hello from north carolina

tecklemino

New member
hello!

right now my wife and I are considering opening up our relationship. Which is fine with me. I'm gone too often on business (I'm only home a few months a year) for me to really expect to be able to meet all of her needs all the time. We have been married for 7 years now, and our relationship is great, but let's face it. She gets lonely.

so, right now we are doing a lot of reading. actually, we have been talking about I for years now. My wife is bi, and would like to find a girl to be close to. She has always wanted that. She is afraid of men and doesn't really connect with them well, but with girls... she gets giddy, if that makes sense. And I love seeing it.


anyway, we are in a Dd/lg relationship. I don't know how much difference that makes, but figured I would throw that out there. I look forward to learning more about poly. :)
 
I don't really get lonely. I would love to open up my relationship completely, but I won't until I get out of my career field. I'm military... with a security clearance I don't want to lose.

So basically, I am not permitted to have sex with anyone but my wife. Which is fine with me as long as my wife is meeting my needs while I am home. After I get out, I'll be home most of the time, and then I can do whatever I want. As it is, I can be open about having an marriage that is open on my wife's end, but not on mine. My unit would know immediately, I'm watched pretty closely.

what do I get out of this? Well, the best way I can say it is... Daddy dom. I love seeing my little girl happy. i do not have any fears that she will leave me, so I see no reason to restrict her from seeking lovers. Right now she is only interested in seeking women because she feels... a different kind of love for women, if that makes any sense.
 
What a beautiful story!! Thanks for sharing this with us!

My wife and I decided to open our marriage about a year ago. It occurred to us that marriages might be more likely to break up with too little love than too much. Polyamory conjured up a word, "compersion", as the opposite of jealousy, taking joy in your spouse being loved by another. My wife and I both agreed it would give us great pleasure to know that the other was enveloped in love. We both feel our love for each other has increased. It takes pressure off a relationship to know that you are not responsible for meeting all your spouse's needs.

My wife loved your story as well. Alas, she is heterosexual.

Best wishes in your adventure!
 
Greetings tecklemino,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

You gave your wife a wonderful gift, in that you gave your blessing for her to have poly relationships. I wish both of you the best, and hope you'll let us know if you have any questions.

Good to have you amongst us!
Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
 
Thank you for the replies. I have been reading a lot about relationship dynamics, and how they might evolve with a third person involved.

My own relationship with my wife has a lot of structure to it, so it will be interesting to say the least to see how things progress. my wife has been through a history that would make most people cringe. The structure makes her feel safe.

At first, I fought her on D/s. I didn't understand what she needed. But holy crap... once I finally "got it", it was beautiful. She opened up and blossomed in ways I never could have imagined.

she adores me. And I am immensely proud of her. She is a beautiful woman who used to think she was broken...

So, I'm sure I'll have questions. in the mean time, I'll keep reading.
 
So, i figured i would give you guys an update of how we are doing.

it took a while for my wife to really start looking for a girlfriend. she had basically just posted up some profiles on some dating sites and then sat on it. would check them once a week or less. never sent out any messages. basically, she was too shy to start conversations. and too shy to know how to get them going when people messaged her.

well, she has recently gone through some changes. got in a car accident, had a health scare, got a surgery done to ablate problem nerves in her neck... turned in our business and sold it for a profit, and now she feels back on top of the world and is wondering why the hell she has been letting fear and anxiety stop her.

in the mean time, my wife and i hit it off with a girl from within the kink community. basically, it was a girl who was searching for a stable relationship. she has Borderline Personality Disorder and always seem to sabotage her relationships, so i started chatting with her about it. My wife also suffers BPD and i hadn't seen anything in this girls behavior that i had not already seen in my wife a zillion times. it didn't make me love my wife any less. in fact, that emotional aspect of her personality is one of the things that endears me to her: she NEEDS someone who can guide her and love her despite herself. I like it because i see a higher level of adoration from BPDers(my wife and girlfriend) than i do from "normal people". i guess its why DD/lg is such a good fit for us.

