itsmedylan
New member
I'm not much of a newbie to polyamory the ideas or the desire of it. It wasn't to me a choice at all. I just knew it worked for me. I mean it's pretty obvious in preschool when I played house. I had 10 girlfriends, but most people thought I was being silly. Deep down I am serious bout it, I found out more how it was much stronger than just a need or a want of the type of relationship. It's a way of life, something I truly needed. I enjoyed groups being around friends had my best memories and been much more happy with more than just one person in any situations. Not just dating someone I enjoyed being a a girl I dated and her friends even if I wasn't interested in them the fact it was a group thing was cool to me. I'm very well intelligent bout many types of relationships. I just struggle even with open and happy of the type of love I feel is right for me, and my orientation, it's hard to find anyone by my because I am very young at 20 to know bout this, but who cares. I knew it worked, I tried mono relationships, they all failed because of the other person. I never cheated was quite respectful of myself and them. I just was myself and myself alone. I lost one relationship for making mistakes talking bout it. I really cared, for this girl, but even if I wanted another female in and she didn't I didn't ever break her trust. I didn't cheat, I didn't want to disrespect her, because I was a true friend to me at least. The thing is, I've never met any other female that thought like I did. I knew bout this all my life, had recently come to terms with it, now struggling being the odd man out. It's not just being poly, but the fact I was ridiculed by a lesbian who I didn't know who brought it up. I love the gay community and accept anyone so this wasn't bout her at all, just her ignorance on it, that I have to be gay myself to be poly amorous is very untrue. So I can't be straight and be poly amorous to bi girl triad is that never possible? Then she went on saying I have to have another guy, which I don't want to get personal why I know it doesn't work. It's nothing bad either, I know it just doesn't work I told her that for me then she says, "well you are hopeless and you'll just to be stuck being mono and straight." I feel horrible every time someone says that to me, it's like my feelings of being who I want to be is not valid because it's not normal to anyone where I live or close to gay or straight. I've received a lot of flac being straight and poly. I'm nothing like anything they've told me, I'm not a sex addict, I enjoy it a lot, but doesn't mean poly life is sex addiction that's completely untrue. Sex addiction by definition is using sex in a harmful way to self and others for the sake of the pleasure of sex as a coping mechanism. Sex isn't evil or bad, just can get very harmful when used incorrectly and especially projected onto others. I've know what I need is two female triad maybe 3 at the most. I am open to either or, I really want true friendships. I don't mind how it grows, I don't mind. I treat a poly relationship like I had with a mono, except now I can be comfortable truly just being me. It's not a choice to me, it's how I wanted it since the beginning. I have no problem with the jealousy. I get mad or jealous from stupid stuff like people being dishonest not communicating and things I suffered a lot in a mono relationship. I don't want a poly relationship to be a way for me to have one and have one girl rat the other. That's impractical and stupid as well. I mean I think you get what I am saying, I just have not met any community ever where I live in my tristate. Most of them are much older than me and it's very very small. I feel really out of place. I just hope to find it ever. I won't stop till I do. I don't know what do you guys think?