for me to sort through my feelings to figure out what's really going on in my head and heart.
Before CP came along, our sex life was great. Satisfying, frequent, interesting, all of that. When we first formed our relationship with her, it was that way too. But for the past little while, my desire for sex has waned. It's like my connection to my sensual self has become muted. I've been driving myself crazy trying to figure out why so I can fix it. It's been causing some anxiousness with my loves too.
CP and I spend a lot of time together as friends. We enjoy hanging out and doing a lot of the same things and having deep discussions about life and the universe. But we hardly ever have any sexual intimacy when it's just the two of us. It's my fault, I know she would like more. I seem to have a hard time switching from friend-mode to lover-mode with her.
I don't really know what to do at this point. I worry that maybe the NRE has worn off and I'm too straight to keep the excitement there with a woman. I worry that it might have something to do with me coming to terms with being bi. Or whatever you'd call me now. I've never had a problem with other people having a different sexual orientation than hetero, but I've always thought of myself as straight before.
I'm probably worrying too much, but I'm getting frustrated, my loves are getting frustrated, and I don't want to lose this awesome triad relationship. I want to make it work. I just don't know what to do.
I've seen some great advice given to people on this forum, I would appreciate any help I can get! Thanks!
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