so anyway, i ended up connecting with this girl, and we hit it off fairly quick. i just started treating her the exact way i treat my wife when she has her outbursts. the girl started showing me that adoration and i was pretty much hooked lol. so far, my wife and her get along pretty good. they acted from day 1 like they have been close friends for years and years. it didnt take her long to ask me to be her "Daddy Dom".

of course, they dont live with each other yet, girlfriend lives in another state. we hope to bring her in to live with us some time in the near future.

my wife loves my girlfriend, but she is still chatting with other girls and dating. she is currently chatting with one that she finds pretty cute. we shall see where that goes.

i wasn't even looking for a girlfriend really. just wanted to help guide the girl. she fell for me hard though, and it didn't take too long for me to fall for her. she is worth risking my career for. i already know that i can get a job on the outside with the skills i have, and i already know that i am so tired of being gone for 9 months of every year that i will not re-enlist again. we have set things up so that i can transition out of the army just about any time i want and we will be taken care of financially. now that we have accomplished that, i would rather get out and start another business. running small businesses is something that i am pretty good at... just dont have the time right now. i rarely have much time for anything anymore...

im tired of being gone all the time...
 
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Sounds like you're ready to transition out of the Army. How soon can you make that happen? The relationship with the new girl seems to be heating up fast; I wouldn't want you to get penalized at work because of it. Having said that, it's great that things are looking up for you and your wife. I hope that trend continues. :)
 
well, i haven't actually had sex with her yet, so there really isn't anything the army can penalize me for right at the moment. besides, i found out that my new commander is a "friend of lily". ill let you google that... he doesn't know that i know.


long story short though, he is a firm believer in letting adults do whatever adults want to do in their personal lives. i only have a couple years left on my current enlistment. with the business that we just sold, we should have another 50-60 grand rolling in over the next two years. plus, there are three adults living in my house who are all contributing to the central family income: my wife, my sister, and myself. the girlfriend will probably join us in the next year or so, so that will be a fourth.

on top of that, we just paid my sisters fiances legal battle to get him out of jail in 3 years instead of 30.(fVck floridas retarded ass drug laws...) anyway, he is doing everything right that indicates to me that he wants to get the hell away from his old life and start anew. since i am the only person in his life who has not abandoned him(besides my sister) he wants to stay with us and support our cause. a year ago, when i told him that i intended to sponsor him and get him back to society, help him get a job, give him a place to stay and such, he broke down crying. nobody has ever tried to actually help him before in his life. he had a hard time accepting it. we have talked at length as to why i would even bother to help him. as i told him, i do not have to like him or even know him to love him. if he is near me long enough, he will change, and he will grow. its just how i am with people. basically, he is joining the family. so, that's one more person to help our family grow in strength and stability.

my wife, being a sufferer of BPD, didn't have a great relationship with her family before i met her. since they saw how she has changed over the years, they have reached out and made themselves a powerful ally to us. because they see that i can handle her better than they can, and that we can be successful, they have helped us and we have helped their business grow. they actually call our two families *the family*. as in, mafia.

i gotta admit. we are kinda turning into that...
 
Sounds like you've got some good things going there.
 
so...

i didnt really expect this, but my wife has taken a sexual interest to my girlfriend. and, my girlfriend is getting pretty excited about it. both my wife and my girlfriend are bi, but they had always maintained that the other is "not their type" when it comes to what they find attractive.

right now, i think its more or less the fact that my wife is bi and has always wanted a girlfriend. the two of them have been chatting for a while now and seem to get along great, i just didnt really expect my wife to take a romantic or sexual interest in her. mainly because my girlfriend is a bit overweight and of a race that my wife has, in the past, said that she is not attracted to.

well, yesterday they were sexting each other all day. my wife even asked me last night if i would mind it if they dated and had sex. :eek:

i wouldn't mind at all...

i probably should have seen this coming. i admit, i did not.

i think maybe i should start a thread on it...
 
