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Old 11-05-2010, 09:54 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 5,510

I flat out told him.
But it was after I'd had an affair.

I HAD explained my understanding of love to him-which is different than his MANY TIMES prior to that.
He already KNEW I was in love with GG before this came to a head.

I think my way SUCKED.

Ironically-in going through old letters (from 1992 to current) that GG saved, I was talking ABOUT this lifestyle from that point on. But I didn't know what it was called. I thought there was something wrong with me.

I went into a LOT of detail explaining to GG that I just couldn't be his woman BECAUSE I "knew" he would want a wife, family, white picket fence and I knew I just could NOT commit to that.

I figured out I was bi in 1992 or 1993. I'm not sure WHICH-I could go look it up, but it's not important.

I honestly gave in to marriage because Maca gave me an ultimatum. It was dumb. I shouldn't have. It was devastating for BOTH of us and many other people too.

I DO love Maca.
I DO believe we are meant to be together.

But by giving in to his ultimatum for marriage-I compromised my beliefs, "sold my soul to the devil" so to speak. It ruined me. After years of falling apart, I got low enough to have an affair and couldn't seem to drag my ass out of the quicksand sucking me down.
When I finally figured out that the key to getting out of the quicksand was to lay flat and still.... I wrote Maca and letter explaining (we do better if we write, read, think, then talk) and waited for him to read and talk to me. He got shitfaced drunk and passed out.....
The rest is blogged on here.
"Love As Thou Wilt"
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