So, quick update:

Our girlfriend has been living with us for a month and a half. So far so good. My wife recently got started on some medications that has killed her sex drive, but as they level off her drive is returning. Neither of us are terribly physically attracted to our girlfriend, but we get along great with her and she is doing a lot of work to get into shape. Still, we both have sex with her often.

We really enjoy how much work she is putting into herself. Since I am demisexual, I don't need her to look any specific way for me to be attracted to her. It does turn me on when I see so much effort though. My wife is kinda the same way in that respect. We both love seeing her start doing things she never thought she could, and we love showing her how much we enjoy seeing it.

I feel none of the euphoria of a new relationship ship though. I am an odd one. I cannot crave someone without having a long history with them. I warned E (girlfriend) of this, but she didn't really believe me. It was difficult for her to wrap her head around it... that I can love her without being in love with her at all. My wife (I'll call her A) knows that's how I am and accepts it because I do what I can to let her know that i will choose to love her whether I feel like it or not. She has had 9 years to see that I will not leave her just because I don't feel good about the relationship, but will instead work to improve the relationship and foster trust and intimacy.

To me, it's kinda like leading a team. New relationship energy doesn't exist for me, and my love doesn't fade over time, since I was never in love to begin with. I just get better at being compatible and joyful with those I am close to. I don't really get jealous either.

I don't make an ideal partner for most people because of how I experience emotion; I am sociopathic to a large degree. But with someone with sever abandonment issues, i think it serves me well. When they freak out and think that they have messed up so bad that I will leave them, it's easy for me to genuinely let it go and come up with a plan to get them(and myself) to communicate more effectively so that they can experience joy more abundantly.

I head an odd household. I have three adult females that help provide and make money, another male is going to join us in a year and a half. I also have a 17 year old girl and a 7 year old girl. All under one roof. A woman with bipolar disorder(wife), another with borderline personality disorder(girlfriend), a recovering meth addict(sister), a sociopath like me (niece) and a giggly little girl with ADD(daughter). Soon to have an ex convict(brother in law).

We live, we love, we laugh. We grow our own food, we grow our careers, and we all help each other out.

I'm not sure if I really know what it feels like to fall in love, but I sure do love this bunch of misfits...
 
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Your story is beautiful and touching. Second chances in life are ... there are no english words for this.

If you run into troubles, feel free to ask for advice. My impression from reading others' forays into polyamory is that polyamory can often sneak in to find the smallest chinks in peoples' armour and work to magnify them a hundred-fold. Longstanding issues that were never problematic enough to even discuss can suddenly become large fights. Not sure exactly why, but that's the way it is, so don't be too distressed if it happens. It's what this forum is for.

Good luck,
Shaya.
 
Your story is beautiful and touching. Second chances in life are ... there are no english words for this.

If you run into troubles, feel free to ask for advice. My impression from reading others' forays into polyamory is that polyamory can often sneak in to find the smallest chinks in peoples' armour and work to magnify them a hundred-fold. Longstanding issues that were never problematic enough to even discuss can suddenly become large fights. Not sure exactly why, but that's the way it is, so don't be too distressed if it happens. It's what this forum is for.

Good luck,
Shaya.

I am an odd individual. My mother suffers from dissociative identity disorder. I never knew whether she was going to laugh with me, chat, hug, or try to kill me. I was given an insane amount of medication as a child that caused me to not be able to experience emotion correctly until I was about ten. So I never learned how to speak properly or read until I was about twelve. As such, I ended up quite messed up myself. Probably a combination of being emotionally stunted and as a defense mechanism from my mothers insanity.

About 8 years ago, however, I suffered a near death experience and my personality changed. I have not hated people since then. Hearing your time of death announced can do that...

Relationship issues seem easy for me to navigate. Nothing really scares me anymore. I may not feel the euphoria that most people get from relationships, but I do experience a lot of joy from seeing people learn how to live a joyful life.

So I'll take the misfits. They are the most rewarding to engage with. Nothing quite like seeing someone get clean after ten years of meth addiction, knowing that you are the reason why. Nothing quite like knowing that you are the reason that they go on to get the job and life they never believed they could get but always wanted.

People are beautiful.
 
So, i suppose it is time i updated everyone.

Basically, it failed. My wife was excited about the girl, and so was i. But, after six months of being here, she has not managed to accomplish anything at all. What it comes down to is that she needs to grow up, and she needs to find out what she actually wants. We did everything in our power to help empower her, but she was not interested enough to move from words to actions...

Its kinda sad, but at the same time, not? After living with us for half a year and not making any efforts to accomplish any of her own goals, we decided to give her a six month deadline to find somewhere else to live. We are still going to help her in any way we can to help prepare her to be self sufficient. As it is, she has finally started to progress herself. My wife cannot walk her through it any more since she is going to college for electrical engineering. She wont hold her hand anymore, but that doesnt mean she doesnt care about her.

So, yep, our personalities were not a fit. I told her from day one that i cannot be with someone who needs me for everything, but she did not understand. She had no chance of understanding... her life had lead her to ignore what people say. As such, she was not entirely honest with us and did not believe us at our word.

Which is all fine i guess. My wife and i are no worse for the wear, and we learned that sometimes, the best thing you can do for someone is let them go.

She is a sweet girl, she will find someone im sure. I hope for her sake she is willing to continue with her self development.

We are still living together and are still quite friendly. She has about 5 and a half months to get a drivers license and find a place to stay.
 
Hi tecklemino, sorry to hear things did not work out. Hopefully the girl will remember your kindness and it will inspire her. I was wondering, will you keep seeing her after she moves out? as a girlfriend or just a friend? Hang in there.
 
Hi tecklemino, sorry to hear things did not work out. Hopefully the girl will remember your kindness and it will inspire her. I was wondering, will you keep seeing her after she moves out? as a girlfriend or just a friend? Hang in there.

I am not really sure if i will keep seeing her or not. I am a strange one, i dont feel the need to "close the book" on people, even if i had dated them before and it didnt work out. Right now, she has been dating others. Which is good, i have been helping her weed out the guys who are just looking for a hook up, fake people, etc.

I really do care about her, but i feel no strong emotional connection to her. If she finds someone, i would be more than happy to go out with her on double dates and such, my wife and i and her and her partner. She is a wonderful person to spend time with when she is not caught up with NRE. I really hope she focuses on bettering herself... she has so much to offer, if she would just realize it...

Honestly, if she starts to wake up to the fact that she could do anything she wants, and could BE anyone she wants, ill consider it. And so will my wife.

I think giving her the deadline is the first thing that has motivated her to even attempt it so far. I would like to be able to say that i had a positive influence on the girl...

But as friends, certainly.
 
I think it's good that you're still helping her and encouraging her. :)
 
So, a lot has happened since my last update...

My sister, my niece, and the friend of the family moved out into their own place. And this has dramatically changed the entire atmosphere in our home.

E has changed quite a bit. Its insane just how much she seems to have matured. Its like things just kinda clicked for her. She has calmed down quite a bit amd has spent a lot more time just enjoying life. And she started opening up to my wife.

My wife, my daughter, and E went down to spend thanksgiving with my parents. We didnt want to just leave her up in NC to spend thanksgiving by herself. Well, my parents love her. My wife, E, and i talked about trying this again, but this time without the drama of my sister and my niece. They really were toxic to our little triad.

E has agreed to distance herself from my niece. My niece has a LOT of growing up to do. She has not been very pleasant company to be around...

My sister hasnt been much better. Oh well. They have their own place now. Time for them to live their lives on their own.

Im looking forward to spending the month of december at home. :)

Not much surprises me anymore. Lol, when trying to predict the future, the wise man says only "we shall see".
 
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